Kept in the color box
somewhere tween the rusted wagon
and split wood swing,
is a place where secrets ascend to air
kept safe by the monarchs
that witness first kisses in July;
when fluttering back
toward the windmills of pondering
yellow angels with honeysuckle breath
repeat the stories from their sanctuary
Flirting as they do,I recalled
that year of needful touching,
how I loved but later realized
those kisses, tasting like soap
mixed with maple and rain,
were abandoned to sand and hail
and as borrowed childhood goes,
we trade it for a colder picture
Of today in a cloud of melancholy
and tomorrow’s restless wind.
Author notes
Written August 15th, 2006
In a list
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What wonderful childhood memories. I sadly have very few from mine. It is always so nice to read someone else's. Excellent flow and rhythm. Wonderful imagery. Just an excellent write
You have just been Hood-Winked
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Really great work on this poem! but so sad! Childhood should never be abandoned, and no matter what the world tells us, we should make sure we keep a magical setting like the one you described hidden deep within our hearts! (mine is filled with fairy tale creatures)
*cough* Anyways, Really really great work on this, i enjoyed it immensely! The wording you chose was most interesting and well done.
The only nitpick i MIGHT make, and even this is debatable as your poem seems rather more free verse than form (unless i'm missing something) is the inconsistancy of line length in the first stanza compared to the fairly solid length in the second... At the same time, it does seperate the two sections of the poem nicely, so i don't know....
Great work anyways!
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You have a point worth considering. I'm usually very balanced on the aesthetics. But.......I read some contemporaries and it influenced the uneven form.
Realize that I'm very picky as well, and shelf life is like a good health stay in the hospital. I'll find other factors..........thanks to the others who observe. Well....like you!
Thank you so much. Warmly, CookieZeal/MDB
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wow. what amazing images of an abandoned childhood.
"the rusted wagon
and split wood swing,"
and incredibly creative and delicious description.
"the windmills of pondering
those yellow angels with honeysuckle breath"
"tasting like soap
mixed with maple and rain,"
love how you start with classic symbols of carefree childhood and then move on to first kisses and first brushes with love... really capture that "realization" and the constant burying and sacrifice and "trading" inherent in growth and change and life.
i have to admit that i didnt complete follow all the transitions
"were abandoned to sand and hail
and as borrowed childhood goes,
we trade it for a colder picture"
the shift in each line here as you turn to general reflection, seemed a bit abrupt to me. don't quite get how the kisses are "abandoned to hail and rain" and then at "a borrowed childhood" you seem to jump mid-sentence to a completely different chain of thought...
also, while the description was breathtaking, i didnt completely understand the connection to the butterflies.
but this is really lovely, and has churned up unresolved threads of thought. wonderful work!
"tomorrow's restless wind" -
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interesting perception
I see what elements you mean. I am a pantry poet where special ones like this are concerned. If a reader sees something I don't it is always considered.
Thank you for your detailed comment and suggestion.
Warmly!
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memories touch within those long years that are left behind..
yet within those childhood days that innocence is lost... where it's gone no one really knows... yet when we do recall.. it brings smiles on our face as we continue on!
beautiful my friend!
Keep penning on one stroke at a time!
Bill
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beautiful
i love how you can express how you feel in such deep words
i love reading dean koontz because he can describe detail in such precise words
i think i could read your poems all day because you have the same exact way of showing others how you feel and it makes them feel what they're supposed to when they read your works. . . a genuine piece of art
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I Love the ingredients of this particular coo
Adventurous and never slight, brave and with every delight!
I've done alot of that lately. Opens up new worlds which have been there all along. All we ever had to do. Was to try and remember them. -
Wow, I like this. Truely stirs up my emotions. The images of the abandoned wagon and swing are quite powerful. To me, this poem is mourning the loss of childhood innocence. If so, I can relate. Amazing work.
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Hi there. Thank you,. I know that need to be reviewed for the sake of quality.
Just leave your links in my IM's please. And I will be happy to give any level of critique I offer.
Level 1
Level 2 <<<<<<<<<<<<<----------- both explained on my author's page
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what better way to describe this than deep and intense. wow, beautifully done, i love the way this piece flows and calls up some very strong images while still giving an overall sense of calm and universal experience to it while still being personal. i'm not really quite sure if what i just wrote makes sense, but suffice it to say that i enjoyed reading this. i read one of your comments on another piece and was just wondering if you might critique one of my pieces (not the most recent couple of pieces which are short haikus, but any of the others) because it is so difficult to find those who put some thought into their critiques and really try to help others improve their writing, and so it seems that you do. i'd very much appreciate it. my only suggestion for you is, keep writing! best wishes and may peace go with you
~shadowlyn -
oh, my gosh. What a compliment. I do so want to mirror the beautiful things that give our hearts a tug.
Thank you for reading and giving such a thorough review. You know. The idea that our memories are ours, keeps them as ours, but........since childhood is our cacoon, we trade it. It is, thus, borrowed in that sense. Also...it shows the loving Creator's choice for us, by will or permission.
Your comment enhanced this. I won't forget the time you give me.
Love you lots. ((((((((((((( hugs )))))))))))))))))
Dianne the CookieZealeth! -
I can't read your work, Dianne, withoug feeling a renewal of faith, life and hope. You are by far one of the most inspiring and beautiful members on this site.
This poem struck home for me in a most impressive way. We have that box of childhood memories stored away, between the softness and the hardness of our lives... and to borrow from it when we need it is one of life's most bestest things. See, even thinking about it brings me to writing about it as if I were that child again. I recall using that expression, 'most bestest' as a small child, when we said what we felt, not the properness we later were taught.
And as we start to grow up, feel those first quick yet romantic kisses, the touch of falling in love.... awwww.. such memories ...the child.. the bigger child... the grown child and as the years pass, the mature child within us, right there next to the little one of long ago.
Did we just borrow that childhood so long ago or is it our permanent prized possession to borrow from? Either way works for me
This is a most bestest piece, my friend, thank you for it
Much love and big
Dee
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That must be when we hurt so much. When we experience a mi-nute element of Jesus' transition from the Cross. The pain, the elevated love which couldn't go anywhere else from here....
but ...................THERE.
I know your picture. .....how it took in what is before us. We are sisters in a stream of sameness. How unique~!
I'm always humbled by your understanding of the pain and the pleasure of this life's chapter. Thank you!
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Divinely Dianne
My dearest friend Dianne
Whenever I read your work, I experience a strong awareness of recognition ... And the beautiful truths you put together in a divine verse flutter inside my soul ...
For the soul within the Soul every memory is a sign-post on the road towards Divine Freedom, and retrospect and recollection is a way to remind in order to reassess. I was standing on some beautiful land yesterday, enjoying the splendor, when a peaceful and tranquil thought crossed my mind: this world has passed. Our Home is Elsewhere. I believe you will understand my heart.
Thank you for your reflection of Beauty, lovely Mirror or Truth.
Myra -
One thing about memories is if we don't like the picture we recall we can always swap it for another view. Denial aboundings in this world that needs truth so badly. Maybe someday eyes will truly open and see what is really there and
not what we wish or hope to be...
Hugs...Eddy -
Loved it!
Wow..this was so tender and wonderful. I loved it. The background so delicate. You did such a great job with putting this together. The flow is very nice! Thanks for sharing!
Kari -
Yes. It slipped by us. We leave it up to somebody..or other beings. This time, it's up to our buttefly friends who help us remember happy times. Even in a tear, they're fearlessly flying, flipping and reporting to our places of thinking.
Isn't that sweet? We remember, and then ..it makes all of our happiness of early times VALID! Nope. It wasn't a frenzy or a hallucination. It happened. They're our reporters of God's allowances.
I'm so glad you got to read and comment. Hope it thrilled you!
Glad to see you here. As always, your comment is an extensive joy! -
Take a trip down memory lane, dare you!
WOW, Di? Did all of us,in our age bracket have a secret box? A place, stash of those wonderful brief youthful moments that passed so very fast? Now that we are older we take them out either physically or mentally and retrace those times? You work here is so very enjoyable to read. I had to stop and take my own trip down memory lane. Beautiful presentation. Your writing is so very polished, how can one critize? A blessing, a real treat for my day. Nice stop here before preparing supper calls me away. Your homepage is wonderful! So, beautiful and fresh1 Everytime, I get here, it is always NEW! Dear friend, how do you find the time? GBU and thank you for entertaining me! I'm so very glad all is well in your corner of the world. -
Deep!
Wow this was wonderful deep and everything. You have penned this to perfection. Thank u for sharing!
Kari -
Oh..gosh. You said it again. Somehow you always give my work a refrain. It makes the reverie much more important. I never think anything I write is perfect since it always has to include......folks like, you dear. Those who 'get it'.
And you do. I'm so glad. You polish me.
Blessings, CookieZeal/Di
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There is something so endearing about poetry that brings us out of childhood into the world where we must face maturity, rites of passage of society that just aren't what our expectations would imagine and to places where we suddenly face being adult and letting go (slightly) of those first kisses.
This is perfect Cookie - but I think you should know that already. There is always something about the eloquence you bring to your poetry. This is no exception. -
Thank you, Mary. Yes. Heavy is the best descriptive of
knowledge and wisdom is the glory realm where it
nests.
We give things up on this planet. We just do.
I'm happy if YOU got it.
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You know when they flutter back in
Toward the windmills of pondering
yellow angels with honeysuckle breath
Your images as usual are awe inspiring.
and as borrowed childhood goes,
we turn it in for a colder picture
Of today and tomorrow’s restless wind.
Awe, to be the child but knowledge weighs heavy, yes?
You did well at capturing my attention and stirring memory. Well done
Edited on Aug 15, 12:05 because ''.
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