Old Man Winter has made his way to my town
wearing his robe made of snow and an icicle crown.
He opens his mouth and with a mighty roar,
spews blustery winds raging door to door.
Hands raised like a scepter to unleash his wrath,
a wintry mix blankets all in it's path.
From the snow covered hills to streets that are gleaming,
bare trees illuminate with icicles streaming.
Frozen crystal-like rain encasing my town,
old Winter has dressed us in a radiant gown.
Trimming the windows in a frosty lace,
for the finishing touches on this winter place.
As I step out and view this breathtaking beauty,
I realized old Winter had accomplished his duty.
A winter wonderland so quiet and serene,
sparkles and glistens, the perfect winter scene
Author notes
Hi I am Talking Toni and this was written August 19th, 2006, I love Winter and this came to me in a few moments..usually it takes hours for me to construct a poem but this came with much ease.
A contest entry
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300 points, ended August 26, 2006, 22 entries
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• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 38 of 38
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this is very well written. thanks for joining my contest
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Just Beautiful
Wow Toni the rhyme is absolutely perfect. This poem is just wonderful with all the imagery and increadible flow. Yes the beauty of nature is just amazing isn't it. I can't believe I missed this poem. I so enjoyed this and your author notes. I've never really lived in the snow. The background is beautiful. Old Man Winter is the perfect title for your poem here. So many beautiful poetic devices used in this poem. This is a golden winner if you ask me!!! Thank you for sharing your increadible God given gift to write poetry with me.
Much Love
Kelle Marie
stavykm
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I love the imagery here and just the poem's general beauty. please add your Author's Name in your Author's Notes. Welcome to the finalists list.
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The rhyme in this piece flowed very well. The use of imagery was classy and effective. All in all, just a very nice poem.
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I love this and the overall affect is stunning. The
imagery and word choice is effective.
I wonder if the verb tense and pronoun usage might be used more consistently. It feels as if it slips from present to past, and from plural to singular. e.g Line 10 has "dressed us" and in line 14 had "accomplished his duty".It could have easily been "has accomplished his duty."
Also line 10 referring to "us" follows line 9 referring to "my" town. Is the plural pronoun us inconsistent with my town. Granted "it" refers to the town as opposed to the people but I get the sense you are not equating the people with the town deliberately.
While the theme is winter you might have achieved the same effect in the last stanza and used the word winter less. One possibility might have been.
As I step out and view this breathtaking beauty,
I realize old winter has accomplished his duty
A perfect wonderland so quiet and serene
sparkles and glistens in a crystalline scene.
As I said it is a beautiful poem and the slight inconstancies, which may or mot be there, are not a significant distraction to its beauty.
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This is really good.
It made me feel like I was a kid again, but it was also very eloquent. I really enjoyed the detail you put into it, readers usually like to be able to feel and touch whatever it is the writer is wring about. Very well written!
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Hi Toni
I can see you do like winter - You have written a bood one here - short for Talking Toni - but to the point - the rhyme is great and the flow is nice too - you have painted a reality picture of Old Man Winter here' I think our winter is over now - I noticed the rhubarb popping up. Bless God - Joe
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i love this poem of your it was so nice to read i really enjoyed it very much.i love peom about nature. i think you wrote this one very well. at least to me anyway. i sure hope that you we have a great night
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Excellent..
Your poem was written in exquisite form.
The imagery was perfect and remind me of
many a wonderful blistering winter season's
in New York. I loved the snow as a kid and
have explored every posible enjoyment a child
could have in the snow. I shutter from the thought
of snow and frigid winters now since i'm a middle
aged man. I now leave it up to all the young at
heart to conquer Old Man Winter.
Fascinating write
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Beautifully done and smooth. I like the poem and the imagery therein. The only issue I have is that the background, though lovely really takes away from the piece, distracts from it.
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Loved this background you have for this wonderful winter poem. Easy to see that you enjoy this season very much. Liked the rhythm, rhyme and flow in the lines and the vivid visual images the words bring to mind.
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Love this
I love the winter & yoy have painted a perfect picture with this splendid poem. One of your best I do believe
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outstanding Toni. it sings. line caressing line as i pass by. wonderful.
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the other
I must read your other winter poem… -
I have never been in a chat room so it is taking me a while to figure this out
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in the wee hours
This is really good! How do I know it’s good? Sure brought a smile to this face, in spite of what is going on outside right now. But I’m so far south here it’s only raining at 7:30. But let us wait till morn, and see what he has done in the wee hours.
This is a good rhyme I like it very much. Well done!
Ronald M. Davenport, Sr. (hence; SirPort)
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beautiful
You painted a picture of absolute beauty...I love winter, and the beauty it gives...its like watching a canvas of white that is waiting to be drawn on...Living in New England, I have seen many storms and blizzards...that brings out the little boy in me here...beautifully written...smile and hugs...David
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Wonderful writing
Beautiful piece of writing. Love the imagery, so very very strong in this piece. Made me feel cold, just by reading it. Wonderful visual piece.
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nice personification-
i liked the vivid image created by Old Man Winter's clothing
it was a good timing to read a poem at snow- its raining where i am, but back home--- apparently the start of a blizzard!
~Clar -
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Thanks!!!!!!!
Thanks so much for the nice coment. I love winter but mostly snow and ice storms.I know they are a pain to try to drive in but After an ice stormespecially is the most beautiful sheer beauty of all seasons to me.And the snow storms are equally as beautiful at least to me.........
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Hi I actually wrote this last winter but just got around to putting in on the site. Byt thanks for the nice comments
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good
A pleasure to read this although I am not ready for the cold yet, its coming in at such a fast pace, I just have to grin and bear it! A cute piece of poetic creativity! Thanks for sharing this with all of us! Amazing you wrote this in August! I could not even think of winter then
. Enjoyed your work so, will check in more soon ~Tia
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Hi Toni this is enchanting, I must say winter is not my favorite time, I love seeing snow on postcards but not living with it,lol, loved it, you have my applaue, hugs Di
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Thanks Myron I do welcome constructive critiques. Give me any suggestions you have. I know I probably use incorrect puncuations! Thanks!.................Toni
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Hi I'd love to hear your input on improving this poem, I was however approached and sent a letter by the league of american poets wanting to publish it. So any help would be appreciated Thanks for readijng....................Toin
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thanks for letting me read this poem.
is there a typo in the second stanza? i don;t think an apostriophe belongs in that 'its'.
Hands raised like a scepter to unleash his wrath,
a wintry mix blankets all in it's path.
From the snow covered hills to streets that are gleaming,
bare trees illuminate with icicles streaming.
i like the way you tried to make the imagery work in this poem. is it an early draft? perhaps you could get rid of some of the cliched phrases and thinking, if you ever consider revising this and making a good poem even better.
but perhaps i'm asking for too much. i like a crafted poem which uses new & original and personal images that show the writer as well as the scene. (but then again, that's a harder thing to try to achieve.).
all the very best. i hope nyou don;t mind my comments. i like to nit pick at people who show a talent for words and who i think could improve their poetry with revision and more work.
but -m oh dear i've just noticed that you didn't ask for a critical response, so i've probably said the wrong thing here. sorry.
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Great Writing
Great imagery, I enjoyed reading this as I look forward to seeing winter again. Yes, I love the cold -
nice job
Wow what a piece! I can feel the snow your describing! Brrrr -
a wintry mix blankets all in it's path. - its path as you are not saying it is
ohh i might have to get a new jumper for when winter pops in - a good piece, just that one edit i noticed. spill ink and twist me into the crazy shape of love...
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i had to click on this as i've written a poem with exactly the same title, yours is better than mine tho'.i think this is really good talkingtony, your rhyme and rhythm are spot on, a very enjoyable read,
well done, you have my applause,
regards,
floorboards. -
Very good, wintry image provoking poem. Just a couple of things may improve it. I don't think you nead the "wearing" in the second line and in the last but one verse, you could drop the "for" in the last line to make the flow better. Over all I think it's nice and I can feel the cold, winter atmosphere, when reading it!
Ann -
I've lived here in Australia for so many years now, I've forgotten how COLD and SNOWY the northern hemisphere winters can get! So glad to have left them behind.
Now then...Just let me be picky for a minute!
Second stanza, second line: Should be "its" (possessive pronoun)not "it's" (ie: it is).
Lovely rhyming couplets throughout your poem, but the rhythm tends to suffer a little.
However. I still really enjoyed what you have put together in this piece. It has a serenity that only winter landscapes can offer, and it is true to its theme. Well done! Keep that pen moving.
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This has its flaws but overall it's not bad. There were a couple things that did bother me, and I was hoping I could get in touch with you to talk about them. It's not like the poem is atrocious or anything, but here and there there are a few things I would like to tighten up for you if you're interested, okay? - oce
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what a wonderful, bumpless rhyme you've accomplished for this poem...i am impressed
i am a winter lover and your words have created a perfect winter scene i can't wait to see for real
a part of New York State (near Buffalo) just had a few feet of snow and set a record. snow is expected here today too...i'm only a couple hundred mile away in Central New York.
i have to get my boots out
good writing
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very, very breathyaking!
Old Man Winter is a good poem about nature and it shows that this season sometimes though unliked, it can be useful to preserve our food.
This is a good poem written in couplets. -
Excellant and fun
Very nicely done. Only problem some of the words are illegible where they appear against a dark background, like the carriage. -
Great Job will take care of the background. Keep on writing and I will keep on reading SIS. Love, Melody
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Layout / Look: 20/25
I like the background, but when you're reading it, the snow that's dropping sometimes makes it a little hard to read the words, as well as just giving a headache for having to read words that aren't moving when the background is. My suggestion would be is try to find a different font color that maybe won't blend with the snow too much, and maybe the whole fact that the background is animated won't bother people.
Flow: 25/25
You're flow was beautiful.
Spelling / Grammar: 25/25
Great job.
Word Usage: 25/25
Great job.
Other: 22/25
That picture is cute, but a winter scene with snow on the ground, and all of it's beauty would fit better seeing as that's what Old Man Winter was trying to do, and did accomplish.
Your total score is 117/125. Congrats and good luck!
Dio Benedice,
♥ Beth
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