Listen...
Hear the eerie silence,
In these hallowed halls
Footsteps echo
In silence
Because there is no one to call...
Melodious happy laughter
Once in triumphant rang,
Through the many rooms
Sunshine touched
Each stained glass window pane,
Horror struck
With such a swift hand
When two lovers died in vain...
Lost to greed
of evil hearts
Who loves for not but pain...
But yet in mists
Of moon kissed nights,
her hand upon his ghostly breast
when two lovers
died in vain~
Author notes
Ummm
I dunno about this one
What do you all think
Sighs
Written April 16th, 2003
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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Reminds me of Romeo & Juliet. Dying in the mausoleum. I like the way you did this...like passing on lore to a child as he kneels at his father's feet. Very nicely done.
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Very eering, feeling, hon. Reminds me of a haunted house in our neighborhood..and of all the stories..of how the owner's died. You do this genre well.
Maddie -
I loved the imagery, it is slightly eerie but very well done. The onlything I can really comment on is that I would have liked to have known more about the couple, but still, great poem.
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Excellent!
o.O Here I am..Commenting on this WONDERFUL piece. At first, I hardly noticed the rhyme scheme! Lovely use of imagery and technique!
I'll be sure to add you to my bookmark thingymagiger..
Or..Something
.
I don't think you need footnotes..It's self explanitory!
Edited on Apr 17, 4:51 p.m. because 'Add more'. -
Beautiful imagery, Susan. I seriously loved this one. However, I can't really say anything that hasn't already been said..everyone stole my comments! Soooo...keep it flowin', and thank you for your comments on my work.
!sNIKKerz! -
well to me it helped with the flow of the poem.
so I think the pauses work...tis your piece though and you should be the one who is content to have it the way it feels beat to you.
it was a lovely piece to re read Susan.
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Eerie but romantic!
I liked it, Sis! Very good poem! I would have liked to have known more about this ill-fated couple, too! Maybe footnotes like Red said.
Love Ya!
Maureen -
I think this one is great! I love the first part, gives you a great image of a forgotten, or abandoned home. Simply wonderful, as always
-Heather -
very very good write i loved it gj Blush
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I think it's well done, You might want to add a footnote about the history of the write. It would make a little clearer. Just a suggestion you can take or leave it. Yet it's beautiful on it's own as well.
Red -
Thanks for all your comments
Yeah i know i should puncuate lol~
Oh well sighs
And yeah its been a crappy night my electricty went out had to call an electrian so it was creepy by candlelite until he found the problem
Thus was the write
Hope tomorrow is better lol
Luv you all
Susan~~~ -
Powerful as always, but creepy...that's kind of new thing for you. There's also an intense ache about this poem...I liked it muchly...hugs...Ro
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Excellent
Another great write Hun ... Awesome imagery ... and rhyming is really superb.
Take every care Dear Friend,
Sammy.
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I like it Susan, thought maybe either some breaks within or some punctuation to grasp each pause as you read though would be good.
am being greedy and asking for a lil more on what happened to these lovers???
What you have is wonderful, as always well woven just thinking it seems like you could play so much more.
Hope my input isnt a pain.
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Lost to greed
of evil hearts
Who loves for not but pain... very cool, Susan... this part in particular felt very urgent. Great job.
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i think its just grand
very well penned
enjoyed the read
~*~Blu~*~ -
very good rhyme and I belive that event sof the past stain this world and spirits exist because of this. So for me this very believable pls people dont think im crazy because I believe...powerful and moving piece
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Awesome
Fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That is awesome!
I really like that
the rhyming scheme is interesting
Very very powerful
(P.s. "Eerie")
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