My child my child, come walk with me.
I will show you the world, in all its beauty.
Far in the distance, a young sparrow sings.
Leaping branch to branch, testing new wings.
There to your right, see how butterflies flutter.
Upon beautiful flowers, made for each other.
Look up my child; see how the skies are all blue.
Turn your head west, feel how the wind touches you.
Let's sit for a spell, and just talk for a while.
Of the mother who bore you, and still is my child.
There are so many things, to be learned in your life.
Whatever it brings you, be it joys of living or of strife.
I want you to remember, this journey we took.
When nothing is clear, and not found in a book.
Gently close your eyes, re-living the beauty we see
Remembering this walk, while remembering me.
Writings of Malabu©2006
Author notes
Picture inspiration (see below)
img.allpoetry.com/images//custom2/Rabe_Lenore/thenandnowbymissinseattle3kh.jpg
Written August 23rd, 2006
A contest entry
- Prewrite Phenomenon #2 by Ryno.
300 points, ended February 9, 2007, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 37 of 37
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Congratulations on winning bronze in this contest. Loved the picture and the sentiments it brought out in all the entrants. The rhyming couplets worked well here.
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Beautiful work. Congratulations on your place in this contest. Very well deserved indeed
Gaylene
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Loved It
I am deeply moved by this poem. It reminds me of my Mother. I had no Grandmother as my Mother's Mother died when she was a little girlof four. My Mom wore all the hats for me growing up. She helped shape my vison and tought me to see. Reading this poem was like walking and talking to her again.
Thank you and Much Love -
very good
this is so beautiful, sweet, tender and touching, I loved the lines:
I want you to remember, this journey we took.
When nothing is clear, and not found in a book.
Gently close your eyes, re-living the beauty we see
Remembering this walk, while remembering me.
it really does touch the reader. it flows well and is very good. -
Beautifully Penned!!
Magnificently penned with a picture in Inspirational words...
You have captured the essence of the image and so no physical picture needed to envision this Masterpiece
Loved the rhyme and presentation!!
Thoroughly enjoyed inhaling your verse
Look forward to more!!!
Best wishes to You in the contest!!!
Many blessings too
and much love~ Desire~*~
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A lovely poem :-) I feared it would be too much for me when I started, but in the end I found it really pretty :-) I liked the idea of the mother using nature to teach her child about life...and in turn, this created ideal chance to really explore some imagery and metaphore, which you did really well. A very pretty poem :-)
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This is soooo beautiful!!! I have just found out that I am going to be an aunt, and that is all I could think of while reading this! I love this. Thanks for writing it.
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very good
as a nana i too also agree ,this is a beautifull write and wonderfull words,a great picture of youth and age together is formed in the mind in thei wonderfull poem,keep up the good work, thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest with this beautifull poem
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Very Sweet And Demure, Whilst expressive And Powerful.
Well Done x) -
Nice work
well...it comes to times when most ppl think their grandmothers are talking too much (that was harsh...i mean giving so much advice)...well lemme tell u something. u jus made advice seem more friendlier than usual. The rhyming was awesome.
the imagery was very very nice. Grandmothers are a symbol of peace...and so is nature. I like the way u blended them. Figuratively, i think the nature part (nature being a symbol of peace) of the poem can stand for the peace the advice will bring to the child when she listens to her grandmother in all her wisdom.
nice work...writing from pictures is kinda nice...keep it up
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i really love the flow on this poem. your rhymes were all really perfect and just added to the flair of the poem. the content was great and it's just.. an amazing write. great job with it. good luck in the contest and keep on writing...
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Malabu,
your couplet form worked well to support your rhyme scheme. Your message clear, and I think the best line in the poem was stanza three line two for the fresh image it gave my mind. Good luck. -
Very light and airy
This line is brilliant for it says EXACTLY who the speaker is.
"Of the mother who bore you, and still is my child."
L2 it's
L9 Let's
-Eddy
I have a few suggestion for tightening this up, we can discuss
it AFTER the contest if you wish, just a matter of words added, subtracted or changed. -
Moving
Beautiful poem. I have enjoyed it thoroughly. You have captured a Grandmother's perspective exceptionally well. As a Nana I say, Bravo! I believe I commented before, but it seems it was lost on that fateful day of upgrad experimentation So again, I say "Thank you for entering my contest."
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Gosh Mally, I haven't seen you in ages and ages...
This is a super poem for children and makes me picture you reciting it, with a kind face and s0ft voice, but also it connects with the contest picture perfectly...
you have expressed a great story telling talent and I like the way it flows so smoothly and leaves a wonderful image in my mind...I love the 2nd two lines which reminds me of Spring all over again
you don't need any luck wishing, so I won't do it just fantastic
~Lilac~
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What a great poem...so descriptive. Had a great flow from beginning to end. Thanks for sharing.
Soulful Woman -
This is beautiful. Sort of wanting to leave a legacy... remember me.
Beautifully worked, writen, timed.
Lets sit for a spell, and just talk for a while.
Of the mother who bore you, and still is my child.
There are so many things, to be learned in your life.
Whatever it brings you, be it joys or life’s strife.
I want you to remember, this journey we took.
I really liked this bit. Its beautiful. (overused word...)
rah -
a lovely piece. so poignant and so full of imagery. a very art-ful piece, with great flow and a touching message. a wonderful children's poem. re: repitition of ~life~ in the 6th stanza ... perhaps removing 'or life's' and replacing it with another word, ie "... be it joy, love or strife." just a suggestion.
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I'm sorry to say this poem did not work for me. I find it more of a story/fable than a poem. I know it is sometimes difficult to relate to a pic sombody else has piked up, so that may be the problem - you concluded the expected - a grandmother and grandchild scene, the former 'educating' the latter. So for the theme - it's pretty banal and i couldn't find poetic qualities either. Maybe you could stick to the theme but try to enrich the images, the language - work on it some more and i am sure you could come up with a much improved poem.
good luck in your contest,
rachel -
oH~~ Malabu~ just beautiful! I sat here loving this
you did indeed create a masterpiece.. thank you for sharing this and putting us in a relaxed state as well..keep up the great poetry,..!! ~MM~ -
Hi Will Iam.......yep.....fought myself over the redundancy of those two lines.........when I think of something worthy....I may see fit to change them.......now if you have a suggestion I am open to it.......I never object to someone helping me improve on my writings.......I am not a pompous poet lol.....
Thanks for the review.....
Mal -
W RITE ONN !!
Nice write Mal..!
Loved the serenity painted in the flow of your brush...
There are so many things, to be learned in your life.
Whatever it brings you, be it joys or life’s strife.
did ya mean to put ~life~'s strife in the 2nd stanza too..??
Great write in the grander flow of what ART is..
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This was tender and softened with a subtle tone of patience and love. I can actually feel the bond forming in your words as well as the teaching aspect.Loved your construction and flow. Beautiful piece.
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Outstanding.
well done, most people throw words together just to make a ryhme, but this was well thought out, incredible. -
Absolutely, positively brilliant...softly masterful...
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I dont mind Branbenji........I wrote this poem for children....as much adults to enjoy.....I hope your kids enjoy its meaning.......its all about family......and those who guide us through life in our early years.......less we forget those we love and cherish.......heart and mind......love and life...
Albert -
Absolutely Lovely
Quite lovely, Malabu. I haven't read anything of yours lately. So glad you featured this for me to lookysee. Take care. -
Wow. Amazing. Alot of heartfelt and honest things are said, and in such a gripping and beautiful way. Bravo. Very touching. Best Wishes.
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very good
This is a beautiful poem written well I think I will share it with my children. if you do not mind. -
Thanks suseann.....as always I love when you stop by and comment.....the picture was touching and sow where my thoughts...
....so...
warm hugs
Albert -
Thanks for stopping by and reading my pome tearz....you always honor me with kind words....and thoughtful expressed thoughts.....they do mean a lot..... for ya....warm one...:
Albert -
Thank you Rabe for reading and commenting...Ive added periods....some people dont like punctuation...some do....lol...thanks for the encouraging and kind words too.....
Hugs
Malabu
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Hi Crystal.........Im honored you have come and commenting on my writing......And thanks so much for pointing out that miss nommer...I changed a few things...I hope its better, also fixed that mistake..... for you sweetie...
thanks for the lovely comment too.....
Hugs O Lot
Albert -
Oh,I like this! A walk to remember a lifetime of an afternoon spent in the company of Grandmama.Good one Mally.~~Suseann
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crystaldust 25-08-06 21:36
Beauty streams from this poem, Malabu, in every verse. I looked at the picture which your gentle imagination enhances with nearly every word. (I think you may have two letters too many at the beginning of verse 6 - just a typo which you don't need).
Heaps of luck in this contest and I shan't leave it so long next time before I look at your poems. Couldn't be helped, but I've missed reading several of my "favourites".
Keep writing lovely poems like this: they make great reading.
Joy -
Well Said
This is an adorable write, and sounds like a real experience. Would like to see some more even punctuation.
The imagery is lovely and fits well with the photo. Your talent is clearly visible...Deb
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This pome leaves the heart to ponder some wonderful things,
a very touching write, of present time and for memories in later
time. Amazing job with this one,
Thank you once again for sharing your talent
Love and Light
TEarz
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