memories of a careful mind
fragile in the subconscious
subtle warnings all around
deep concentration of a focus
tighten my grip to nothingness
sharing life with a bouncing echo
holding on to an alternate existence
a familiarity i long to call home
my foolish heart has rendered useless
every dawn a lethargic hue
an empty shell of timeless space
my loneliness a pathetic muse
dark clouds above fondly gather
wetness slowly dissolving the imprint
inevitably everything disappears
nothing allowed to be kept within
the moon in a sky of darkened blue
quiet reflections of another rhyme
all that's left of me and you
are these fading pictures in my mind
Author notes
Written August 16th, 2006
A contest entry
- Titles!! by Ah.Sosha..
300 points, ended September 3, 2006, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Level One: Difficulty: Painless by IndividualEleven.
600 points, ended January 29, 2007, 182 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Forgotten by Veeolin.
650 points, ended October 19, 2007, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
-
It has a nice flow to it. I don't fully understand it, but I can see the jist of lonlieness very clearly. Plenty vocabulary.
-
well done
nice flow and timing, with a nice gentle telling of your thoughts. I have been in this place before and I know it may not seem so, but all will heal in time and memories will be kept, faded or no. -
wow
very impressive, great flow and use of rhymes, fav part was
dark clouds above fondly gather
wetness slowly dissolving the imprint
inevitably everything disappears
nothing allowed to be kept within
the moon in a sky of darkened blue
quiet reflections of another rhyme
Thanks for entering and great job. - Jacen an IndividualEleven.
-
thanks for the comment.
-
thank you. i'm glad readers can feel what i feel.
-
thanks for commenting!
-
thank you. i'm glad it delivered just the way i wanted it to.
-
thank you. i'm really glad you liked it.
-
thanks for assuring i've achieved the flow with this one. appreciate it.
-
thank you for commenting.
-
Great
Very nice. I really enjoyed the rythm of this poem. -
This is a very good piece. It's as if in your words I can somehow feel the picture fading away all through until the end, but the poem is still very strong. You've done very well with this, thanks for sharing it, I enjoyed it.
Take care and God bless,
Sarah Beth -
heartfelt!!!
-
good
Enjoyed reading this peice. It carries you through to the end with a sad tone.... as written, it delivers. Thanks for sharing this piece, good work, keep writing. -
This is a very well written piece with beautiful words that depict thought and imagery exquisitely. I enjoyed and will continue to look for more of your writings.
Love,
Lane -
this was really good i love poems that flow and roll off the tongue easily very good job detailing this one too!!!
-
tighten my grip to nothingness
sharing life with a bouncing echo
holding on to an alternate existence
a familiarity i long to call home
this was a very good poem. this flowed well and was
touching. good job with this one. -
Wow, I've never seen so much of my own style in someone else's writing. Thought it'd easy to criticize as hard as I am on myself, but on the contrary, I have nothing but admiration for this work. . . look forward to reading more.
Adding your comment:
1 - 18 of 18
3 old applause
