I cannot taste
a nectarine
without the sweet juice
filling me with moments gone,
with melancholy
dripped down my chin.
We were too young then
to know that time would run away.
We shared -
I held the tender flesh
to your opened mouth,
each bite deep into
cool soft fruit
was a second from the clock.
I would have set it aside
and pressed myself to you,
had I only known -
all that I would have
to remember
those ripe days with you
would be the stain
left upon my shirt
as the nectarine
wept,
bittersweet.
Author notes
Written August 17th, 2006
A contest entry
- Forbidden Fruit ~Contest~ by crisstiena.
300 points, ended August 19, 2006, 6 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Bittersweet memories are the hardest to forget. Nicely writ Sir Bard!!!
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You have done an oustanding job with this poem. I loved the way you tied the memory of a lost love to that of a piece of fruit. This was worthy a trophy in the contest. For me, there were only two places that were a little weak. The first was in S1L6: "dripped" wasn't right here. You were talking in the present tense and used a past tense verb. You could switch "with" in S1L5 for "as" and that would work. The second spot was S4L10. I understood the sorrow of this piece and figured that is why you went with "wept", but a nectarine weeping just seemed a stretch. I would have went with "bled", myself, but that is just me. Still, congrats on your win! It was well done...
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such a lovely sweet as nectarine nectar poem.
touching and sad, tender and accurate.
I enjoyed this reading. brought me into the present
yet with that ache for the past. good one. -
congratulations on a well deserved first place This says more in what it does not say.........it is like the stain left behind without any actions ever taken. Anyway.....great job
reenie
Edited on Aug 20, 6:07 because ''. -
love it scott........this poem reads like my coffee for two poem....which makes me love it.....a spill leaving a stain un wiped up......remembering you.......anyway......congratulations on your gold....
.....
Malabu -
Wow!
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Oh yeeeeeah... and congratulations on your win! Kimberly G.
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Lovely... just lovely! Kimberly G.
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"We were too young then
to know that time would run away.
We shared -"
Beautifully done, Scott...Such sweet melancholy, such sweet memories of Love gone by...I'm quite sure she cannot partake of the heavenly nectarine without feeling the same remorseful & lingering Joy, my Friend...Congratulations, Scribe...
Wanda
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exquisite
all the forbidden fruit I ever
dreamt of - or was taught to
resist and fear - ripens and
blossoms under the palms of my
hands as they uncover and explore
you - and in the most secret
corners of my heart as it discovers
and adores you..
Absolutely *@&$~&^ amazing.
Thank you for entering my contest.
~ crisstiena
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Even though this is sad...
I still enjoyed it. I hope you are doing well!! Even better than well, actually.
All my love and cheery hello's...
K
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I really enjoyed reading
great job -
Well you never fail to amaze me , Just when I think you have written the very best you surprise me with something new. Anyway very good write. I enjoyed it. Thank you for sharing.
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I loved the way this was written. Good luck in the contest.
Great piece.
Soulful Woman
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