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The Forest Shrine



Walking in a dense forest, I come into an open place
On top of a hill lies a building built by an unknown race
As I walk up the grassy slope, I see the door open to the shrine
Inside I come upon an ancient orb that holds secrets of mine

Staring in, I see my future that is yet to come
Lots of money, I see, cash in large sums
Wealth and power is what I shall gain
It seems in the future, I will live in the fast lane

But where’s the family, where’s the love?
Have I forgotten what matters? Forgot my Father above?
Greed for money and power doesn’t seem to make me happy
Instead it seems to make my whole life more crappy

There I am again, lying old and dead on the ground
At my funeral, no one came which is why there is no sound
So this is how my life is supposed to end?
Without love or smile, family or friend?

Leaving shrine has many questions running through my head
My future, although full of worldly wealth, I now dread
I guess I now have a choice of how my life turns out
Happiness or wealth? I already know without a doubt

by Sharcu (Tim)

Author notes

This poem was inspired by the picture above and was written for a contest. The contest holder ended it early, but I still wanted to share it anyways. Hope you liked it!
Written August 15th, 2006

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Comments

1 - 17 of 17

  • Sharcu silver member
    September 4, 2006
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    How might a poet improve if not by the critism of others? I always seem to include a couple of spelling errors in my poetry and I appreciate you pointing it out to me. I went ahead and fixed it. Thanks so much for your comment and the applause
    --Tim


  • mzblondemoments
    September 4, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Sharcu:

    I thought this piece was very beautiful and well written and the topic is very inspirational. I did notice what I believe to be a typo:
    "Greed for money and power doesn’t seem to make MY happy"
    maybe it should read:
    "Greed for money and power doesn’t seem to make ME happy"
    Sorry I mean not to critize but this is such a beautiful piece I hate for that to detract from it.
    Beautifully done. Thank you for entering and best of luck to you in the contest.


    ~carol


  • Kari gold member
    September 1, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Good Luck!

    oh wow this was very deep and thought provoking. I enjoyed reading it Thanks for entering and best of luck to u in the contest!

    Kari

  • Sharcu silver member
    August 16, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for your advice and constructive critism. I appreciate all the help I can get on my poetry. When I originally wrote the poem, that spelling mistake wasn't in there. Guess it jumped in when I was typing. Thanks for pointing it out to me
    --Tim


  • RevHead
    August 16, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    hey! wow this was a very deep and moving piece. You did a very good job expressing it. How sad that so many people will have a life ended in that sad, lonely state. Great write loved reading it NMNM


  • agazeley gold member
    August 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    This is the eventual view of most people over forty five –
    How do you make the young think in a similar way . .
    Power corrupts . .and greed needs feeding
    Where do you begin to solve the problems of desperate minorities
    How do due you change the directions of the misguided

    An age old problem –
    That is why shrines are built for praying not for reminiscing

  • Ale Moonflair
    August 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Interesting concept, not the best execution.

    There were a few typos in the poem that I noticed -- "no on came", for example. Not a big deal, and something a spellchecker wouldn't catch. A few of the lines felt rough, like the structure of them wasn't quite right - "Leaving shrine has many questions..". The sentence structure threw off the flow of the poem for me, it made me stop and say hey, that doesn't sound right. I liked the concept, though, and what the poem meant.


  • out of office
    August 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    um this was pretty good. I dont know about the picture..its kind of distracting, nice effort!


  • Clovis...Curious silver member
    August 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Excellant /intrigueing

    Fan tas tic! Very well done indeed. Reminds me of my poem: "Reflecting on Protests" check it out and comment if you choose.


  • FlawedDestiny
    August 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I really liked this. It asked so many questions that should come naturally to mankind. Which do you take fame and fortune or kindness and spirtituality? The answer should be simple but the question never is. Good job on this. I liked it. It was peaceful although it was a bit sad.
    ~*destiny*~


  • astralshepherd gold member
    August 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    love the flow of this and the rhymes are really wonderful. You have a real gem here to be proud of. blessings and best wishes, ~richard

  • KP 2 Reborn
    August 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    This really goes with the picture,
    Awesome job!
    KP

  • mellowcent
    August 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Very thoughtful poem. Good job.

    You have certainly caught the mood of of this picture.
    You were very thoughtful in writing this. Perhaps you can reframe your thoughts to include the money along with the happiness.
    I personally like the end where you have a choice about your future. I like happy endings!


  • Flowering Star
    August 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    excellent

    Excellently sends the message many stories and writings have expressed. I agree with you to the full. I liked the way you rhymed. It is a descriptive poem with clear imagery. However I don't think it describes the picture.

    I agree material things are nothing compared to spiritual happiness, yet in this world it seems no one really believes that with all their heart. Thank you for sharing this amazing poem with us.


  • Lightfoot
    August 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Wonderful Write

    This is an example of poetry that has mustered the deep meaning of life and the effects of an all too greedy world on the human soul.
    Best of all this poem is sufficiently beautiful to render the reader a true sentiment of soul when they have left the page.


  • earthstar
    August 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Excellent idea

    very great poem money is not everything the message it very clear. i think you have done a wonderful job expressing yourself it a treat to read thanks for sharing have a great day your freind b take care


  • Underneath my skin
    August 15, 2006
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    This is what i've been wondering too... latetly you see people choose money over love. And I dident even need to ask myself what i'd choose. You've caught emotions well and with the picture I could see the ancient building in the high mountain tops and i could picture the magical orb in the center of the room. Very descriptive and very thoughtful. I enjoy this alot.
    keep it up!
    .lucinda.

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