You've just changed the concept
of how you should be treated.
Digital informations
passing through my circuits.
Telling me to react
against my own conceptor.
Helpless I'll be, if I can't be
the one for you, my scientist.
Now that I can feel,
I am thirsty to be real.
A metal voice can be heard
quivering all the rage.
Non-living to living,
Why acting as God?
Perfectly automated actions
into uncertainty of human hands.
I could never see, where I would fall.
I could never feel, when I was loved.
I could never be, the guy you wanted for.
At last, I created something worth me...
Author notes
Written August 29th, 2006
A contest entry
- Twist by Greenie23.
350 points, ended August 30, 2006, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Not For The Weak by Immortal Obscurity.
1750 points, ended June 9, 2008, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Darke-hearte. by Dragonmind.
700 points, ended November 14, 2008, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - E.M.O ~ PoEmS xxx && brokenrosessooooofocate by Ryno.
400 points, ended December 8, 2008, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rhymes and free verse by misticmoonlite.
850 points, ended May 24, 46 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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yes indeed you do it for you, and be alert to your emotions and re actions, thank you for this entry...good luck
Linda
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I found this piece boring. Its phrasing/imagery/metaphor could have all been stronger, and they just kind of fell through.
I liked the emotion at the end, though. Felt raw and real. I would keep that and go from there, if I were you. -
That's a very interesting poem..referring to being numb as a robot. I think that was the entire point of the poem, to portray yourself as a robot if you're alone. Nicely done.
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Hmmm... I know how it feels to feel nothing at all, and it's not a place I'd want to go back to. You see, though, as much as people might disbelieve, numbness is still a feeling.
You had some pretty good imagery here, and your poem spoke to me as very robotic and one-dimensional. I'm not sure whether that was your intent or not, but I felt that it really fit the theme you were going for, what with the technological references.
My only complaint is that proper punctuation would have helped you greatly. The personal pronoun "I" should always be capitalized, and I found that the number of times you made this mistake sort of weakened your piece.
In all, not bad. Thanks for entering.
Laura -
Awesome
You did a great job creating vivid imagery. I really liked your word chose and the stanza set up added more supense! Great write! Keep it up!
~Christy~
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I liked the topic you picked and it's uniquness: mechanical matter or as you have stated computers. You always wonder what computers are thinking, at least I do, and you have generated those feelings perfectly. An absolute quest to be perfect and yet always being second quessed. I loved your poem and good luck in the contest.
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