We were together like forever,
There was a show very clever.
You and I lived with no objection,
But then suddenly, we changed direction!
I still Love you,
But do you have any clue?
Dancing, Singing together were our hobbies,
But who was that who changed our housie?
Sister, Please come back to me,
Then together, we will flee!
Author notes
This poem is for my sister.. who doesn't know I still LOVE her and we are far apart!
Written August 28th, 2006
A contest entry
- Quick! Quick! Quick Contest!! by .
300 points, ended February 14, 2007, 12 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Well, I've already commented on this Wonderful write!
All I can say is that Best of Luck! 
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Very Good
Very good, and very much sad. I like how you used rhyming couples...Nicley done, and wish the very best of luck in my contest! -
Awwwww....
Awww my baby! I know how much you miss Sumbul.. maybe that fool doesn't understand how much you do! But she's also not to be blamed na..? Anyway, this is a very sad write from you girly! Always remember.. I am always there for you! Whatever happens.. I was, I am and I will always be there with you!
Loveee you lots! 
Nida -
Thank you sweetie in your lovely enter and support.
Love to you! -
Hello,
First i'd like to say great poem. I'd be so lost without my little sister she's my life and my everything. Second i like to thank you very much for leaving such a kind and inspiring comment left on my poem thank you thank you.
Keep up your writting
Take Care
Cassie xxx -
nice! i doont know what i'd do with out my lil sister! check out some of my work plz if u have time and let me know what ya think xxxxxxxxxx
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very nice piece sister. really heart warming. keep penning
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great
this is fantastic it reminds me of my twin imogen & mei really lyk it i think its well written. good luck with your sister i recomend you look for her. just think shes alive so you can make up, but as for my twin & i thats nolonger posiable.
--Blessed be--
Bradhadair -
sweet
Awie! That was really sad my frnd..Its very bad when u love someone and they dont really know or they couldnt care less! Ur poem is full of love for ur sister which fills it with emotions ! I like the rhyming scheme since its not forced ! And like mystic storm maybe she loves u and u just dont know that! Maybe u should talk to her and tell her that u love n respect her and I am sure she ll like a girl like u! Anyways lovely poem by a sweet girl!
KEEP IT UP MATE!
~~~PREETI~~~
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Nice rhyming and flow. Very sad write. I am sure your sister knows you love her, but you probably need to talk.
Love is always love, sweet and sad write to your sister.
Best of luck! -
This often is how life is...constant change...
"You and I lived with no objection,
But then suddenly we changed direction!"
-Eddy
Tech side: This can be strengthened very easily with a couple
minor adjustments. Here is an example, see what you think.
Merely a suggestion, for it's your poem...
We were together like forever,
Much like a show so very clever.
You and I lived with no objection,
But then suddenly, we changed direction!
I still Love you,
But do you have any clue?
Dancing, Singing together was our hobbies, (2 hobbies so plural)
But who was that who changed our housie?
Sister, Please come back to me,
Then together, we will flee!
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I thought it was good but its flow could use a little work... but otherwise it was sooo good! Sorry if things arent going well in you personal life... if you ever need anyone to talk to im here!!!!
Kay
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This was such a sad poem, I’m sorry that you and your sister are having a hard time. Keep writing, I liked your great use of rhyming couplets here
Best wishes
Pozo
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