Die

[Gangu]"toy"-
            Confort or education.
            Also: An amorous, supportive or frisky movement; trick
[Kyosei]"coerce"-
            To compel someone, through use of force, to dictate, to
            master. To constrain or restrain.
[Zettai]"absolute"-
            To be unequaled. To have no comparison or opposition. Free
            from all imperfection or deficiency; consummate. To be or
            act with certainty.
[Daisuki]"I love you"-
            ...



Once I desire something...
I cannot undesire it.
I cannot even try to resist.
I will desire it until I have it.
But there is still no end.
No matter how much i take...
No matter how much u give...
I still want.
I want you to stay.
Please stay here...
I don't want to be alone...
Please...please...
Don't say anything...
Don't say it...
I'm going to go mad if you do...
I don't want to see you...
But I need to see you...
I'm sick of you and yet...I need you...
I hate you because...because...
As soon as we have to say goodbye,
I want to die...
I want to die because...
I love you.
And yet you're still leaving me...
"Its over now. I don't love you. I have someone else."
You were lying right?
You didn't really mean it...did you?
"Seeya...Allyson."
Why?
Did I do something wrong?
"You're annoying. Quit following me. Go away. Its all over."
Either way...daisuki...

3 years later...
I've been thinking alot about life lately...
I always think...
That if only my life went back to the way it was...
...If only he didn't leave...
If only he didn't DIE...
And if only the Allyson that he knew didn't vanish...
I really think that way.
I know I can't do anything for him.
But if only the rest would go back to the way it was.
I don't want to go forward.
What's important to me is the past, my memories...
I don't want to go into the future.
That's why it is meaningless for me to be here right now...
When everything goes back to the way it was,
I'll probably disappear.
It doesn't mean anything for me to be here.
Because I'm going to disappear...

"But life if is about the struggle you go through before you disappear. Its about striving. You're not the only one who will eventually disappear. All of us will. Everything that lives dies. That is just how life is."

But why?
And who are you?

"Hn? Oh yes...I guess you wouldn't remember me...I'm you."

You're me? The me that disappeared?

"Yes. And now, its your turn to disappear. If you disappear, I can live again."

Really?
.....I will disappear....
Thank you...for letting me die.
Thank you for relieving me of my pain and suffering.
And thank you....for letting me go to hell.

"Then die."