drip. . .
drip. . .
drip. . .
The haunting beat
Of a soul obsolete.
slip. . .
slip. . .
slip. . .
From this cold reality
Into my queer mentality.
flip. . .
flip. . .
flip. . .
This world's perspective
From the great collective.
rip. . .
rip. . .
rip. . .
This heart of pure black
From insanity's attack.
dip. . .
dip. . .
dip. . .
Into a river of affliction
To avoid this conviction.
tip. . .
tip. . .
tip. . .
The face of this plight;
Sorrows kiss to invite.
grip. . .
grip. . .
grip. . .
These shreds of my existence
To suffer with persistence.
Author notes
This is about how cutters see the world.
“You were lullabies I forgot to sing and you fluttered away with the clouds that night”
Written August 15th, 2006
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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This was creative and bold. I read it and its like someone is driven out of their will to cut. I have two fav lines one "From this cold reality into my queer mentality" and "This heart of pure black from insanity's attack"
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This is really cool. I really like the preamble to the stanzas it really set the tone and enhences the imagery. Its like reading in High Definition. Great Job.
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First of all, thank you for your comment and I respect your criticisms. With that being said I just want to tell you that I know cutting doesn't stem from mental illness but I am mentally ill; I'm bi-polar, extreme OCD, and schizophrenic. Because I am mentally ill it seeps it's way into everything I write; so that is where the insanity comes from. I wasn't trying to say that you have to be crazy to cut, I was just projecting my mind into the poem. Thank you again for your comment. ~Lilly~
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Good job. Grade: B
Done it before, so I understand. I liked the interjection of the drips, and rips, etc.
Although I didn't feel any greatness about the poem I thought it was brave of you to write about this. Some 'cutters' do the act, or worse yet lie about it, for attention. This didn't come off as a plea for attention to me. It was written without a need to direct the readers emotions and make them feel pity.
You don't have to be insane to cut and alot of people think this. It is a disease, and it does not stem from mental fucking illness. Do you realize how many people, who found out a person cuts, have called them insane or worse? It drives me fucking crazy...lol.
People cut for various reasons; to measure inner pain with outer pain and see which one hurts worse, to break the numbing feeling that anti dep meds can have (this was my own), to see if they can find the monster in their veins that is causing them their turmoil, or just to see the sight of blood and know they are indeed alive.
you could have gone a bit deeper with this, but thats ok, I liked the poem.
Good luck in the contest and be safe.
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I really liked this one. Great job.
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Nope. You got it! Thanks for the comment and I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thanks. ~Lilly~
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Not exactly what I wanted for a cutting piece, but that's okay. I think that you should have used metaphors to create the scene, not just out right say. It would have give your piece a unique touch.
Good luck in the contest.
always and forever,
~Kendal -
I was a little confused about it, but I think I got the general gist of it. This was quite well written and I kind of picture someone sitting there flipping a razor blade and being torn between using it and not. I hope I didnt assume incorrectly. :]
♥ -
Hmm, that was interesting.
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