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Survivor challange 6 haiku


Abandoned red pumps
hiding out back in the weeds
dream of gasoline

_____________________

once proud and shiny
filling cars and dreams for miles
weeds comfort worn pumps

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rusty old fuel pumps
usefulness long exhausted
dream Cadillac dreams

Author notes

Although I didn't submit this one for the challenge I wanted to post it anyway.  It's one of about 4 I wrote after seeing the picture of two rusty red gas pumps discarded among the weeds..
Written April 12th, 2003

In a list

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • grannyeri gold member
    August 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Boy these go back a ways - like how all these are about the same topic, just different views - like haiku - not all can write them as they need more space and more words to get their point across. Enjoyed reading these three, this haiku chain.


  • AngelSeeker silver member
    April 16, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    Because you requested them... but I didn't post them because I wasn't sure they were quite right.


  • Ava Noire silver member
    April 16, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    well done you. I am with nike, where's the others ?


  • nike gold member
    April 12, 2003
    Edit | Reply

    Very Nice

    I like it. Where are the other three. You should have posted them all together. You could have seperated them with lines if they didn't go together. I would have loved to have seen them all.


  • myron silver member
    April 12, 2003
    Edit | Reply

    suggestion

    yes i like this one, the final line is good...but i'm a little worried about the second line as it's more of a statement than an image. I notice in your comment that you saw them in the weeds.
    Maybe that type of image would make the poem more powerful...
    it's just a suggestion, don't know if you like it or not...

1 - 5 of 5