What is it that I need
It is all that you need
And it is all what they need
To make us happy and gay
Let us go and find them out
Why can’t you follow me stout
Is it not the honeyed midnight
That make us happy and gay
Pensive near a singing stream
My darling melting in my dream
Our endless love appear in plume
That make us happy and gay
Conjuring in words nature’s booty
Is it not poets’ duty
Flattering flowers with added beauty
That make us happy and gay
With envy nature did glance
When with her anklet did I dance
Nature’s melody enraptured in trance
That make us happy and gay
Slipping into a melodious sleep
Angels kissing me with love so deep
A piece of sky in my words I keep
That make us happy and gay
Giving voice to the voiceless
Showering pity on the penniless
Trying to make their life painless
That make us happy and gay
Holding time on a festive day
Why don’t we meet and play
Dazzling things I need not say
To make us happy and gay
Author notes
are they not attractions for you also
Written August 28th, 2006.beautiful things will attract us and give us happiness.'gay' only means cheerful
A contest entry
- Back into the rhythm by Shamanicmusings.
450 points, ended September 16, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Beauty in everything by new born.
525 points, ended October 30, 2008, 18 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
-
Forgot these!
-
Please read over my rules. I really liked this poem! I think you could have made some of the words plural though. make into makes, plume into plumes, trance into trances or a trance. (The last ones a bit iffy.) The wording was decadent and intelligent, but relatable(in a way)and understandable. Your imagery was also exquisite. I'm not sure I understand it completely, but I absolutely loved it. My favorite stanza was:
'With envy nature did glance
When with her anklet did I dance
Nature’s melody enraptured in trance
That make us happy and gay'
Best of luck in the contest.
-
a comment
i agree with pennycuff, putting happy and gay together kindof takes something away from it. readf the rules man... -
overall I liked the poem, but ... the use of happy and gay together for some reason seemed to take away from it...I reread the piece removing the words "and gay" and played with the words "that make us happy" adding to it each stanza a different word such as " that should make us happy" or "that will make us happy" and "that would make us happy" and I think it put a different spin on the piece. Now having said that, I can't tell by your authors comments what your intentions was for this, if was a bit of sarcasm then perhaps happy and gay work together, but if the intention was as I read it, I think would be better if you used one or the other. NOTE : it feels strange saying anything but positive on your work, it always seems so perfect to me, this is the first time I have ever read a piece of yours that I didn't feel worked as well as I think your talent suggest it could. It won't by any means stop me from reading your future works, and this is only my opinion, so please do not take offense dear. You keep doing what you do best so we have more great writes to read. Hugs, Suzi
-
This was very basic. I think you'll do very well if you explore different forms of poetry. This poem had a very good flow and rhythm. However, the repetition of "happy and gay" did not sound all that well. Especially because it is a very cheesy balance in a line.
Keep writing
Ankita -
Very well said! There are many things that add to both our joys and our sorrows. Some of the things that might by chance bring joy to me would not necessarily have any rhyme or reason to someone else but within them, I find my own personal source of beauty and joy. I like the thoughts your well chosen words have inspired within me. Thank you for the invite to reads your works and welcome to Allpoetry.
♥ Touchof1der -
this i thought was very moving well done keep doing well
love the papa
Adding your comment:
1 - 7 of 7
