I do not apologize for the mistakes that I have made
Or the triumphs that I have achieved;
Despite you.
The greatness behind my voice of indifference
Is audible only
Because I have allowed myself the courage to speak.
He was young and she was even younger.
Love a candy cane dipped in hope;
Wrapped tightly in ever after.
Wild, stupid anticipation that only young hearts know of to speak.
I do not apologize for breaking moulds
Or for my lack of ability to cry,
Broken at your feet.
I move only with the quiet determination planted in my belly
Not long after I was given the ability to speak.
I will not crumble nor will I abandon
That which has allowed me the grace to grow so fluidly.
I am not ashamed of my choices
Or of my children.
I do not apologize,
For having your baby at seventeen.
Author notes
Written August 16th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
-
Thank you very much Lyndon
-
The change from first person to third through me a bit. This aside, the poem is rather beautiful. It is true that young love can be more passionate than physical love with one's spouse, much later ~ or so I am told.
I enjoyed the whole poem but this graphic piece especially:
"I do not apologize for breaking moulds
Or for my lack of ability to cry,"
Repetition is used wisely and well. The poem is, well, an unstigmatizing poem among other virtues. Lyndon (Ron)
-
lol at a lot of potential in the comment up there. apologies are for wimps i say, a baby at seventeen, well you have to look on the bright side and think well at least it was not a baby at 15
-
I do not apologize for breaking moulds
Or for my lack of ability to cry,
Broken at your feet.
I move only with the quiet determination planted in my belly
Not long after I was given the ability to speak.
That is so powerful.....this is so beautiful.....It's good to read your work again :-) -
Through pain we grow
Through love we show
The truth that is our core
Though singleness
without a kiss
we stand where were, before
With loving hands
we made our stands
and turn our future bright
Can't make a dent
we won't be bent
We'll make it through this plight
Hugs...Eddy
Through trouble or problems we find out just how really
strong we are...
-
The development of this work is deliberate like a relationship begins, but the end is sudden, strong...
-
Oh my, Ms Aliana is exposed. I, simple wattle, can actually see right through this masterpiece. Wish K a HB from W for being so. Explain to K, M should not apologize for being double; W thinks perhaps no P could be more of a problem. Thank you Aliana, you know I need to talk about this poem there is something there that is flashing bright red at me (nothing to do with verse and/or rhyme). You're OK Ms Aliana (Hi Musketeers).
Edited on Aug 16, 4:47 p.m. because ''. -
I really like this poem. I think it has a lot of potential. One thing you could do if you wanted to revise it would be to tighten it up. Tightening up a poem simply means removing any words that may not be necessary. For example, instead of,
I do not apologize for the mistakes that I have made
you could say
I do not apologize for my mistakes
without changing any of the meaning, you have shortened a 10 word sentence to 7.
Tightening a poem is something that would make it more appealing to publishers, if you ever decided to publish it. Editors don’t like wasted words. They want images, metaphors, symbols, etc… but they want it all said with an economy of words. Forgive me if this is something you already know.
Continuing with your poem, I am just using your words/ideas and tightening them, so I hope you are not offended
I do not apologize my mistakes
Or my triumphs
Despite you.
The [power] behind my indifferent voice
Is audible only
Because I allow myself the courage to speak.
He was young,
she was even younger;
Love, a candy cane dipped in hope;
Wrapped tightly in ever after. (nice way to allude to the fairy tales we build our dreams on)
Wild, stupid anticipation, that only young hearts know.
I do not apologize for breaking moulds
Or my lack of ability to cry,
Broken at your feet.
I move only with the quiet determination planted in my belly
Not long after I was given the ability to speak.
I will not crumble nor will I abandon
That which allows me the grace to grow so fluidly.
I am not ashamed of my choices
Or of my children.
I do not apologize,
For having your baby at seventeen. -
Wonderful write, angry for sure, nor should you be ashamed of choices made, life is what it is, make the best of it, with no regrets... give em hell hun
Karen -
I will not crumble nor will I abandon
That which has allowed me the grace to grow so fluidly.
I am not ashamed of my choices
Or of my children.
Great words indeed..justy great..all I can say here..
Adding your comment:
1 - 10 of 10
5 old applause
