The love stories told
over hot soup and cold bread,
a steaming mug of coffee
and a steel bubble around my head
blocking out the tainting smoke
of cigarettes and discouraged dreams --
comfortable in our quaint Utopia
where life is measured by
coffee spoons
and everyone is in love
with the famous
Michelangelo
and no one thinks for himself...
Where people decide who you are
and find the meaning of life
in antique shops
Where music flows freely
but only says
what the people can dance to
and not miss a step...
Where girls wear pink
and never black
boys where blue
with pressed khaki slacks
shiny shoes and slicked back hair
and they constantly wonder
"Do I dare? Do I dare? -
to drink a cold soda and dance in the rain
get a little dirty and never complain
to tell her I love her
and hold her tiny hand
get milkshakes on the beach
and play in the sand?"
...Or do they go on with the world's gentle sway -
and quietly, wistfully, come and go
talking of Michelangelo?
The boy dates the model,
The girl cries in her sleep.
They talk through a mask
and never take that leap...
Soda's are "different"
and filth is "bad"
So they grab a cup of Joe -
and quietly come and go
speaking of no one
but a Michelangelo
Author notes
One day in Creative Writing we read this AMAZING poem by T. S. Elliot
It was called "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock"
I wrote this poem because I was inspired, and I tried my best to imitate some of his writing style. T. S. Elliot is a lot more formal, and I a lot more modern/contemporary.
the inspiration for some lines in the poem:
(these are all lines from Elliot's poem)
I have measured out my life with coffee spoons
And indeed there will be time
To wonder, “Do I dare?” and, “Do I dare?”
In the room the women come and go
Talking of Michelangelo.
that's all I remember, but Elliot's poem is much longer than mine...
A contest entry
- The Asshole's PIF: Good Poets Borrow, Great Poets STEAL! SERIOUS POETS ONLY by Avatar of Innocence.
1600 points, ended April 12, 2008, 8 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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My only concern is the haphazard rhyming scheme (or seeming lack thereof). Other than that, if this is truly a free-verse poem, and you just applied rhymes where they fell in this piece, then good you. Nicey, Nicey...distinctly spicy. Great last line and remarkably deft use of repetition.
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actually this was one of those times where I wrote and wrote and occasionally a rhyme would pop up in my head...so, yeah it was free-verse and then just occasionally a rhyme seemed appropriate.
I'm glad you liked it!
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I really love the insight in this poem. It was very visual, sunshiny-happy with a dark taint. I liked the part: "where life is measured by
coffee spoons
and everyone is in love
with the famous
Michelangelo
and no one thinks for himself..."
Great work!
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Please put your option # and your username in the author notes of your poem. Reemember that rule. though
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This is beautiful, which option? number 2
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Oh I like it has a very thoughtful tone to it. And in some strange way it is relaxing to read I think it is because the flow is just so smooth. Very good Thanks for entering and best of luck!
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thank you for entering!
over all score is a 5 -
Emotionally Grabbbing
Interesting piece of literature, I felt such emotion being express from a third persons point of view that it left cold and saturated. I liked the phrasing and the flow of your first stanza as the imagery is vivid and creatively beautiful.
What was the driving inspiration to this masterpiece?
-Keep the ink flowing!
-and good luck in the contest!
-Solus McKnight
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Excellent!!! When I saw the title, I thought it would be completely different. Wow, this amazed me. The description of society, of its vile and fake nature, of how we all tend to complicate ourselves into oblivion, how everything that is pure, natural and sweet is overlooked and hated. The effect that the repeted word "Michelangelo" has is great, it really ties the whole idea and the metaphor attached is simply genius. How delightful thy mind...
The truth saddened me, but this is one of the best poems I've ever read. The best of luck in the contest!!!
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I love how you used the idea of "the famous/Michelangelo" in this piece. I also really enjoy the reference to our "quaint Utopia"; it was subtle but effective. This was definitely one of those poems I went back and reread to find even more than I did the first time. I like this freestyle. My only slight suggestion would perhaps be to use more punctuation, but that is a matter of opinion. In any case, I love this piece.
Good luck in my contest!
Thanks for entering,
-- Emily. -
This deff relates to society! Being forced to fit into a group just because of who you are. It also reflects the dull progression of life "where life is measured by coffee spoons". Nice write, good luck in the contest!
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I definitely see the hypocrisy in this! Congratulations!
This was a very interesting write, one that was woven with fantastic imagery. Bravo!
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Great poem. I can see the etching of the hypocrisy in it. I think it can be in the eye of the beholder.
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Excellent!!!!
Excellent!! Just Excellent!!I really liked this poem.... Fantastic imagery throughout and the word choice was wonderful..... There is so much in this poem that I really like that It would be hard to pick out just one or two lines. The flow was great.. almost like a song...
Really enjoyed this read
Wonderful write
Bonnie
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