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In Your Eyes



Your heart’s in your eyes
The pain I see is no surprise
Hiding the tears for so long
No longer able to stay strong

Stop lying to yourself and your friends
Here and now in this place is where it ends
I will stand and fight with you in the war
Shoving your worries, tears out the door

Are you prepared to fight back
I will make up for anything you lack
If you fall, I shall help you stand
Come on now, just take my hand

Do not worry for we’ve already won
The war ended on the cross by what was done
So are you ready to, against the enemy, rise
No longer carrying your heart in your eyes

by Sharcu (Tim)

Author notes

Option: 4-Your heart's in your eyes

As soon as I saw this line the words started coming to me. I know the feeling of looking into someone's eyes and see their pain as if I'm looking directly into their heart. The poem is pretty much self-explanitory. The last stanza I decided to go more spiritual. The second line in that stanza was inspired by David Crowder's song "We Win!" which is awesome if you haven't heard it.

Hope you found this poem inspirational! God bless!
Written August 13th, 2006

In a list

A contest entry

What did you think

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Comments

1 - 15 of 15

  • Sharcu silver member
    September 27, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    First off, what are you talking about? Your comment seemed speradic and made no sense. I'm not sure what I got nominated for or anything like that... This is probably one of my least favorite poems that I've written in the last several months. But if you take the time and read some of my other writing, you'll realize I have much better poetry than this... you've probably just read my worst. I completely agree with you - the rhyming sucks. That's probably why I didn't win.

    What you said at the end... this is nothing to go by. This is no example of what kind of poetry I can write. Frankly, I found your comment very rude and disrespectful since you haven't even attempted to read any of my other writes. I don't know who nominated me for whatever, but this definately does suck. I'll be the first to say that. But the way you put it is most hurtful and unappreciated.
    --Tim


  • dp robertson
    September 27, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    What the nominator thinks - I love this poem because of the deep meaning that is left within it.
    Congratulations! This poem was nominated as one of the two best poems on this site for a favourites comp run by D P Robertson. You were nominated by MusicalWings

    What I thought - This piece is just knackered isn’t it? I was asking for something fantastic and was led by the nose to this. Imagine my surprise, blindfolded…this way…almost there…I know you didn’t ask for it…little bit closer…you can take your blindfold off any moment….1,2,3 surprise…a plonky old piece of poetry that makes little or no sense…but I did ask for some good writing? Stiff shit, you are getting this! As part of this competition where I ask for people’s favourite poetry, for yours to improve it needs a smoothness that is fundamentally and monumentally, lacking. The rhymes are so ordinary or often just inane.

    Are you prepared to fight back
    I will make up for anything you lack
    If you fall, I shall help you stand
    Come on now, just take my hand

    This is about as ordinary and dull as poetry can get. I would really suggest you get a dictionary out and learn new words, especially adjectives, not rhyme for a while and try and elevate your thoughts off the page.

    David

    PS This may help and if this is anything to go by, I think you do need it-
    allpoetry.com/Column/2242851


  • Sharcu silver member
    August 28, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Ah, its suppose to be no longer. I always read it like longer because that's how I thought I put it. Thanks for letting me know
    --Tim


  • Samplette gold member
    August 28, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    "No long carrying your heart in your eyes? "I think you have left something out of this line. Otherwise it is a well written piece. Thank you for entering the contest
    Sam


  • RevHead
    August 17, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    ... o wait ive already looked at this this pieve never ceses (I CANT SPELL!!! ) to touch me NMNM


  • Katie Lazette
    August 16, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful write

    Hi Tim, beautiful write. When I read the last stanza the 2nd line jumped out. I can't remember David Crowder's songs, but the name is very familiar. Now I mostly have Cospel tapes. Keep up the good writing. Do you start school soon? This year will pass by quickly. Take care of you and God Bless.

  • lillmissunshine
    August 14, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    hola tim,
    this is a great poem. You wrote it really well, and it was so touching and understandable!!! Great job, and good luck with this contest


  • RevHead
    August 13, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    this is sooo touching and beautiful! (being a guy i suppose you probably dont like having your work called beautiful...) but anyway, it you used these words to your advantage, and made a work of art out of them! I loved this piece very well done NMNM


  • Sharcu silver member
    August 13, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    This piece was a lot harder to rhyme than my other poems just because I didn't have a computer available when I wrote it. I penned this out onto paper before transfering it to a computer. Normally I use sites like rhymezone so it made this more difficult. Glad you are seeing and improvement.
    --Tim


  • Frogzter gold member
    August 13, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Oh Tim, this is just beautiful! Your rhyming skills are improving with every piece. This fits the pic perfectly! Keep that golden quill busy my friend... it is really paying off!
    Blessings and hugz,
    Frog~


  • Sharcu silver member
    August 13, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Yep, you caught my mistake! When I originally wrote it in my poetry notebook (wrote it last night) I wrote it longer. Guess I didn't really check it over when I typed it up. Thanks for pointing it out to me. Thanks for commenting!
    --Tim


  • Truthful Princess
    August 13, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    lovely

    Wow this was an aweosome poem that i really enjoyed reading.So much better than my dumb book that i must finish today..blah. I just have one question...in this line..

    "No long able to stay strong"

    did you mean to but no longer able to say strong, cuz to me it seems to make more since but thats just me. Great write!


  • HerbalGoat
    August 13, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this is beautiful and very inspirational. Believe it or now, I almost cried, which is really unlike me. Wonderful piece, Tim! Best of luck in the contest.

    Much love,
    ♥ Beth


  • Salt Walker
    August 13, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    i liked the ryhming in this. usually i dont like rhyming mainly cause i can't rhyme very well, but it sounded great here. awesome job
    ^Xerox^


  • Molassis
    August 13, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Lil brother Tim... I think the title fits quite nicely and you've done a fantastic job with this poem... I especially love the ending!!!

    well done lil bro!

    God bless you sweetie!!!

    ~Melissa

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