I'm playing hide and seek with God.
He hasn't found me yet.
He counted to infinity,
And didn't break a sweat.
If you were me, where would you hide?
What tiny sinful nook...
Where's the place, upon this earth,
Where God won't think to look?
First I hid behind a stone,
Too big for God to move.
He hoisted it above my head,
With not a thing to prove.
I realized that God could see,
Where I would choose to go.
The future is an easy thing,
For omnipotence to know.
So then I thought about my will,
It seems that fate is bound.
How am I supposed to hide,
When I'm already found?
Then I thought about the souls,
Of everything on earth.
I thought of every bloody death,
And every bloody birth.
And then I stopped to ask myself,
Of all the things to see...
Why would my God spend his time,
To seek the hidden me?
For if He can see everything,
Why must we play this game?
And why if I refuse to play,
Must there be threats of flame?
So here I am, out in the woods,
And both of us are bored.
So I propose another game,
To my immortal Lord.
I'm not quite sure what God could want,
I speak against His pride.
I say we'll start another game,
And it's His turn to hide.
I thought I had an easy task,
It seems that I was wrong.
Because God hid so very well,
The seeking will be long.
I start to think he's really gone,
To where I cannot find.
I think that he's deserted me,
And all of humankind.
I'm sorry if you worship him,
And read that holy book.
I'm sad I made him go away...
... but you can help me look.
Author notes
Hmm lemme know what you think of this one... it could be seen as a fable... or an atheist's calls for help... or just a fun little tale with some philosophy.
Written August 13th, 2006
A contest entry
- Give me something so spirtual so that the hair on my arms and neck stands up by SueMason.
600 points, ended January 23, 2008, 18 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Want some points? Philosophy, God, whatever you want... by magneticblue.
1400 points, ended July 24, 2008, 25 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 32 of 32
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Nice write. You do a great job with the rhyme and meter and the idea behind the poem is thought provoking, and attacks an age-old idea from a fresh perspective.
A thought...
In the first line of the fourth stanza I think it might flow a tad better with, "I quickly realized God could see."
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amazing poem.
i do not believe in god.
and often have this debate.
you are talking about such a deep and meaningful debate, yet you manage to make it so lighthearted at the same time,
i love you work.
thank you alex -
I like
Yet again you cease to amaze me. I feel this way sometimes (I'm not really an atheist but when I see all the pain and suffering around I sometimes wonder if God has forsaken us :/) great poem either way
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I like how you turned such a serious and personal topic into something of a 'fable'. Your rhyme in this was good, and I enjoyed reading it the whole way through. Thank you for entering.
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ya, fun with philosophy...this made me hihihi..hahaha..but then i really enjoyed it...there is some serious thought in those funny words ...congrats on the trophy..
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It seems sort of sad, but at the same time I don't know, its perfect, I love the last line, a perfect ending. Sometimes it does feel like God is hiding, and there are plenty of people who aren't looking anyways. Your poems show a lot of skill at rhyming and telling stories.
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I am not a religious person of any sort. I have my own belief system which is quite non conformative to established relgions.
This piece really has struck a deep cord with me, because I myself have looked for him and not found exactly what I was looking for, but when I needed him most, he came to my rescue. I just had to look for him a different way. Not look for where he might hide, but look for him where I thought he wouldn't be...
I hope that if you are looking, you will find what you personally seek.
So beautifully penned. -
Wow.
It could be seen as a cry for help,
if so then He can be found,
by simply calling for Him.
If not then sadly,
most tend to play games with Him,
and it won't be very happy when that day comes.
..Simply Me♥
P.S God bless you. -
There is something very profound about this poem.
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loved every minute of it
it's more on the atheist side but i still loved it...if the other 2 contestants didnt submit their poem then you would've been the winner.. your great and thanks for giving me a chance to read ur words...you have one of the most beautiful gifts that any1 would want..including me..great job! -
he his nevr hiding honey and he hopes that you'll seek him one day. he'll nevr go away and he'll never dessert you. Sometimes all you can do is cry out for help and at times when you least expect it that's when you'll find him. Have faith. It's sometimes hard to do but have faith. It's funny because little children faith are so big. I remember that I believed in Santa until I was 13. I was living in NYC at that time. My father and I went out and thats where U found all these different Sants's on the street smelling like pee. My point is you have to have faith and believe until someone or something proves you wrong. When you do find him u might wonder what took u so long..great write though..i really liked it.
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I think this poem would read better if it was left-aligned rather than centered, as you have it.
Other than that: I found it to be quite nice, it had a good fluid read to it, the rhyming wasn't too bad - a good poem that you have written here.
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Results...
Originality: 4/4 It’s very original.
Rhythm: 3/4 It wasn’t consistent, but there was a rhythm.
Wording: 4/4 Great wording.
Ease of Reading: 4/4 Read very well.
Final Score: 15/16 I liked this poem very much.
For a more extensive critique contact me after the close of the contest.
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Beautiful!!!
I really love this poem, and all of your others! I don't know if you really feel this way but I know that I have! Beautifully written!
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Exceptional
You certainly have an inborn gift for fable-forming and myth-making. This was really wonderful and thought-provoking. As with all great tales, the simplicity is deceptive, and the humor serves to lower the reader's guard so the underlying messages can sneak through the side door, as it were. I'll sure be reading more of your magical yarns.
Thanks for a great read.
All the best,
David Michaels
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Wonderful Write
My son (silently raining) is right to let everyone know of this poem...very well written poem...well structured with a perfect rhyming rythm...this masterpiece shows off your amazing talent..The topic is very though provoking and speaks of the doubts and confusion I think every person at some point has to face...I often face it but realize it I've not lost God, i just lost myself...all I need to look is into my heart with the torch light of faith & I can still see the ray of hope...all we need is us to seek and we will find we never lost God for a moment....May you find what you are looking for & I'm sure you will...patience & faith...Take Care & God Bless...Minoo
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Would it completely ruin it for you if I told you I'm not religious at all? I wanted to try and find a way to work in all those philosophical questions like God making the rock too big for him to lift, and the question of free will... but keep it whimsical in nature instead of bleak and pessimistic.
The ending does reflect my attitude a little bit though... a little bit of guilt, a little bit of pity, and a little bit of open minded wondering.
I've never attended church or been even remotely religious though.
Thanks for reading!
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Hmmm, as always amazing story development and rhyme scheme. VERY interesting thought process, I am personally a Christian who is going the a Religious Recession at the moment. I understand a lot of this poem and I have friends who would feel more at home within its bounds. You given me some SERIOUS food for thought, my friend.
I love your style and always shall, and that is all I have to say for now.
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So then I thought about my will
It seems that fate is bound
How am I supposed to hide
When I'm already found?
this combined with free will caused one of my friends to become wicken, he just couldn't handle a cartisean circle (God i suck at spelling) at any rate i think i've found him, but i'm not sure, he's a tricky one that God, and he doesn't always show his meaning, i thought this poem portrayed that well, wether or not you meant it to. fun read at any rate
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this is a good piece of poetry i find which you have written here with some style, it holds a nice gentle rhythm to the poem and the flow is very nice indeed. i thank you very much indeed for sharing your poetic talent. i enjoyed reading it. spill ink and twist me into the crazy shape of love...
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Thanks for your long and useful comment... I agree the lifting the stone stanza isn't quite perfect... but I left it in because I loved the idea of including the old "stone too heavy for God to lift" paradox in there and I thought it justified a mediocre stanza... The "threats of flame" stanza isn't a bad rhyme by itself... it's just sounds different in tone and style from the simple sound of the rest of the poem... And yes, I agree.. the last one you picked out is just mediocre and punchless...
I am glad you liked the poem on the whole though... perhaps i'll revisit it and touch it up soon. Thank you! -
the ending is AWESOME! builds up and then catches you completely by suprise. so clever and striking.
getting there... there were some great, though-provoking or fun lines and images.
"He counted to infinity
And didn't break a sweat"
"So here I am, out in the woods
And both of us are bored"
(i couldnt help crack a smile
)
'I thought of every bloody death
And every bloody birth"
(wow)
but i felt this dragged on quite long and a bit simplic, and i found myself wincing at a lot of the rhymes.
'First I hid behind a stone
Too big for God to move
He hoisted it above my head
With not a thing to prove"
"And why if I refuse to play
Must there be threats of flame?"
"Because God hid so very well
The seeking will be long"
still, i think it is so cool that you were able to take hurt and helplessness you hint at in the last couple stanzas of feeling abandoned by God and turn it into such a clever, fun story. with just a couple stark, gripping, honest lines. -
omg i loved this it is awesome
it flowed so easily and rhyming was brilliant
keep it up
<3 -
i'm really really impressed, i think this may be the best i've ever read on here. the rhyming, the content, the flow, everything was brilliant and i enjoyed it thoroughly. Nice work!
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...Or it can be seen as pure genius. This is fantastic. Its handles a terribly delicate and difficult subject with such ease and simplicity. The idea behind it is simply marvellous and the execution of the theme is perfect. Whats even better about this is that it can interpreted in many ways, as you pointed out in your authors comments. Really well done! And thanks for commenting on my poem! xxx
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Wow, I've never read anything like this, nice. I really like the idea, I thought this poem would be all like, You'll go to hell if you don't go this way! Because I've read some poems like that. It did nothing but make me mad. I don't know what I believe in yet, there's so many religions to chose from...
will I ever know? But anyway, awsome write
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Hehehe funny/sad is my new favorite tone! I absolutely agree with you too... too much God preaching (or God bashing even) grows old rather quickly... so I tried to keep this one light and cute... but with a philosophical edge to it.
Thanks for reading! -
Wow, this poem is strange, not in a bad way at all. Just it's strange to me because I never thought that something could be kind of funny in some ways and then sad in others. It just seems like an impossible mixture, but you did it! Nice work on doing that! Plus I usually hate anything with the word "god" in it because people always seem to take it to an unhealthy level of preaching or something like that, and you didn't. So good work with that too! All and all, it's a good poem!
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Hmm yes perhaps I'll change that... the verb "realize" in all it's forms is fucking IMPOSSIBLE to work into a rhyming poem haha ... Thank you for reading
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This was amazing! I simply adore it! The end was just a fantastic finish to the whole poem, and by god(no pun intended), I love the subject material. I laughed, I cried(My eye is watering, anyway) and I was in lust with it by the second line. It captured attention and held it. Wonderful rhyme scheme by the way. I have to say one thing in defense of this still being a critique, and not a praise offering to this magnificent of poems-
I realized that God could see
That line was the only one in the entire pome that threw me off. It seemed...I don't know...syllabically incorrect? I hope that's a word. Other than that...nope...that's it. Oh well. I tried. Thanks for the comment!
~Slip~ -
I thought this was very awesome. It was very clever and witty, but with an almost sad little twist at the end. Your rhyming was perfect though. The whole piece flowed so well I was done before I even realized it. Nice work and best wishes to you.
-Chantelle -
im not christian, but that peice is damned awesome. lovely. beautiful. funny, yet charming.
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