I hate you!
(Then I was young)
Why can’t you just leave me alone?
(I didn’t understand)
I cry and you can’t even see it
(You were trapped in a mind world)
You’ve changed
(Twisting and warping those around you)
Sudden ups and downs
(Never knowing true reality)
Screaming is how you communicate
(But now we cling to each others hurt)
Controlling my life
(We don’t know how to live)
You hurt everyone around you
(I will never know who you really were)
We have all changed because of you
(All of us carry such a heavy scar)
What makes us still keep you?
(You are my life burden)
anger dominates my life
pain and tears chain me down
a deep dark hole forms inside me to absorb the soul wrenching pain
soon emotions fall endlessly
like a drop of water that will never land in the darkness
it is a way to survive
did you ever love me?
can you even see me?
your illness spread and infected each of us with a different kind of scarring ache
now we hurt one another
why can’t we see the end of this?
couldn’t you have beaten me?
even your neglect would have been better then this lonely void
We must take care of our sick, for who are we to believe our pain is worse?
Who is to say that deep within, past the madness, they don't truly love you too? Is that hope?
Author notes
the phrases in ()s are present thoughts preceeding past thoughts-then the rest are present thoughts
my mother has a mental illness that worsened over the years (hormones with having two children didn't help) and my father stayed with her and let her continue living with the family because he couldn't abandon a sick woman he had once loved so much. but living with us, her madness hurt the three of us (my brother, myself, and especially my father). being young my brother and i thought she was doing it on purpose, later we learned of her true problems. now my father lashs out at others because he is so miserable, my brother is struggling to survive mentally, and i am trying my hardest to find a normal life without leaving behind my family.
my parents hurt me so much, but i can't let go of them. they don't beat me, but i wish they would if it would stop the psycological abuse and torment.
the last two questions are what keep me from living my own life.
Written August 18th, 2006
A contest entry
- A family's Decite (Parents Turned Sour, for those who have had bad or neglectful parents) by Bruised.Roses.
300 points, ended August 25, 2006, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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whoa.
I love that.
I would go into detail
but I dont have time
and your going on my favorites.
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You know what? Families are a fucking joke. Sacred intstitution my ass. They warp your mind so much that when you get out into the real world, you have no idea -what- the fuck is going on...until you realize that no one else really does either, and then you feel a little better.
Um. Sorry about the rant. The poem, then. Vacillating between your own hurt and trying to understand someone else's is something I suspect everyone has experienced, in one way or another. Not everyone is as honest about it as you are, which makes this a raw, emotional read.
It ends as if your hand is hovering over a ringing phone while you decide whether or not to pick it up. Let me know how it goes, either way.
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Emotional
Wow very nice, I can see that you've seen a very huge pain but still in the end I believe that somehow in a way it just wasn't anyone's fault. The first stanza yes that is to be expected the next part was really the part I liked, you in a way had found hope to keep moving on in life without leaving your family behind. This is deep, very. This was a nice read, and from me I hope everything will be okay, just keep going on, even if it's hard meep. Good luck ^^ -
WOW! This poem moved me to tears. I understand in a sense how you feel. I did not grow up with a mental illness dominating either of my parents life, but I have parents who were and one that still is a drug addict. I do know what it is like to be around a parent or both who are not themselves because the drugs dominated them. There drug addiction an illness in its self, and for the longest time i believed they acted that way towards me when i was younger on purpose, as you did. So im empathize with you in that sense, and im sorry for all the pain you have suffered. For if one suffers i believe the world as a whole suffers. Thank you for sharing this amazing piece, and my love reaches out to you. I hope that your writing is an outlet to help you heal your soul.
Peace and Love Always,
Sar -
Very Creative
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wow, I am so sorry, this is so sad, not like any other entree, I loved this piece and could feel the emotion, great write and thank you for entering,....
I especially liked this part....:
anger dominates my life
pain and tears chain me down
a deep dark hole forms inside me to absorb the soul wrenching pain
soon emotions fall endlessly
like a drop of water that will never land in the darkness
it is a way to survive
did you ever love me?
can you even see me?
I can relate to these words....amazing job
and thax angain and good luck
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Though compassion comes understanding. I have always said that one can not see past the level they are currently on, this is why we often act the way we do, but with time our veiws broaden and we understand for other perspectives besides our own. We rarely take advice from others, because we assume they don't understand, but with growth comes experience and with experience hindsight, which leads us to seeing they were really trying to help and not hurt us in the end.
No matter what our troubles, there are those who are still worse off then us. There is an old saying that goes, " I complained because I had no shoes, until I met someone who had no feet.
Life will always have problems, no it is part of the duality of life, but with time we improve our coping skills and get by, day by day by day.
Hugs...Eddy -
thank you. hug needed and accepted.
*loves* -
My 35-year-old schizophrenic daughter lives with me and I wish I could carry her burden of insanity and let her go free. You have carried a burden all these years and never wanted it. It was thrust upon you as a child. I am glad my daughter has no desire to marry or have children. It grieves me to see her so..paranoid and with a mood disorder, too. Every day is a new challenge at our house but she is a good girl and very beautiful. I wish I could hug you, dear poet. I do understand.
You write a compelling and fine poem. 
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I wrote a poem as an 8 year old girl describing in detail how my mother was killing me and that I wished she would die. I described different ways, anyway... just to get her out of my life. I thought it was just something every child goes through. It's ten years later and I'm still waiting for that poem to not make sense.
Amanda -
Dead On Perfect
Wow, I feel like we are sisters. You have almost discribed a day in the life of my family. Just add physical abuse and unlawful child labor and you got it. The scaring you talked about takes a long time to heal. I am still healing. I am sad that realtionships with my siblings has been so damaged, but we cling to one another in times of need. I know how to talk about pain. It is my best subject. But I have never been able to say what you did in this poem. It was so clear that I'm sure anyone could walk a mile in the shoes you gave them. As to the hope. It is the only thing that has kept me alive. As long as thee is someone to embrace and love you can make it. Love them the best you can, and accept the love that they have for you as it is even if it is not as you wanted. This is not easy. I struggle with it every day. I wish you hope, ai wish you love, and most of all I wish you a small place of peace where you can go for a little peace of mind.
Much Much Love
Nedina -
Wow i feel really bad for you but i'm sure other people's pity isn't why your here... This poem is very well written and moved me almost to the point of tears... keep writing, sometimes it's all we can do to relieve the pain.
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Infections fester and wound. I still am working on healing my own-good job at portraying this. Some people will infect others even after they are dead and gone. Keep your head up. Robinrae.
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wow, intensely personal obviously, but very well written. great flow to this. there's a lot of power behind each of the words that you use here. good phrasing as well, its like you really shared with me at least a part of what you're going through. thanks for writing such a great piece, keep up the great work and may peace go with you
~shadowlyn -
I too have an infected family.. but in a different way.. not by illness but by anger and hatred and selfishness.. I have found a normal life.. compared to what I had.. but it took me leaving behind my parents after their recent divorce announcement.. I have been out of the house and lving with my sis for awhile.. sometimes you need time away from the ones you love to take care of yourself... it was a great write.. reminding me of what I had.. and even though its a bit crazy... I miss back when I was little and the whole family was still together... those were the days! Once again.. wonderful job keep up the great work
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