Some days I feel like writing
and getting things off my chest,
But then I think and realize
that there's really not much left.
Old and ripped love letters,
along with crushed and broken hearts...
and Momma's all depressed.
She doesn't know where to start.
Right now she's taking pills,
they're supposed to make her happy.
But that's not what she needs.
She just needs my daddy...
But hes always gone at work,
even late at night.
I never get to see him now,
Mom doesnt think thats right.
My brother just moved out of town
I don't really know him anymore.
Him and my mom weren't getting along,
so he just walked right out the door.
My brothers aren't very good
at showing me whats right.
I've tried to talk to them
but it always ends in a fight.
They say "you'll do it too."
"You'll end up just like me."
But following them wouldn't be true
to who I want to be.
Sometimes I just lay down and cry
because I don't know what to do.
There's nothing left to be happy for
after all that I've been through.
It feels like I'm under pressure,
every minute of every day.
To be better than what they are,
so i just sit and pray.
"Lord I hope you hear me,
I need some help right now.
I have nowhere to run to
I'm stuck here in this hell-hole,
until my mom forgives her son.
She needs to talk to Daddy.
He's doing the best he can.
He's trying to support the family.
Give some credit to the man.
I mean, yes, she's working too.
But not as hard as him
and I know it kills my daddy
to see her look so grim.
I pray for my brothers, Lord.
They need some guidance, too.
I know they're so much better
than what they're choosing to do.
I hate seeing them so messed up,
I can't handle too much more..
and I won't ever do that,
it would hurt me, and i swore.
But I need some strength, too.
Momma's watching me all the time.
I feel like I'm never good enough,
I guess I just need a sign.
Something to tell me that I can make it,
and that im strong enough to say
Everything I need to say,
To make everything okay.
I hope you hear me, Lord.
I need this strength today.
So this is why I'm on my knees,
and this is why I pray."
Author notes
Written August 16th, 2006
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Difficult and well done!
Claire, it's never easy to just open up and lay your life out on the table for everyone to see and I applaud you for doing that. And, I feel for you to have that happening in your life - it's not what should be happening to a 14 year old. Anthony's commnents are pretty cool and pretty much right on too. Glad you have a friend like him.
The poetry is fascinating to read too, because you've had to work on this to get the rhymes to fit and things to flow properly. This is, again, so different from other writes of yours, both in content and style - kind of a combination of all you've done before. It's been fun to watch your poetry change. To be able to "let it all out" and craft it at the same time is great. I love it.
Also, the best of everything to you - I'm always hanging around and I listen and encourage.
Paul -
well...you already know i'm madly in love with this poem.
it has God in it.
and and and. i'm going to give you the biggest hug ever when i see you. maybe that'll be your sign.
i really can't promise you that things will get better.
but i can promise you that i'll be there to make you feel better.
and that the pain will strengthen you.
and that Jesus gives us peace that surpasses all understanding
and that He really hates it when your mean to Him. like...use His name as a cussword.
but hey.
well...i probly didn't hit all the subjects...but i love you claire.
♥ Anthony
PS: James 4:8 "draw near to God and He will draw near to you" -
good
This definately shows the pain of growing up, missing childhood, and having a hard time dealing with what is happening in your family. I see this as a young girl talking things out with God, trying to figure things out and how to fix them. like this part:
guess I just need a sign.
Something to tell me that I can make it
If we could just tell her that she cannot fix everyone and everything and just to do the best she can and have faith. A very good write, it definately touched me.
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