My heart beat alone for long tedious years;
As I lived in a soulless house.
Bound to a man who thought me worth less then dust.
A being who never noticed mournful moans.
I escaped into vacuous cuisine
that did nothing to nourish my spirit.
I found no solace in pretty baubles,
no succor in a life that had no heart.
I listened to words designed to oppress;
lexis spoken only to disparage dreams.
An abyss loomed before me, and I,
longed to leap into it’s welcoming arms.
It was then I heard your song.
A long mournful howl.
It echoed ‘cross the canyons of my soul;
pulled relentlessly on my shattered core.
Sweet music reverberating in my breast,
called me home across barren lands.
I danced to your melody,
Dreamed of beauty within myself.
Finally - I stood before you.
Mesmerized, by sienna eyes;
As your knowing hands exposed the jewel,
so cruelly locked inside.
Patricia Gibson-Little
Author notes
To Joe... My Wolf... Thank you for seeing the me that was covered by years of neglect.
Written April 14th, 2003
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1 - 5 of 5
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alot of good imagry in here
I am really sorry and I appologize for not leaving better comments tonight, my head is going to burst.
Jen -
I think the other judges covered everything I was going to say. You are a good writer, but you still have a few little problems to iron out as they had mentioned. This is a nice poem.
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A lot of soul in this poem and some very good images.
A little polishing could see this piece stronger.
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Very emotional piece! The story is both sad and beautiful. Another soul that "exposed the jewel" from years of neglect is a wonderful concept. You have many moving lines. Nice job!
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"mesmerized by sienna eyes"
liked some of the fundamental ideas you toyed with. you expressed well something that reminded me of resentment/bitterness/futility. enjoyed that there was a positive resolution. that's so nice to find!
you've got some mechanical issues. then for than. it's for its. things of that nature. otherwise, solid and you turned some great phrases.
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