This lullaby I write,
for you to sleep tight.
I love you my dear,
I hope to to take away any fear.
You hear the children weep,
but please just get some sleep.
They will all heal,
they just need time to deal.
Sleep tight my love,
and may you fly like a dove.
High up in the sky,
only in your dreams so high.
I love you my sweet,
in your dreams you'll find a treat.
Sleep tight tonight,
as I sing your lullaby goodnight.
Gently close your eyes,
and in your dreams you'll awake.
Forget of the hateful lies,
and you're heartache.
Feel the butterflies,
floating in your head.
Find yourself in a special place,
where the words are unsaid.
Feel yourself falling,
as I catch you on the ground.
Don't mind my calling,
your already found.
Sleep tight tonight,
I love you,
goodnight,
and in dreamland I'll see you.
Author notes
Written August 26th, 2006
A contest entry
- Sing/Write Me a Lullaby (Contest) by Jaded Lily.
300 points, ended August 31, 2006, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I have some suggestions...
Line 4 omit one of the "to"s
Line 8 the word "deal" does not seem to fit here in a lullaby.. it stood out to me
Line 10 omit "and"
Line 12 omit "only"
Line 16 it sounds like you are singing the lullaby to sleep, I think it should read "as I sing you goodnight"
Line 17 I think should start a new stanza because the rhyme is changing
Everything line 17 and after was not nearly as well written or as strong as the previous lines. I think you could revise this to be clearer and flow smoother. Also, I was alittle unclear of the audience/ who the lullaby is being "sung" to.. maybe a line or two could be added to make that more clear
I like the overall concept of the poem, there are just some details that need some work.
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thanks for the comment.. I don't think I want to mess with it though, because it was written so long ago, and it just shows where i need to improve right now. I just love the word lullaby, and I agree with what you are saying, but ill probably just end up writing something new..
with a new concept
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Excellent rhyming, It gave the write a very nice flow. =] Great imagery, it's very well written as well. Wonderful write.
x-Pretty-Odd-x <3 -
Good Job!
ah yeah...gotta love dream land
Thanks so much for entering and good luck with the contest!
Kari -
This is a nice twist in that it can be a lullabye for adults to help them sleep like babies. Very nice, great write.
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Dearest Rose,
Thank you for such a lovely and tender entry to the contest. You have some amazing images here in this write. Very soft, gently spoken words that bring forth wonderful feelings of tranquility and relaxation. I'm so very happy that you took the time to write and enter this contest! Best of luck you you now and always.
Blessings,
Lily ♥
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