part one
In the winds of change
And sands of time
Lost a tale of a wise man
With a beard of wisdom
And silence was his hair
Light of faith was his body
Which cast all the shadows away
Who cried, cried with no tears
Who was scared with no fears.
A tale to be read, in virtues
Of men, where this wise man lived
Who showed, the strength of faith
And belief, were the darkness he breach
Nights with good deeds he teach
A wise man used to be,
In virtues of men he lived
Who cried, cried with no tears
Who was sacred with out any fears
Where respect was respected,
Were privacy was a policy,
Where honesty was common,
And truth was the truth
In the winds of change
And sands of time
Lost a wise man
Who cried no tears,
Who lost all his fears,
Lost its way in minds
Of men, which dint care
Author notes
Prelude of the wise man part two allpoetry.com/poem/2217037
Written August 26th, 2006
6. Philosophical.
A contest entry
- Shape of Impact by Gossamer Guile.
900 points, ended December 20, 2007, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Largest Contest On AP!!!! by xxRainbowDawnxx.
3000 points, ended August 26, 2008, 1705 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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There are no words for this. For I, as the wise man, am lost for something to say. Amazing message. Beautifully written. Well done.
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I liked this, it had a nice rhythm and was a little sing-songy, which isn't bad, that's a good thing I think. Anyhow, good luck in the contest!
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This was nice. It reminded me a little bit of Merlin, or the description of the old man did. Will take a trip down to your other part soon, to see the sequal.
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Great
This is a great poem. I loved it. It has a deep meaning, although I'm not sure I completely understand it at the moment. I also loved the word choice. I think it would look better if you corrected the capitilization and punctution. You might want to look through for typos. Where it says "Nights with good deeds he teach" I'm not sure, but I think it should be taught. It would no longer rhyme, but since the whole poem doesn't rhyme, I don't think it would affect the poem. Keep Writing!
-Shadow
Good luck in the contest! -
WOW, thats an amazing poem. it has a message that is deeper and different with each read. as far as i can understand it seems a reflection on the modern world and how such things as honesty, privacy and respect have been lost. but if you look at it deeper it is more a comment on the teachings of older and wiser men from the past, almost along the same lines as learning from the past, before committing the same mistake, and lessons from the past teach us the path to the future.
i really found that this poem had such an undefinable message and yet the message was clear, depending on your understanding. a wonderful piece anyway and thankyou for sharing it with me.
Apart from the message this poem was brilliant in many other ways, the wording was spot on and brought the tale to its potential although whether that is its full potential is yet to be seen I particularly like the lines:
And silence was his hair
Light of faith was his body
and
Who cried, cried with no tears
Who was scared with no fears
it just seems so profound and enlightened. these four lines stood out for me but there were many others that were equally expressive.
another thing that this poem/tale has is a storytellers voice, which although i write tales is often difficult to create in written form. i find the sense of a storytellers voice adds to the poems, mystery and affect and you created a brilliant persona for your words.
Thankyou once again for showing this to me.
keep writing such amazing poetry.
Kelbornro
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i forgot to add it last time.. u actully got the poem .. so many people read and none got the depth as u did.. i was so happy to read comment again and felt bad that i dint appreciate ur comment at the first time( m sorry).. thanks a lot for ur time and understanding.. this is one of my fav work i have done
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thnaks again for your time..im sure you will love the part two of it.. i felt that there is no proper ending to this one so i made another part
www.allpoetry.com/poem/2217037
is any chance i can enter this one also..u kno jus checkijn my luck
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hey dona
im glad that u found this poem better than the previous ones...i keep ur comment in mind for any of future writings...
well i just wanted to create an imagination as those two lines does not give any exact moment of time and place but i think it gives any suitable era of time suitable for the reader..
and if completly cut second stanza..i will be just repeating first stanza twice...
well i really apreciated ur comment.. i just started writing poetry with out previous knowledge of poetry..the only poet i have read scincerly was john keats(that also in my class),
i will try to improve
thanks agin
abuyi -
This one is better than the first one I read, but the first two lines are cliche. Never use a figure of speech that you are used to seeing in print. Cliches offer prefabricated phrasing that may be used without effort on your part. They are thus used at the expense of both individuality and precision, since you can't say just what you mean in the mechanical response of a cliché.
Your second stanza could be cut completely without losing anything from the poem. The most interesting line is this:
And silence was his hair
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thnx for the comment..i would look for the mistakes and correct it...
i am glad that you like my poem
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Image and Visions
thnxx for the comment,i cant think if removing anyline, each line adds an effect to this poem....thats what i feel
again thnxx for ur comment ..iam really obliged -
yah thats very true...
thnxx for the coomment...i really appretiated...gave me some encouragement and happiness
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thnxx for reading my poem and showing that mistake...i will change it as soon i can,
the poem is not actully about a man,it about the ethics, our previous genrations had, which kept loosing its touch...
thnxx for the comment again,it was very encouraging -
thanx for ur comment,i am obliged..and thanx for the time you taken to notice those mistakes...i would change as soon as i can
and about the grammer, i thogut the this poem would be better if its not in proper grammer,
if you liked this poem, iam sure you would also like my poem a tale to be told,
thnxx again
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For the most part this was good. There seem to be a problem with the flow in the first paragraph I think. Some syllables where off or something making it a little harder to feel what it was you were trying to write about.
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abuyi, overall I really enjoyed this piece, though at time it seemed a little redundent and lenghty. You might want to see if there are parts you might want to remove. this part 'In the winds of change And sands of time' really read like a very good and memorable Cliché I liked. Image and Visions
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I love the word choice you have used here
it is so descriptive and expressive, making the reader think off hand. Keep the writing up- i like it xx
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very good
not being a fan of worry about spelling or grammer but more interested in the poem itself and so today i leave the rest for others to point out ..great write i realy enjoyed this although i would have written in black or chose a dark background and written in white for a more dramatic look
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Truly inspirational. Wise men are overlooked in today's society, and often ignored if they are noticed. It's depressing that our present day geniuses are mostly outcast from our world. Feared most likely. oh well. Great poem.
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I have to say, I must be tired because I could not understand the gist of this....I had to read others comments to gain insight...what confused me was the text of "wise man" then the repition of "its" I kept thinking it should be his not its....do you follow my thinking there?
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LOvely flowing poem. Rather sad, too. You have some typos/misspellings here:
Of men, where this wise men lived
men - man
Of men, which dint care
dint - didn't
The grammar isn't exactly correct in some places, but it actually makes the poem rather original. It's almost like an ancient song from somewhere in ireland or something. A song of a nomad...
Good luck and thank you for the read.
Melanie -
Fascinating
The value of knowledge and ethics lost to each passing generation, for only to work its way over again from scratch and fall back into nothingness to start over again. If you ever needed to make a continuation, perhaps see the view of the symbolic "wise man" in the view of the generation itself, or see it the final days of the wise man itself.
A great piece, lovely repition in some lines, keep the work up abdullah
Cheers
Your good friend, Kal 24 -
Thank you for entering my contest and good luck. Ami
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