I, translucent
let the cold linger,
wear nakedness like velvet,
drink your voice as poison.
You, abstruse
surrounded by smoke
wish only to see the broken,
drown in lies and protect yourself.
You were only an obsession
to fill my time and wanting.
Author notes
Written August 16th, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- Adultery by Danna Hobart.
300 points, ended August 15, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Okay, I feel like I know where this came from, and I feel like I have been here myself. It's such a short poem, but it says so much.
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Very interesting! The legnth is perfect too.
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Good one... How fitting.
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lovely
I really like this a lot. I think i can relate to the feeling of being really honest with someone who has no intention of being honest with you... and how hard it is to care about someone who doesn't care. I'm not sure if that was what you were going for but it's what i got. Besides the content, I really enjoyed all of your words. All the sharpness, the P's and K's and S's and T's did something wonderful when mixed with hollowness of the O's. They gave the write a kind of coldness. They made me read it in a whisper. I Don't know if i'm making any sense... I guess what I'm trying to say is that this is a really lovely write.
-C.C.
Ps
I think it's great that there's no gender assigned to either the "I" or the "you." It makes it that much easier for anyone to relate.
Edited on Aug 16 because 'clarification'. -
Are you trying to figure out if I'm male or female? And figure out if I'm writing about a man or woman?
Finish Cheesecake Diary- gimme your best bet. I'll confirm or deny when you're done.
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From reading Cheesecake 5 starting from the beginning now. No real M/F tone, words lke lies, obsession, and velvet make me think woman, smoke, obsession(works both ways), and poison makes me think man, but poison coupled with voice, feminine. Men lie, methinks feminine.
kind of abstract, as a stand alone no real insights into narrator, or third party character. Obvious angst love.
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