Contamination seeped through fissures of flesh and stone
leaving hazy illusions of society's results unknown
Music continued silently through the years
cobbled streets grew to burnt charcoal from absent tears
Thousands, walking and breathing -the living dead-
not realizing how far the damage had spread
Wounded lands heal through bandages of time,
we realize there is no such thing, a victimless crime
No longer does music silently play on these grounds,
a dance of rebirth and population is abound
Author notes
This is the second part to a piece with the same title by ~ ButterflyCuts~ for luckynsincere's poetic challenge.
allpoetry.com/Poem/2174155 here is the link to the first part
Written August 13th, 2006
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What did you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Usually when you start off as strong as "Contamination seeped through fissures of flesh and stone" you expect it to plummet somewhere. Where is the plummnet?
This one just rocks from beginning to end
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Kewl piece, my friend! Totally kewl! Well done!
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I think I would have to agree with Melanie's comment. You two have done such a terrific job with the content and the rhyme - each in such a unique way! Splendid!
abscessed
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I don't know what to say except "wow"! You have a wide range of vocabulary, it is like your words were very carefully put. Your poem is very thought provoking, i can learn a lot from you. Great job!
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Let me say that the two of you have done a terrific job! And I like to see the two of you honestly and crittically working together. That says alot about the skills and teamwork.
I must tell you that so far.. the two of you have grabbed this round by the horns... Well... with that being said... I am off to see what the others have done.
Good luck to you sweety... this is certainly making the competition very tight!!
Mel
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Ok.. I really like it, but it seems to have too many words in each line sometimes, so the flow isn't as good.
as cobbled streets grew to burnt charcoal from absent tears
That line is really good and I like the burnt charcoal from tears particuarly but it is too long.. although I don;t have any suggestions.
Wounded lands heal through the bandages of time
I'd omit the 'the' as it is just a filler word. Little things like that. Other than those though I really like it
Well done.
x
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