Mother Trombone, take the lead,
for my last breath needs something sweet.
So fill the air with scents of peace
as I retire to my dreams.
Then those will fade like stars collapsed
when energy borrowed my soul gives back,
and I will return to Ideas and Facts—
that place shadows chase yet never quite grasp.
Brassy skin and resonate bones
cradle the ballad that pumps fleshy tones.
My rhythm is slack and pleasantly slow
as I hum the final verse in Reality’s solo.
I entrust my song to your significant slides;
your instrument starts as my instrument dies.
Dear silent notes of my past: Good-bye.
Once more, very brief, they sound. So alive!
This world was a diamond, my very own—
violins, harps, and saxophones—
but now it’s time to sleep alone.
Mother Trombone, take me home.
Author notes
Written August 26th, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- O, Death by Loreley.
300 points, ended November 2, 2006, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - loseing sum 1 by Christina-is-crazy.
300 points, ended September 22, 2008, 31 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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Hello magicpie, and welcome to the contest! Your title is very unique and when I read your poem, I got shivers! You actually managed to capture something I thought about putting in the options - that jazzy funeral procession feel with the sadness that can't quite be described in words - until now. I think this line captures that elusive feeling extremely well: "My rhythm is slack and pleasantly slow" and several other images throughout the piece add to it ("sweet", "fleshy") One suggestion: verse 2, in my opion, doesn't quite fit with the rest of the poem. The repetition and change between the first and last lines frame this piece very well. I think you have a jewel here, and I hesitate to say this but feel you could pull the strongest lines and work with them to make it even better. Thanks for entering and good luck!
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OH MY!
This is a lovely duet until the last note. I've never read ANYTHING like this.
Wonderful!!! I've been reading alot these days and youhave won my 'WooHoo' award for the evening! Sorry there's no points attached but this is great. I'm actually hesitant to enter the contest now... THe flow and power is dynamic. There may be a few edits to give a bit more punch but even as it is, it's great.
Best of luck in the contest!
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good, but you didnt put in the authors comments what option...did you read the rules?
if not please read them and add what i asked...but otherwise liked the poem. it flowed very well.-hayley
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i like this poem. i dunno really why but it touched me. i can connect and relate to what your saying throughout this poem. good luck in the contest and keep writing
Thankyou For Entering
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