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The Candle and the Wick

You can be the candle
And I can be the long wick,
Not one of those fat round ones
But a tall slender silver candlestick.

You can light my fire anytime
Then I can drip all over you,
Fire burning as our sweet love
As a candle holder for two.

You can burn for up to three or four hours
As the wick, I'll stay in place,
The aroma of your sweetness fills the room
And there is wax all over the place.

Oh how we fit so well together
We must both be present to work right,
So I must go find a lighter
For very soon it will turn to night.

Author notes

COPYRIGHT (C) 8/23/2006
WRITTEN BY POETDONTKNOWIT
Written August 23rd, 2006

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 15 of 15
  • Mercury Rising
    December 13, 2007

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    A very humorous and whimsical piece of poetry that has a certain adorable innocence of expression that I really admire. Best of luck in my contest, and thanks for entering.

    David


  • Gone
    July 19, 2007
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    I feel this did not really fit the description of my contest title.... it all felt to comfortable...

    I am looking for the kind of passion which hurts, even when it feels good!!!

    sorry, and thanks for entering
    x


  • Gone
    July 5, 2007

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    Thanks for entering... I will give a detailed review prior to announcing the results

    cheers
    James


  • squeezy
    May 14, 2007

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    Nice metaphor

    I wouldn't call this a still life, because the objects were so overtly metaphors for people (so you were describing a relationship by using the idea of candles, rather than describing a candle itself/alone).

    That aside, this is a really good piece; a well-used form, a great metaphor- sustained and elaborated on, great combination of narrative, tension and mood. Really enjoyable.


  • lie
    March 27, 2007

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    Interesting. It felt to me, that in the first stanza the even lines were a little off of meter.
    This reads as a very lyrical piece. I think that the idea of candles and passion is a little overused, but you added a degree of creativity with your imagery in the third stanza.
    Everything was complete and you told a full story.
    Good job.


  • Dead Star--x
    March 14, 2007

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    i dont know why but this reminds me of blue october ♥ i think its because that line but heres an applaud x]
    thanx for entering & good luck!
    x-amount of words

  • Newbie50
    March 6, 2007

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    Poet, Watch out you don't get burnt. lmaoooooooooooo Very humorous and not what I think of with the candlestick. I think of Miss Scarlett with the lead pipe in the conservatory. Good luck in the contest. Keep smiling. Jeff


  • individuality gold member
    February 6, 2007

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    a good piece, very candlelight-hearted. i wish that you have good luck in this contest you have entered. spill ink and twist me into the crazy shape of love...

  • Vera Rich gold member
    February 6, 2007

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    acknowledgement - and reminder on bonus points

    Thank you for entering. I regret the delay in starting to process the entries; however, when I was about to open them on Candlemas morning, I discovered that the "system" had listed the competition as closing on 6 February - 4 days later. So, in case anyone was working to this later deadline, I let the competition run on. Naturally, I did not look at the page again until this morning (6 February) - and then I found the closing date had reverted to 2 February as I had originally intended it to be. (I do NOT understand how this happened - however, the finer points of the internet remain a mystery to me).

    I am now acknowledging entries, and - in view of the delay, will download them for judging so that I shall not have to look at your page again before I have reached my decision.

    So,this means that the period for critiquing other entries can begin as from now, and run until Friday (9 February) mid-day London time.

    If you wish to earn bonus points for critiquing, please critique at least three entries by other people. Critiques should be written in good English, avoiding text-speak, should be at least 50 words long, and be MEANINGFUL.

    Please note that critiques dated before the competition closed will not, repeat NOT, count towards bonus points.

    Also that to be eligible for bonus points you MUST leave your poem in the competition until the FINAL report on it is sent to you as an IM. Withdrawing it prematurely could mean that other competitors who have critiqued it could lose THEIR chances of a bonus.


  • Stormy Sky
    December 15, 2006

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    Very interesting spin on the second option. I like it. Especially the candle and wick idea. Very nice touch. Good job and good luck in this contest.

    ~PoisonedRationality~


  • wakingdevil
    November 22, 2006

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    A nice simple love story of a candle ) Well written!Thanks for entering and best of luck


  • Danna Hobart
    November 3, 2006
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    This is cute and clever, but MSLJ is looking for discursive writing.


  • Norman Crabtree
    September 20, 2006
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    i liked the simplicity and personality of this poem, another consistent effort.


  • Xx Morbid Beauty xX
    August 30, 2006
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    ok i see the words thanks

  • Xx Morbid Beauty xX
    August 25, 2006
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    you still havent told me which words that you have chossen in your piece.

1 - 15 of 15