I'm going to say it once
And it won't be said again:
Love is where you make it
The heart is a recycling bin
Mind you, I won't be crying
These stains are not from tears
I'm sticking with my alibi:
"It's because the makeup smears"
Over the river, long past the woods
I've found my Northbound star shine
It's time to meet up with the wolf
If you are ever to be mine
It's time to come to terms
With everything that is wrong
For once I have managed this
I won't mind if my stay is long.
Author notes
It's a lil' jumpy, I want to rewrite it. Critique, please.
Written August 28th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
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I love it so far. The last four lines of the first stanza are my favourite. You do get a little rocky starting out the second stanza, and you could have ended a little stronger, but I think that if you want to rewrite it, this poem has great potential. Even without rewriting it, it's very good. I like it a lot. It sort of.. hits a spot, you know?
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At points, it flows very nicely from one line to the next, but at other times, the transition isn't so hot. Some of the rhyming seems a little streched, and the syllable count of each line in the second stanza is really akward. A little bit of word restructuring, and line adjustment could make this poem very powerful though.
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