Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

It Is Finished

Missing image

Wash your hands after,

     you dissect my life with sharp criticism.

      you remove my feelings with a piercing stare.

       you sever my manhood with cutting remarks.

        you fill my heart with empty promises.


Yes, wash your hands after
you have completed my autopsy.

Author notes

Sticks and stones may break my bones but your words will cut me to pieces.

Photo by Ed Devlin

In a list

A contest entry

What did you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 59 of 59
  • omo aba
    January 22
    Edit | Reply

    love it!!!

    The nullity of man's life,yet his fear.The poet person dares with a sense of indifference to hurts got from fellow human.This poetic piece possesses potentially evocative properties.I thought earlier that there was a diversion of thought inthe third to fifth lines


  • Simply Simple
    April 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow... Short but amazing. Well penned and I agree with it completely. Nice work and I wish you the best of luck.


  • Fug-azi
    March 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Great short, sharp write filled with caustic retorts. A few of them are a little cliché but it doesn’t affect the overall hard nature of the write.

    I see you have used ellipses on every line except line 1, while a lot of poets use them to indicate an extended pause that concept is incorrect. Ellipses only have two uses in writing, they are;

    First, the ellipsis is used to show that some material has been omitted from the middle of a direct quotation.
    Second, the ellipsis is used to show that a sentence has been left unfinished. The ellipsis shows that the writer or speaker has simply "tailed off" into silence, deliberately leaving something unsaid.
    Really a comma would be the more appropriate punctuation to use in all of the instances; this though would reduce the visual impact.
    If you decide to remain with the ellipses or replace them with commas the “Y” of “You” doesn’t need to be capitalised.

    If you decide to change and want to keep the longer pause I would suggest giving each of the “Afters” their own line and perhaps even indenting the following line, this, I feel would maintain the visual of the poem. I.e.

    “Wash you hands,

    After,
    You dissect my life with sharp criticism.

    After,
    You remove my feelings with a piercing stare.

    After,
    You sever my manhood with cutting remarks.

    After,
    You fill my heart with empty promises.

    After,
    You have completed my autopsy.”

    Good luck

  • Fug-azi
    March 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    lol ... how to critique a poem that deals with emotional barbs, hmm will have to think on this one.

    I'll be back


  • Psycho Dancer ---
    February 8, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    excellent

    this is really good, emotional scars are the worst because physical scars heal over time, its hard...great emotion in this poem, short and sweet! xxx


  • DefinitiveFreak silver member
    August 31, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Very interesting, and extremely hard-hitting. It is definitely true that words can hurt more than physical trauma. Emotional scars can last a lifetime, I know mine are still around. Thank you for entering my contest.


  • ArieLLeGiSeLLe
    August 31, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I like the metaphor of this piece. Your message was well-communicated in so few lines. This had excellent word choice and it was a topic that I could be interested in. Great poem all around. Nice picture too. It adds to the effect.
    Arielle Giselle


  • cherche -d -ame
    August 31, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    sterile , cold white washed walls...this is a very unusual yet fascinating write( chilling also) Beat wishes in the contest,
    Reenie

  • tickled whiskers
    June 20, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Wow, that's really cool... I like the autopsy part at the end... It pulls the rest of it together nicely...


  • kryspin
    June 19, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    after the autopsy, let's go for sushi

    not bad...


  • nike gold member
    June 15, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    The bucket? It's for leftovers.

  • diablita1
    June 15, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    awww im sure ur manhoods fine -picture fits perfectly its great-wats the bucket for??


  • Terry-too silver member
    June 14, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    This is a case where the fewest words make the biggest impact.
    Powerful.

    Terry
    Edited on Jun 14, 10:17 p.m. because 'typo'.


  • Ilati Aza
    June 14, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Bravo! Excellently written and truly a work of art. I love the short, abrupt way you wrote it, and the picture fits it perfectly. Very nicely done. Good luck with the contest.


  • xSorrowsxHarmonyx
    June 14, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I never believed in that whole "sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me" Good write. Good luck in the contest.

    Forever
    Tempest
    Elmo

  • HalfWayAngel
    May 10, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    hmmm very um good!!! This was actually a great write one of the best I've seen today. It creates a picture in my mind that no one else has accomplished yet..it makes you want to keep reading to know more. Good job, and keep on writin the best!!
    ~Laurie


  • Tercil gold member
    May 10, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Very Good

    This is clinically tested, piece by piece dispatching. Wonderful words and pace which with each sentence, a new debate gathers! Lovely stuff!

  • c-town nena617
    April 27, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    might have a great chance to win good luck!

  • empire of dirt
    March 16, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Great job, the author's comments really add to the emotion.

  • lisajay
    March 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    omg, i was not expecting that at all!!! i loved it. greatly written. you've got talent!!! keep it up!


  • Alahmorah
    March 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Great job...impressive.
    Love, Ashlee


  • TangerinePuddle
    March 9, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    truly a masterpiece...gives me goosebumps.. YOu have risen to the challenge of this contest perfectly. Bravo, bravo, bravo!


  • Mozambiquel
    March 9, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Oh, wow...what an odd source in inspiration (then again, Plath got inspired by an onion, and very little is odder than that). I love the metaphor in this poem...very well-developed in my opinion. This is a thought-provoking poem and the world needs more of those. Good luck in the contest.
    --Ivy

  • ecrivain01
    March 1, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    good job

    Actually, it did immediately bring up thoughts of Pontius Pilate when I saw the title. Good job with this poem. It certainly does nail down the way so many people treat other people.


  • Bettyboop24
    February 24, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    WOW! Impressive!! keep the great work up, well done X


  • Touchof1der silver member
    January 25, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    WoW! This has that whole Pontius Pilate feel to it. Not very pleasant images but spectacularly written out. This is a wonderful example of "using your words!"
    ♥ Kimberly


  • LeilaJayne
    January 4, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    This is brill, it is very powerful and the repetition on the word after enhanced the feeling to make it more emotional, i especially loved
    After..
    You fill my heart
    with empty promises.
    This was definitely the best stanza in my view!
    Keep smiling
    keep writing
    Angel xx



  • laguna-sama
    January 2, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    excellent.

    That, is awesome. one of the best i've seen in a while. It has great feeling, and the repitition of the word after makes for a great effect. I really feel the emotion in this one too, it's very strong and it's easy to define. Excellent.

  • NoLuvNoChois
    December 28, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I love this, this is a great write. I love the imagery that you give and the descriptive words.

  • MarKKraM
    October 13, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Well yes the contest has ended and it is in the process of being judged. The wife and I have been quite busy these last few days.


    Anyway, I just wanted to inform all the contestants that we will conclude the judging process within the next couple days. We have narrowed the field and there are just a few more decisions to be made before the final conclusion of the contest.


    Thank you for entering and good luck, sorry about the delay.

    MarKKraM.
    ((LowN))
    _Lull-_-Pandemonium


  • ariazephyrzoe gold member
    October 2, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Whoa! beautiful in it's dark tone...wow!

  • DeepKiss
    September 25, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    wow this has a powerful meaning my favorite part was"after ou dissect my life with critism" it seems people do this without thinking twice these days. nice write. i really enjoyed it

  • conspiracy
    August 27, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    wow extremley powerfull.

  • nike gold member
    August 16, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    The sink and running water were from a picture that was supplied and you had to write a piece of poetry that was inspired from the photo.


  • Trellis
    August 16, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    Bravo!

    I like this - it is very good. I just wish I understood more about the sink and running water.


  • Laura Lamarca gold member
    August 2, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    A very powerful write. Very well presented too. Thanks for sharing. La x


  • xmissingxsockx
    July 29, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I love how you compare physical and emotional pain! This is a great poem, and the repetition of "after" flows better than expected


  • Rubee
    June 23, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    WOW...isn't it amazing how one gets the inspiration to write?? A great message in this write of how words or actions can be so damaging to another person. Great form, great presentation.. very well said!!!!!


  • kittykatface
    June 18, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful piece. I liked how you didn't bother with pretty decorations or anything in writing this. Just the regular background, leaving the words to speak for themselves. I would never have come up with something like this from a picture of a sink. I may have come up with something about washing dishes, but certainly not this!

    The repetition in this poem made it all the more powerful and showed a lot of talent and depth. Wonderful.

    Much Luv,
    xx-x0Anna0x-xx


  • DyinOnTheInside
    June 15, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I really like this write,

    The format in which you used to form this poem, makes it what it is.

    It is a beautiful piece.

    The repetition of "After.. " thought out the poems makes this words really strong and makes each verse really sink in.

    Thank you for sharing.
    xx


  • Gingerandhoney
    June 11, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    excellent

    The form and structure of this piece carry the venom of the message dripping all the way to the end, then splat at the end with the line that says you were dead anyway ( for autopsies are not carried out on the living).

    The form perfectly matches the wording here and the dripping rythm of the piece is perfect for the subject matter. It is an excellent use of all the things that combine good poetry.

  • kittykatface
    May 26, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Oo, I really liked this! Especially the last part "After...you complete my autopsy" I don't know why but that part really like...left a mark on me and was the one part I remember most from your poem. I like the use of repetition, I like the hurt you made me feel and I like how you didn't bother with a background and stuff, letting the words speak for themselves and do what they may. Fabulous.

    Much Luv,
    xx-x0Anna0x-xx


  • Xx Alice xX
    May 18, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    If we could just learn not to care, hold our feeling out of harms way, but then, we would be lonely, and never experience love. Nice write, even better you shared it.

  • Flagrancy
    May 7, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    WOW...I know exactly how you feel in this one...when people do something wrong to you by making you feel bad because you're "different" or they think it's "something wrong with you" only by looking at you. It's kind of like a what goes around comes around thing too. I think the wash your hands means to apologize or something..but oh well..great write, it's really powerful

  • AstralWolf
    April 8, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Oh this is a powerful piece of writing. The string of words work well both in its message and visual presentation. Very balanced and strong.
    I enjoyed this one.

  • Meld
    March 7, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I liked it. Keep up the great writing.

  • fredhib
    February 20, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    such a lot said with such few words - brilliant


  • Sebcuta
    February 8, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Very powerful and I love the images it placed in my mind, thank you for your comment. -Anna-


  • Desire gold member
    February 7, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Can I have a picture of that sink~Whoa~
    You definitely got your point across and I love it~Why hold back and created the images where the pic was not needed on the page~Great write my dear~Keep them a coming~Big hugs and much love~Desire


  • plinkyponk
    January 29, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    very forceful and powerful. i want to memorise it to prop me up at relevent moments loved this for its directness and certainty and it is so easy to empathise with

  • JM Kenyon silver member
    January 20, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    "After...
    You sever my manhood
    with cutting remarks."

    ouch...I am not a man, but that line hurts, whether it is physical or verbal, literal or not! great poem...best of wishes...~genielassie~


  • truembrace
    May 20, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    Wow... a very succinct piece with so much meaning there. It was one of those poems I read and could imagine an exchange of cold stares in the ending. Great metaphor indeed... I had a moment of pity for the guy in this one... then again, we did just get one side of the story, no? lol...

    Nicely done! ... and thanks for the liquid lust comment


  • Manicmuze
    April 22, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    Oh, i really like this one... very creative. It's got an "I surrender, i can't take anymore" feel to it, and i love the approach you've used.

    Strong write, consistent flow and tightly constructed... very good :-)
    ~ Wendy


  • April 17, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    I like it

    the entire thing is one big metaphor I feel.

  • sarra
    April 16, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    man, this is powerful, very....sarcastic i would say, but i can't find the right word...i don't know! but whatever it is, its really really great! nice work!


  • SurvivorJudge1
    April 16, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    Kudos for your attempt at this challenge. You did quite well. Powerful voice and well expressed angst. I like!


  • Dr Jekyll
    April 16, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    This is good with a very appropriate subject


  • Ava Noire silver member
    April 16, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    intense and thought-provoking...inspires me to try my hand at this challenge.


  • pangur ban
    April 16, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    Whoa... this is acidic (but then that was the point, yes?) -- I like it. Great voice, nice edge, strong images... good line breaks and structure. I really enjoyed this piece. Thanks for commenting one of mine - I appreciate it. Helen

1 - 59 of 59