Broken glass-
amid sand and rocks.
Midnight star-
an expiring light.
A dying rose-
among decaying weeds.
The lonely child-
on a rain soaked street.
A butterfly
weaves aimlessly-
if you look inside;
this is me.
Author notes
Written August 23rd, 2006. Pretty self explanitory I think.
A contest entry
- I WANT A FAMILY TOO! by Tempa Lee.
600 points, ended February 3, 2007, 11 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Show, Don't Tell! by loveisthemoment.
330 points, ended April 11, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - SHOW ME WHO YOU ARE by SecretMe15.
365 points, ended May 4, 2007, 11 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Broken inside by BareBeast.
300 points, ended September 10, 2007, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - life by NeverRegret.
315 points, ended October 9, 2007, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Who are you? by ChiyoKaya.
1000 points, ended January 10, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Masking the Imperfections by Fairies on Fire.
519 points, ended February 2, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 37 of 37
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I like what you're going for here and your imagery is powerful but I think it needs more links. The different parts of this are so unconnected that the reader doesn't get a clear picture at all. The images ned to be, if not along the same theme, then at least getting at the same thing. Either further expansion of each theme or more unity is needed here to raise it up...
I did especially like the 'butterfly' and 'rose' parts though....good luck xxx -
Beauty in simple truth...very touching and heartfelt, your imagery is so strong and so deep in so few words...feels so lonely. I can relate in so many ways.
Third and fourth stanza are so powerful.
Great work.
mystic
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I love the simplicity. An overlooked beauty is what this poem describes to me. Unappreciated and alone in this sordid world. Very well done! Thank you SO much for entering!
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Pain, is sp hard to get away from and after awhile if you hav'nt fixed it till catch up with you. great write. good luck
bailey -
Yeah same here this is m
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Powerfully sad, the 2 lines..
The lonely child-
on a rain soaked street.
Were heartbreaking to read. Good luck in the contest! -
heartbreaking...yet beautifully written
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This was a really strong poem. I did have to read it more than twice, but that's what makes it so good. You definitely made me think on this one, and it was exactly what I was looking for. Thanks for entering this into my contest.
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ooo This is wonderful and what I was looking for. Thank you so much for entering and good luck!
Love always,
~GC -
Hmm..
Hate the link color lol but that is beside the point.. it doesn't match. Anywho. Great description of you and I love the word choice. Great write. Thanks for entering
A MURDEROUS LAMENT <\33 -
Lots of imagery. I feel like I may have just started to understand who you are. Brava. Thanks for entering. Because of lack of entries and that I'm leaving town tomorrow and can't extend I'm not going to choose a winner. If I redo the contest when I return I'll send you a message.
NoL
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Very descriptive and alot of imagery that really expresses who you are. well done and good luck
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please put the family member you want to be. nice poem. return the favor.
~Dani~ -
Alex this is a lovely write you penned here dear bro, well done good luck in the contest
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LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT!!! Fragile, vulnerable, sincere, ....wonderful. Can I adopt you?
Good luck in the contest my friend.
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good luck in the contest with this very good write
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I thought that this was a really good poem. Thank you for entering my contes
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i liked the twist the end of the poem had gr8 write xxxx
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At first I saw this as a collection of sayings but you wrapped them up into a good poem with your final words. A trifle too sorrowful for my normal mood but well written nevertheless.
Well Done and thanks for entering the competition.
Jim -
This was great. I truly loved this poem. It's unique and at the same time so passionate, emotional. The use of dark images was just so......for lack of better words, poetic. Great job on this and thanks for entering my contest.
~Lia -
nicely done.. alot of description and comparison in this piece.. a sad piece with alot to show... the choice of comparisons worked because they were all completely different.. though all making the same point.. so that helped the emotion of this piece alot.. wich was all that was really being described... the flow of it worked really well... and the only part that rhymed helped the ending nicely.. and brought it to a nice conclusion... though for critisism... i would say the beginning could be a bit more gripping.. because this piece seems to have a body. and an end.. but no real beginning.. and my second critisism would be the length.. i think that if the piece was increased in length and had some mroe comparisons.. it would show alot more.. to me just seemed a bit to short
.. but that is all my opinion.. so thank you for entering.. and keep writing
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thank you very much my friend,
alex
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This is a very good write that you had written here Alex, your rhythm flowed beautifully throughout the entire poem my friend good luck in the contest
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cheers bill! much appreciated,
alex. -
First rate
Excellent piece of poetry here--it deserves to be a winner.
Cheers,
Bill -
thanks a lot sorrow86,
very much appreciated,
floorboards. -
thanks a lot, much appreciated,
floorboards. -
this poem is not very elaborate... but it does serve the purpose of being very personal. The limited words and explanations of the emotions does a great job at emphasizing the last two lines: "if you look inside, this is me."
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aw thank you very much granny, what a wonderful comment!, nah this isn't about me at all.i got the first 2 lines and took it from there, thank you very much for your concern and kind words,
a luv yoo!
alex 
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It's great how you can get such a lonely message across so effectively in just a few simply lines! I really enjoyed this piece!
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thank you very much for your kind words my friend,
alex
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thank you my friend
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Alex this is a wonderful poem. Very well written. Creative, clever and captivating.
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Alex this is a very good poem that you had written here my friend your rhythm flows beautifully throughout the entire poem good luck in the contest my friend sounds golden to me
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I love it. Most excellent. Hauntingly sad, teeming with loneliness. Great job Alex. Jan.
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cheers matey, very much appreciated kenny, i'm not sure about this at all
alex. -
Another excellent piece of writing my friend,i really enjoyed this.Good luck in the contest.Kenny
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