That Night by The Slayer
allpoetry.com/poem/2046501
Purity of emotion. An expression of having to do what is to be done. A very justifiable reason to let the demon in all of us take over.
Zamora in Ozark by Black Comedy
allpoetry.com/Poem/2111540
mystical, magical and a fantasy beyond simple imagination. It just blows me away every time I read it. This is true imagination stretched beyond the boundaries of the creative box.
Author notes
Written August 23rd, 2006
A contest entry
- Two of your favourite poems by other AP writers by dp robertson.
300 points, ended September 27, 2006, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
-
Thanks for choosing that poem. How are you?
-
Two of my all time favourites by bubbasamuel
That Night by The Slayer - allpoetry.com/poem/2046501
What the nominator thinks - Purity of emotion. An expression of having to do what is to be done. A very justifiable reason to let the demon in all of us take over.
Congratulations! This poem was nominated as one of the two best poems on this site for a favourites comp run by D P Robertson. You were nominated by bubbasamuel
What I thought - This story is nicely told. Perhaps wasted in poetry form as it is a good basis for something more substantial as it could easily be developed to a short story or even a chapter of a longer book. What I would say that if it were looked at closely there are many wasted opportunity with not using “the” or “a” for an adjective that will better colour this work that is already well put together. Its very melodramatic but I would much prefer that than something so beige as to be invisible. Good work.
David
Zamora in Ozark by Black Comedy - allpoetry.com/Poem/2111540
What the nominator thinks - mystical, magical and a fantasy beyond simple imagination. It just blows me away every time I read it. This is true imagination stretched beyond the boundaries of the creative box
Congratulations! This poem was nominated as one of the two best poems on this site for a favourites comp run by D P Robertson. You were nominated by bubbasamuel
What I thought - This is a good example of why you need a good vocabulary to rhyme as this poem suffers dreadfully from poor, basic and clichéd rhyming choices forced upon the writer due to limited word stock. The choices in some of these lines create a really predicable and sometimes even forced and plonky feel to the AABBCC poetry pattern that sometimes goes into triple rhyme. The story itself is not bad but the inability to find the right melodic patterns with many words phonetically clashing also adds to the task of reading this. The piece tends to drag. I would urge this reader to look at the works of Silica on this site and realise just how much work needs to be done and read him carefully for he carries all the good lessons required for you to lift your own poetry off the page. Also read my column on rhyming poetry and do the exercise I suggest for if you plan to scribe epic poems it is essential that all readers be absolutely captivated and this is not captivating.
David
PS This may help - allpoetry.com/Column/2242851
-
I wonder.. why aren't any of my poems there.. but I guess.. these must be the BEST!
Adding your comment:
