You asked me if it mattered
if it mattered you were
different.
And I said no because, well-
honestly, it didn't.
But I don't think your question
considered the answer
Conversation was
ballet-
And we, just the
dancers.
Done before begun
pre-written and pre-scripted.
The lines just there to speak
Costumes
Pre
pre-fitted.
But you see it does matter
Because asking you to be the
'same'
is the
same
as asking
me
if I like my tigers
tame.
And the answer to that question
is the one I
gave
that night
With my throat full of
water
and my
heart
all full of
fight
So I'd like to ask permission
to give a
different
answer
Because I thought about the question
and I've never been a
dancer.
You asked me if it
mattered
and the answer now is
yes
truth is-
difference
is the key
Cause if you weren't
I'd
love
you
less.
Author notes
Written August 28th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
-
Thanks a lot for the read/re-read, and the comment. In point of fact, you're not wrong about the tiger line being rather random. This poem is about someone specific and the tiger line is a reference to them- so in a way, yes, it is random. But necessary to the point of the poem. I felt it was an agreeable trade-off.
good eye. -
this was simply amazing. the rhythm and rhyme fits quite well for most of the part and i think the indenting after a few words really contributed to the overall feel of the poem. to tell the truth, i read this poem over twice because i didn't quite get it the first time. however, on the second time, i recognized all the things i had missed the first time and i'm really glad that i did take the time to reread it.
i especially like the extended metaphor you made comparing your conversation to dancing. it fit really well and the parallelism between the two is amazing. you truly explained your metaphor without any extraneous words yet it was clear to the reader.
however, i felt that the rhyme you made with
"But you see it does matter
Because asking you to be the
'same'
is the
same
as asking
me
if I like my tigers
tame."
was somewhat awkward. not the actual same/tame itself, but more like the "if I like my tigers tame" came out to me as rather random. it didn't seem to really fit in with the rest of your poem. i dunno- maybe it's just me, i pick up really weird things.
but other than that, your poem was really good. thank you so much for the great read and thank you for sharing.
-
freedom
we colour ourselves and each other in and out of the lines, like this. no it doesnt and yes it does. both answers correct, for both sides of the both of.
us. -
i like the metaphor about the conversation that's already there to be spoken. very apt, and not often expressed well. certainly not as well as that.
i like the halting diction, it seems to serve a dual purpose. it establishes a rhythm and gives a sense of the tone of what you're communicating to whomever. does that make sense?
the scattered internal and external rhyme was well-placed, and that's not an idle compliment because so many people screw that junk up. like i read some poetry by my ex-sister-in-law and aside from being psuedo-deep-stream-of-consciousness stuff, there was some internal rhyme that was just totally wasted.
and also, poems with this kind of rhythm and rhyme and whatnot don't usally end well, and yours did. i mean usually they end and it's no more a conclusion than if your pen ran out of ink in the middle of the poem. but this feels like a proper conclusion. the idea is well connected to what you were saying in the rest of the poem. -
well you know- I HAVE done the dancer thing, so if I wanted, I suppose I COULD write a piece about that.... you have a request? lol.
thanks for the comment.
xoxo-
Fierce -
Thanks! caught a typo of mine! damn keyboards.... wouldn't have done that on paper. cheers!
-
Truly inspiring! I love this poem! I enjoyed every minute of this..you have incredible flow, timing, content and a real way with words. One thing that confused me was..
"Because asking you the be the
'same' "- should it be to be?
Anyways this is fantastic and I will have to check out more of yours stuff!
~Creatress
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a very interesting
and different write
really liked it
keep up the great writting
firequeen -
tippy toes
very good.though i had gotten my hopes up from the title that maybe there would be topless or perhaps a pole or two thrown in here somewhere but i was not disappointed by the lack thereof.not at all.i loved the whole-conversation was ballet and we the dancers -thing.that was some great writing..a wonderful way of describing things.bravo to you
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