Mirror
I loved you once, you took me in
With chubby cheeks you made me grin
I love you for you give me back
Without hiding in your sack
Once I found you in my teens
Made me pretty, all my means
Found you grow me all seasons
Nature filling moons and suns
For some time you missed me there
Then I found me missing here
Dancing I was with my dear
Lust and love ,hai! keep me cheer
You made me reflect without mask
All these questions may I ask
Without answer you showed me
Wife and mother I can be
With grey hair I thought wisdom come
Grey hair did not make wise some
Wisdom gained, I found me failed
Oh! Mirror, can you make me resolved
I thought you keep me all absorbed
Without letting time involved
But,I found in you me sold
Once decked with a speck of gold
Author notes
my poem reflects the passage of time.time is the most powerful thing in this world
Written August 20th, 2006
option 3
A contest entry
- Round 1 of 5 (My second 5-part contest) by Kei-Aira.
300 points, ended February 5, 2007, 52 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Imagery, Metaphor, Message and Any subject!!!!!! by Heavens Child.
525 points, ended April 9, 2007, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - &&; through the hour glass, she said "hello." by animated lies.
800 points, ended April 15, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - contest should be fun.. by bleed-it-out.
650 points, ended June 3, 2007, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - No work required for this contest. Prewrites only. by yoopea.
617 points, ended July 21, 2007, 74 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rhyming Poetry Contest by Heavens Child.
800 points, ended April 29, 2008, 39 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A quick one for the best! by Peachy.
1800 points, ended July 6, 2008, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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The rhyme was forced and it didn't flow as well as it could but the general idea of the poem was good.
Thanks for your entry! -
Seeing as I have previously commented on this piece, I will thank you for your entry.
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I think you have penned this work with a very beautiful pen, the rhyme and flow are a little choppy.....but you know what...I think it actually works and makes this poem interesting and very unique and does not in any way throw the reader....I understand totally what is being said here. Well done with this wonderful write. Don't ever let anyone tell you how to write it....it's your work so pen it from the heart and soul and present it the way you want it to be read. Thank you for sharing this truly lovely write with me.
Shaz xx
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using the mirror as a metaphore that was great..it was a beautiful poem great job and thank you and good luck!!
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I didn't think the rhyme scheme worked for this. If this was freeform then you'd have a better chance at portraying your message more clearly.
I didn't understand these lines:
"Made me pretty, all my means
Found you grow me all seasons"
You have a good poem to start with, if you work on it some I'm sure it'll turn out much better. Thanks for entering my contest. -
I like the metaphor of the mirror that you've used, I'm a young 26 so I do hope age brings some wisdom =]
Great work on this piece, and thank you for the entry in my contest. -
It's true, the passage of time does not in, and of itself
bring wisdom...Some aged persons are not wise, and yet we may find wisdom in someone young. I have a poem called Age
iscovered on here...it's meant to be funny. You may like it. http://allpoetry.com/poem/2603340
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This is a fairly decent poem, but the rhyme scheme ruins it for me. It seems so simple and forced and in parts the lines don't really make much sense as part of the stanza, and I feel that is because you have forced the rhyme and thus the line.
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I loved this piece. Being a mother myself I could totally relate to this. I loved how you used the mirror as metaphor. Truly an amazing gift. Keep up the amazing writing and Good luck in the contest and in life.
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Well first off i want to thank you for looking into my poem so i decided i would as well. I really liked this poem. I'm on the opposite end i suppose because i was the one with the chubby cheeks but i understand what you are saying. I really liked the rhyme scheme and the wording too
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thank u very much for appreciating my poem.it needs a great mind to comment like this.
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this is a beautiful poem. its just seems to have flown from pen to paper...or from keys to computer. great poem. i agree. time is the most powerful thing in this world. great poem and keep writing
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