A sinuous sea of voluptuous hair, mane, tail,
feathered black as a lightless night.
With gentle grace,
their stride moves with ease.
A dark shadowy build of refinement,
ethereal magnificence, movement divine.
Noble of heart and mind,
will you whim to their desires?
The aesthetic curve of the ear,
absorbs soothing whispers,
compliance within performance.
A birth of mythical majesty,
as mirrored by it’s maker.
Prerequisites fulfilled by precision and devotion.
Be fair of touch,
sensitivity is profound within their spirits.
Ever so keenly,
watching through soft eyes.
Ruler of all that gaze upon,
alert to the bode of what draws near.
Shown compassion, they will concede reliance.
A saunter full of pride,
to perceive their gallop
is to be filled with winged delight.
The beauty in the trot, is as if they cavort,
in a performance from their heart.
The creature’s will is as philanthropic like a kind god,
ever so willing to satisfy the caretaker.
Come show your face,
be unpretentious,
and marvel in the display of this horse; the Friesian.
Author notes
This poem is about one bred of horse. The Friesian. I really need feed back on this bad! This is probley the most importaint poem to me right now. It will only be posted for a short while... long enough to get feed back. Sorry if anyone really likes it but that is just how this one has to be. It means too much to me.
Written August 17th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 57 of 57
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oh wow! what else can i say! this is the most vivid and descriptive poem i have ever read! i think friesians are beautiful.(just had to add that! hah) i just cant really describe how a feel about this piece. it kinda left me in ah. well the feed back you are getting from me probably isnt the greatest help but i dont no what to say. the bigger words you used in the poem fit perfectly. sorry i couldnt help much! EXCEPTIONAL PIECE! keep up the fabulous writing!
~horsecowgirl~
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thats awesome
so perfectly described and wonderfully portrayed i fealt as though i was there. bravo! -
Magnificent
If Barbaro hadn't died, this poem would do little to affect me. Your lyrics are extremely descriptive and show limitless love to this creature. I sensed your thoughts were too personal for words. That's how I feel about this poem. To go so deep and be so profound in your devotion to this horse, speaks volumes. This is the best of your best. I can't see you writing anything with more love. Terrific job!
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It is wonderful. ^_^ -
it really pictures the friesan as a breed apart from each of the others, Great write! i liked it a lot!!! The visual pictured the breed right away, almost as if you were looking at one and describing the charactoristics. I liked the use of the vocabulary, you don't really see that anymore.
~Good write, I liked it a lot ~ -
Great !!!!
Hey, Sorry it took me so long to comment. I haven't been online in a really long time. Anyways, I love your piece. It is really beautiful, and a wonderful piece. -
i HAVE NEVER READ A MORE BEAUTIFUL POEM WRITTEN FOR HORSES EVER KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK
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Great write. I think it is a master piece. Great use of words and you were very expressive. Truly a masterpiece.Your use of words perfect. I liked it. I am part of Survive n surrender. I hope you will comment on mine in time. But this piece was amazing.Good job.You need to make a book. Great job.
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i like the fact that it goes for a long time because thats a good poem in my eyes and a good writter its tell me you have so much to say i love this poem nice work
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well done horse man great description and deftness.like this piece but sadly it goes in a while.
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This is a beautiful poem. I loved reading about the horses. They are wonderful aren't they? Great poem. I loved the imagery.
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hmmm... very very discriptive, very good imagery...
you have an incredible vocabulary
good job -
Good write althopugh a few grammatical and spelling errors every now and then, i.e 'with in' should be 'within'. Exceptionally descriptive but not overdone or pretentious.Well done-don't remove.
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Love it hun. Keep up the killer work~
~ImmortalUndead~ -
This ia wonderful piece of writing but I do feel it reads more like a piece of prose than poetry. Maybe you could shorten some of the lines by splitting them down to two lines instead of one long one. It might help the flow a bit.
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Well Neirad, I put this in the catagory of love as well as nature, simply because I love horses, I own this breed of horse, I love my horses, I love nature, and everything about this poem is Love. I do think you should try to ride a horse... it is one of the most wonderful experiences in life. To have this macnificent creature move to your will, and then to have them be gentle and love you because you love them is one of greatest feelings on earth. I wish you luck in your journey, if you choose to take one, on riding and becomeing familar with this animal.
~pixie~ -
Thanks ScarletStorm... Your words do help me much. I did mean through in the poem, it's just when your typing so fast and trying to get it done and have everthing perfect... well, it's doesnt' always come out perfect. Thanks and I will ponder on what you have said about the poem. I will be writing a 3ed draft of it and hopefully that will be the perfection I desire. I will be notifying everyone that made a comment on this about the 3ed draft when it is posted for the final evaluation from all the great people on here at ap. Thanks again.
~pixie~ -
Yes I would like it if you could point out my grammer errors. It would mean alot to me! Thanks for taken the time to do so. And thanks for the awsome comment.
~pixie~ -
Amazing!!
Amazing piece! like pro skills here I really loved all the details you put in this and how you word it all. I haven't read anything like this and I'm not talking about a poem about a horse I'm talking about the passion and details and the poem it's self. Fantastic job! Can't wait for your next poem 
Bitter§weetest -
i had a rabbit once,it ran away but it began breeding in the fields behind my house.every now and then i would search and all i would find was strands of hair in the bush.but i was happy cus i knew it was free now and living a good happy life.true story.brilliant poem,the way you form and flow the words is supurb.
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I am a total animal lover and your write is fantastic. You write very proud. Beautifully penned.
God's touch
Jeri -
I love horses you much!!! I can see the horse you describe, it's so pretty. Personally I like Arabians better than Friesians, but it's pretty close
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Well, as a horse lover I can only say well done.This captures the equinine essence to a T. Just one comment, on line ten you have a misspelt word, it should be "through" Val.
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A good deal of description has gone into this which of course helps to convey the details of what makes this beast so magical for you. however, you asked for criticism, so maybe if theres one suggestion to make it would be to change the line
'Ever so keenly, watching threw soft eyes'
For reasons that a). did you mean 'through' and
. it somehow feels a lttle pedestrian compared to your talented use of wording elsewhere. As no great writer myself, i struggle to suggest an alternative, maybe
'Intensity of gaze unexpected from such soft eyes' ??
i dunno! just trying to be helpful!!!
lovely write.
scarlet
xxx
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Wow! You have great sense of imagery and imagination used in this poem. Excellent way of words you have in this poem and i cant wait to read more from you
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wow.... that was really cool. i could picture it and just feel it. i loved it. and i love how passionate you are about it.
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Your words almost shape the horse in the flow and manner that they're written. Beautiful job. I love the descriptive diction you use to portray the Friesian, you give it such majesty and grace. Great write!
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u seem extremely passionate in this peice I like the detailing and the wording all around a great poem and keep up the good work./Lata Tara aka Tj
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Even though you changed it...it's still beautiful. Which I suspect was invetitable given the writer. Let's see I know this is about a horse, the Friesian, but I'm curious...why put it under the category of Love in addition to nature. Is it for your love of this particular breed of horse? Or could it be for some other reason. In your description of how jubilant ridding a horse...a Friesian horse, could be I actually wanted to go ride one. Which is odd, because I've always thought it would be a particularly painful experience. So you've changed my mind about something...which is also very odd. It's just that I can see that they give you unmitigated joy, and that's very attractive. I, as well as many other I suppose, like to be well happy. And you've portrayed being around or riding Friesian horses as a joyous occasion. It's things like this that make me wish I was no longer a bestial nihilist. Well done.
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beautiful..at first though, i was like wtf is she talking about....kinda abstract to begin.. but then its just like BAM...lol..no, but for real, it was good, i like poems that make the reader think wtf's goin on here.. and damn, lotsa big words.. well keep writing, k?
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Man, this poem is beautiful! Perfect in every way.
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Hi! I like horses too! But I don't know if I've ever seen a Fresian From your words, and even before reading your author's notes, I immediately knew that you really feel so much for this particular breed
Umm, not sure if you'd agree with me (this is my personal opinion ) but I think the lines are a bit too long? I read somewhere that average people don't really keep reading (or they rather, they have a hard time reading) things that more than 2 alphabets long example
abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyzabcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz)
I think it has something to do with the fact that they feel as if they're reading a lot?
But anyway, that's just a comment on the actual formatting your poem is great goodluck with this, whatever it is that you'd be doing this for %%-
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You could be describing my arabian stallion. To watch him fly across the desert is joy in motion. There are several grammatical errors. I need to study the poem more carefully, but some have stood out. I will get back to you with them, if you want me to do so.
Edited on Aug 18, 9:34 because ''. -
THis is good. I really enjoyed it.
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I love your passion!
I'm not really big on nature poems, but this was very well written.
good job here, and keep up the awesome work
xx-Crash
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Wow this is amazing and beautiful!You took such difficult words(to me anyhow)and formed them exactly how you wanted and created a horse!You really described her well!Horses are a beautiful creatures!Thank you for shareing this wonderful write with us!
Ciao and God bless,
~*Azume -
Very nice poem!
I really loved how passionate you are about this breed of horse and also how passionate you are about this poem you wrote. I marvel at the sheer beauty you placed full heartedly into this poem. A very well written poem and I loved how you did this all round. very beautifully inked and very well weritten Sincerely, Paul
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This was beauitful
Beautiful words and language, But before I read the authour comment I thught it was a fresian cow. I really should learn how to spell -
i love it when language is used extensively make sure you don't lose the meaning in the quest for ever increasing your word power. there is a time to pull in the reins.. beautiful piece even if some of the words are not quite used literally xx
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I love horses too and reading this made me smile fondly as I reflected on your words with my own memories and experiences with horses. Keep up the good work.
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Indeed you di this awesome horse the honor it deserved. It is one of our most famous horses here in Holland. Their grace is even more special when the pulled a cart. A line up of four of those walking with the grace of this horse. Here there are people that use them as riding horse but they are not really breed For me this poem was therefor very special Thank you for sharing this with us Greetings from Holland Herman
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I love it in it's wordy glory. I respect simplistic beauty but really I love it when its laid on thick with layers and layers. This poem satisfies that, absolutely
to perceive their gallop is to find be filled with winged delight.
This line is the only thing I have a problem with in the poem. To find be filled with? Other than that it was a fantastic ride of a poem.
♥ Creatress ♥
Edited on Aug 18, 3:18 because ''. -
Well, you are right. They are a spectacular breed of horse. I use to own one, many years ago... beautiful animals.
Meli -
Awh man this is awesome. Impressive images! Written with so much emotion. Awesome awesome piece Well done
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wow... I must say this was really beautiful. There were so many big words, as we say, that I didn't know the meaning of half of them. lol but that's kind of a good thing because at least now I can give myself a chance to update my vocabulary. The words, though, did sound like they fit the way you were describing throughout this ENTIRE piece. Truly, it felt like I was reading out of an already published book of poetry. This was amazing. I'd like to point out only one thing though that you might want to fix, to make it perfect.
threw = through.
that's it. ^_^ Awesome work here, Dark D!
Continue to write, with your heart.
Hokuikai
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ah,you make me jealous of this horse!I understand the beauty and passion that people feel for their horses,i love mine to death.This poem conveyed that perfectly!your language and vocabulary worked perfectly with this poem.
great write! -
full of passion
you have my respect for showing such passion in this piece. who's to say it's too complicated or simple? if you consider your writings as art, then the value of perception and imagery it gives is in you and in the people you move with it. -
OK, well I do have to say that I can not make this in to a simpler poem. But, I had been wondering if I should make stanzas out of the lines and such... Thanks Janet, I will work now on the third draft of this and see what I come up with. I would make it simpler, but if I did so, I am afraid it might become to cliche. That is the last thing I want. Thank you for your helpful comment! I really needed it!
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Darling
I liked the write
not seeing your sight
for its still unclear
why Fresians are dear.
Perhaps less words said
and stanzas tightly read
would show their majesty
in a simpler tapesty.
Smoosh
Janet -
This is a beautiful tribute to your love for this breed of horse. I have always loved the Friesian breed, and the way that you wrote this poem only amplified my undying respect for them. They are beautiful creatures and they are truely magnificent. Aamazing write. Thank you for sharing this with us. Excellent work.
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A beautiful display of your love for this breed.
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Well! This is an interesting little poem that you have going on in here! I like it! I clicked on it because you seemed to really want opinions and I was in the mood. So as I was reading this, I could tell that it was about horses even if you hadn't said so. I don't know what a Friesian is but it must be a really great breed if you hold them so close to your heart. And as I read this, I felt that deep love and respect for them as fellow creatures on earth. They sounded very magestic and proud and gentle. I really liked the way that you made them sound. So I think that you have done a good job of expressing yourself here. So thanks for featuring this so that we all had the chance to share your words and feelings with you!
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I think this is a very beautiful piece. It almost should be framed and displayed somewhere special. Great pice I thoroughly enjoyed reading it thank you for sharing this with me.
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Loved It!!
I can definitely feel the love You have for this Magnificent creature!!
What a Masterpiece You have penned
No picture is needed for the words You have spoken...already give the images!!
I've only been on the back of a horse a few times..
and now I suddenly get the urge to ride again
The horse...for those out there reading this
Geeeeeeeesh!!
Thank You for sharing this!!
Wish You the best in what You set out to do!
Many blessings too
Thank You for the visit~~~
and much love~ Desire~*~
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You have made the picture of a allready powerful animal to a gorgious beast to be loved and admired. Great job, I love it.
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I don't think I will ever be able to see a horse now without thinking of this poem. You captured the animal in a perfect majesty. Grreat poem!
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This is beautiful. And no doubt there will be someone who says, Yes it is beautiful but you should put it in this form and change this and put that comma there ect. but I say screw them, because this is gorgeous as it is, and you shouldnt change it. Well done.
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