Another dance, another night of dancing with my friends,
but my smile fades away as bouncy music ends.
a slow song starts and couples form, I walk off all alone,
I watch them dance with longing eyes, forlorn and on my own.
Closing my eyes, I swallow hard, fighting lonely tears,
Behind my lids, conjured by pain, a shadowed form appears.
He makes a courtly bow, offers his arm with a shy glance,
I place my hand upon his arm, and we begin to dance.
He does not say a word to me; I cannot see his face,
But the only thing that matters is the warmth of his embrace.
There's something that feels right about the way he moves with me,
I smile with contentment; this is where I've longed to be.
I rest upon his shoulder, swaying gently to the song,
But like all things, moments like this can never last for long.
The music ends, the dancing stops and people leave the floor,
I'm once again alone; my shadow dancer is no more.
I stand on tiptoe, scan the crowd, but searching is in vain,
My loneliness comes back to me, that old familiar pain.
I feel like I shall never get all that for which I yearn,
but phantom lips then brush my cheek; a promise of return.
Author notes
Written August 21st, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- Prewrites---------And Quick!!! by Hebz.
425 points, ended June 16, 2007, 96 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Almost anything goes! by EmeraldDaze.
425 points, ended June 8, 2008, 74 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your Best Pre-Written Rhyme by piccola.
800 points, ended August 15, 2008, 90 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - What wins bronze around here? by AutumnGypsy.
550 points, ended August 27, 2008, 22 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Finish Strong by TabbyCat.
700 points, ended November 20, 2008, 58 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 1000 points, 1000 pws by Shadow Anonymised.
1000 points, ended November 23, 1080 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
-
Superb and I am no fan of rhyme but this touched my heart with it's flawless form, you created such an ambience with this and longed to see him pop into your reality. Welcome to the finalist list. Best to you
-
I walk off all alone,
I watch them dance with longing eyes, forlorn and on my own. ... this is such a beautiful but sad image. Nice job and thanks for entering -
Oh, this is sad, beautiful, inspiring. The pain of your words comes through the poem so well. I love how your writing flows and rhymes, and your imagery is bright and clear.
Thank you for sharing this, and for taking the time to enter my contest,
Luck. -
Wow I almost cried while reading this.
Absolute work of art, loved every minute of it
-GL in contest -
Beautiful
The more of you I read, the more of you I see. You are as enchanting in rhyme as you are in person.
-
Great Penning!!
I love this piece..All of it, the imagery, the rhyming , with the nice flow to it...
Thanks alot for entering my contest & Best of Luck
GloriousGift
Heba -
I absolutely loved this. So much feeling. I can relate. Sad in one way but hopeful in another.
-
I felt I needed to read more of your work, and I'm glad I did. The angst in this is clear for all to see. A great write, sad, but beautifully portrayed. Bravo, bravo...
-
I love the hope this has...
-
This is such a lovely read. Your rhythum sets me in motion and I too dance while while taking in the snapshots of your wonderful images. Really enjoyed this.
~Mary O -
I love this.This is a heartsong for all those lonely souls out there.You have wrapped a lonely scene in magic and made it your own, Ros
-
excellent
WOW, this was very well written and very beautiful.
For a moment there I thought I was watching Cinderella or romeo and juiliette or the phantom of the opera.
It really is beautiful.
Very well done.
Keep it up.
Elie -
This gave me goosebumps, it was sweet with a tinge of the maybe supernatural that makes you wonder. I like the yearning of the young woman, the whole atmosphere is lovely, real, yet unreal. You seemed to execute your rhyming effortlessly. Intriguing read.
-
Ah, thank you, a silly typo on my part. I shall fix it straightaway.
-
Great job, full of love and longing. Beautiful words put in here. Wonderfully expressed. I really loved it. ~~Britt~~
-
Beautiful piece. Full of detail and passion! The imagery was intense!
I will however make one suggestion!
The line:
"He make a courtly bow, offers his arm with a shy glance"
Shoud say he MAKES not MAKE.
Otherwise . . .this piece was absolutely enchanting . . . not to mention captivating!
Keep penning . . . keep sharing . . . and much luck to you in any and all future poetic ventures!
Maggie -
Wow this was great, although kind of long for my taste, you captured my attention in the beginning and held on to it 'til the end. Keep up the good work, this is an amazing piece of writing!!
Soon to be queen, but for now still the...
Nubian Princess -
Great writing. Very well done. You got the yearning and loneliness across very well. Good job. Thank you for sharing.
Jeannie D Hunter
-
Absolutely great
WHOA. Oh my GOD, I LOVED THIS. I can COMPLETELY relate, which is, I think, part of the reason it's so good. It's absolutely great and just FILLED with powerful emotions, sadness, hope, and pain, and just..wow. I really don't know what to say or how to describe it. Congratulations on this piece, you did a wonderful job, I certainly hope to see more in the future. I immensely enjoyed reading this, you have so much talent.
~Phantoms Mistress -
This poem was so deep.
so real, and vivid. I really understand where you are coming from. well at least i think so. I hope everything works out for ypou in the end. I know it is hard some time, but i can tell you from experience that it does get better.!!
good luck
~Rhea -
That was so deep!!
To me its I think its common at clubs or parties.
You rock with this poem!!
Rock on!! -
very intersting... the idea is normal .. kinda something everone uses, but you form is different. the flow was good and the timing works... good job
Adding your comment:
1 - 22 of 22
