Those joyous moments… quick like fireworks..
Enjoy ‘till they play but a saddening feel when it’s over
A light in the deep black sky… a beauty spell..
Lost in thoughts of those engraved memories of yesterdays…
Those days… those cherished times… that reoccurring feeling…
Glistening faces in lamp light… Fire-like shades in darkness…
Drumming hearts.. a sweet sensation..
a vivid glance… that pleasant smile
Feeling numb… icy fingers…
An enigmatic sin… that crazy feeling…
the flashing lightning inside.. a helpless mode..
Fireworks brighten the sky.. only for a bit..
But they leave you devastated until
they come back... to brighten the sky again.
Author notes
Since school has started, I have a ton of work to do and I don’t get as much time to come on AP. This poem just had to be written. I would’ve tried to write something better to do with fireworks if I had the time… it’s short but I hope u liked it!
Written August 28th, 2006
A contest entry
- ~ Metaphor Therapy ~ ...::: Fireworks :::... by -LilacThOughts-.
300 points, ended September 8, 2006, 6 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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I Like it It is very descriptive nice work.
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This is very vivid, I can not just see it but feel it too. You've put this together flawlessly. Well done!
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Accurate Description
You must be very busy in school. -
Hey, Areeba! What's up? I miss you!
How are you? Your poems seem the same...unique...clever...vivid...and beautiful...just the way you are 
Keep it up. Take care...
~Chelsea -
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wanted-charity
hey hey what's up?? have u heard about Precious?? the girl that looks kinda like u... but she's is in grade 6.
i've logged here after SUCH a long time. working on this portfolio for a student award... blah blah blah.. UN Day was on wednesday. it was quite fun with a social in the end.. our class is so boring .. no one came to the social except for osama from our class! ms. John, tareen, and sohail are leaving so we had presentations and cards to sign for them.. and the MS tournament... do u know abt that?? yanbu girls were soooo close! oh well second place isn't that bad..
i gtg. later.
bye bye. -
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You've got to be kidding me...I know Precious...I don't think she looks like me at ALL... >
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wanted-charity
ask michael abt it!
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Nice poem, Areeba. I can't believe you actually get the time to write in the midst of all the work we have! I always find it hard to decode this poetic metaphor stuff... I had to read it a couple of times before I could actually think I understood the point of your poem. Isn't it comparing fireworks to great moments in life (yes? no?)... or something along the lines of that Your poem proved a great and pretty successful attempt. Your word- choice is good (although not as good as it can get, Ms. Erudite ), but some things are just a bit unclear.
"Feeling numb… icy fingers…
An enigmatic sin… that crazy feeling…
the flashing lightning inside.. a helpless mode.."
I don't really get that part and what it has to do with the theme. You should clear that up a bit.
I like your ending though: "Fireworks brighten the sky.. only for a bit..
But they leave you devastated until
they come back... to brighten the sky again."
I love the last line cuz it's just such a nice, suttle ending to your poem.
Great work! Keep it up (and please tell me HOW you manage to continue writing poetry even with the mountain of homework we have to worry about!).
Julia
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THIS IS A VERY GOOD WRITE . SAY i WILL BE HAVING A BOOK PUBLISHED PRETTY SOON I WILL CONTACT YOU ON THE TITLE AND THE TIME OK
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Assalam-u-alaikum!
you write really well! but your point of focus is not one always. That might be a negative point or postive one..........I don't know! well! do write poetry but try to teach lessons by your poetry e.g. lessons which encourage people. ok . All the best for life. Allah hafiz -
Hello there, fair princess in Lilac's sweet army
I've read the contest notes and I'd love to help out in any way that I can.
The work is truly outstanding, real and based purely on the show itself. Now I know you've asked for some constructive critism, so I hope Im not too harsh or offering the wrong notion.
I love the wordings in each lines, but I believe you can do without the stops '...', perhaps you can a few striking words from your vocabulary to add the flair and impact you rightly deserve. And perhaps we should help try to find some alternatives to fireworks to help add to the imagery?
I think thats all for now, IM me if anything comes up. Lilac and I will help out for sure.
Good write,
Cheers,
Kal 24 -
thankyou for ur constructive critism! I'll work on this poem to improve it.
I'm good.. and u? I just get a lot of work at school so i'm busy studying and finishing it up. anyway, thanks for coming by and reading my poem.
with luv,
areeba. -
Hi princess thank you for this super entry, I loved the visual sights you provide, which made it very exciting to read...
However because you have asked for a critical review, there is one thing that jumps out and that is the use of adjectives...there are 16 in 14 lines...I'm guilty myself sometimes of using them to get my point over, infact I love adjectives, to me they are the magic of a poem but others would disagree with me...I think this poem seemed to shout out for adjectives because of the the word of inspiration alone...fireworks, it cries out for them...but you have to draw the line sometimes and know when you have used too many...I hope I have'nt offended you in any way, my aim is to help you...this piece has great potential if it was re-worked taking some back out...
All in all though I thoroughly enjoyed the atmosphere you created, full of exciting vibes and imagery ...thank you
Love ~Mum~
Let me know you are Ok
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Welcome Princess and thank you for your entry
~Lilac~
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This is a very well written poem. I loved how you wrote of the fireworks in such a way that made me long to see them. very vivid, and clear picture you have painted here, it's nice when the reader can "see" what you wrote rather than merely reading.
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