Forever would be over tomorrow if I spent it with you,
I love everything about and all that you do.
Beautiful and simple, you stand out,
Your smile cleared me of a thousand grey clouds.
With your vision, I fell from oppression,
And onto the viny shackles of the garden, Eden.
So wonderful, lush, fantastic and bright,
Just like dancing under the moonlight.
Alas my dear dear, you've seen me before,
Took not much notice and carried on with all.
I guess for now, forever is not soon ending,
But all's not lost with a love request pending.
Author notes
well what can i say, i have successfully out-cheesied myself ... owell ... i'm no shakespeare so yeh ... but the first line pretty much sums up how i feel about my special person ...
Written August 26th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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Beautiful writing and as you clearly and loudly affirm it stands out
like a ray emerging from between grey clouds.
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I feel that it would be better expressed in free verse for the rhyme goes from balanced to unstable and back again but the wording is generally gorgeous
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love cannot grow if one does not plant the seed
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A beautiful and brilliant write. It portrays sentiments, paints feelings in such a blessed manner! I am glad I got to read it!!
Edited on Sep 14, 1:13 because ''. -
excellent
an interesting poem that kept me reading... ... Did you read anything from me on this site?.Hey, you write really good... I really enjoyed the language and suspense in this..
The ending was excellent...Never stop writing... -
It's very cute, very sweet. You make cheesie work well. makes love sound like something full of nothing but hopes and smiles and sunshine. Best wishes and good luck
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good piece wuth a nice tone and flow to it.
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Hey cheeseball... :-X I'm just kidding of course..
This just makes me a little upset, because love is just seeming so far away from me as of late...
You think you feel it for so long from a few different people, but then you realize it never had that strong enough grasp.
I won't lie, its nothing out of the ordinary.. nothing overly special, but that shouldn't mean anything. It is, regardless, beautiful with a sweet message and sweet imagery and metaphores that make it definately worth reading..
And definately worth an applause. -
amazing
I love it, it made me cry, it home so hard, would you mind if i coppied it onto my conputer, i assure you, it would not be Plag. I will put your name on it and everything. well if no is the answer thats ok. get back to me -
A nice poem :-) Romantic and sweet, but not overly so to make it too much. Very pretty langugage with very nice imagery, and a good flow even if rhyme seems just a touch awkard at times. A nice poem though, good work :-)
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If you don't mind me being totally honest, I think you're right...you've "out -cheesied" yourself. The poem itself is good, and perhaps would make a wonderful gift to your special someone. I think they would truly appreciate the sentiment. Bluebird
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your love shines through beautifully in your words. The rhyming was also done well. All in all it was a great piece. The muse would be entranced by your heartfelt poetry. Write on
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These rhyming couplets work well in this poem - always nice to have someone like this to write about.
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this was a very well described love thought lol. I can fel the love in this piece. wonderfully penned. Thanks for sharing.
Vsutton -
oh, lovely write. loved the first part a bit more, must admit because my love has 'seen me' and we're together, at least in spirit when we can't be physically. nicely done though, short and sweet, best of luck with your special person, this made me smile! may peace go with you
~shadowlyn -
Superb/romantic/unique/fun
Very nicely done, indeed, just as it is. -
I've felt this way so many times before. A love that sends you into utter bliss... you'd hate to think what it would be like if they returned your love. Such a universal feeling. Well done in depicting it.
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Who cares if you are shakespear or not shakespear is dead....
You my friend have produced a gorgeous poem full of emotion and not that bad of rhyming. Alot of poets (including myself) try so hard to force rhyme that we just make is suck . I loved the flow of the peice and the sense of yearning i got from it. You really put alot into this and i hope you know ti was well worth the work. Persoanlly i love cheesey love poems they always make me smile I know if i were the girl this poem was for i would be estatic!!! GREAT WRITE!
katie -
good.
Yes, this poem is a bit cheezy, but still effective. The love shows and that's what really counts. -
good
nice not near shakespeare but a nice second place alas will think you to be him none the less but a really like it so all is well -
This is a very sweet and tender love poem
I'm sure that special one would adore it.
There is nothing nicer than having a poem written for you.
The rhyming seems a little forced in places but I thought it was lovely in any case.
LOL I have most of Shakespeares Sonnets and I think some of them are forced rhymes too LOL
Jill/Cherry xxxx
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