Abstract art on a canvas of gold
Beastly burdens of sorrows untold,
Costly connections weave webs of pain
Denoting darkness nothing to gain
Exhaustive exodus from my strife
Forlorn forethought of a weary life
Ghostly goblins no longer can bear
Hollow heartaches- all that's left to share
Indifferent indulgence my main goal
Jaded jealously taking its toll
Kinetic kiss forever in lust
Lacking lyrical expression of trust
Moderate modesty lends a hand
Nettlesome neurosis not so grand
Outlandish outcast from long ago
Poignant pieces of the heart still glow
Quality quarry just out of reach
Rhyming revelation I beseech
Silent slumber the name of the game
Tedious torture- no one to blame
Unconscious understanding I seek
Vexing vagrant with hands out so meek
Wavering waif so eager to please
X-rated x-ray aiming to tease
Yammering youth put in her place
Zippy zephyr my sorrows erase
Author notes
A-Z Rhymation with a meter of 9 per line
Written August 12th, 2006
A contest entry
- Impress Me by Shadowsong.
1000 points, ended November 14, 2006, 57 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite Phenomenon by Ryno.
375 points, ended January 11, 2007, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - If You Want Comments... by RT michaels.
335 points, ended February 13, 2007, 106 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~It Doesn't Get Any Easier Than This~ by -Ink Artist-.
525 points, ended April 13, 2007, 56 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rhyme Time by Danna Hobart.
375 points, ended October 12, 2007, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Golden Poems (pre-write quickie) by JM Kenyon.
450 points, ended December 22, 2007, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me your best prewrites by Blue-Rose Beauty.
500 points, ended April 23, 49 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - come take a look! please?? (rhyming contest!) by nobodys-girl.
400 points, ended July 16, 237 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Enigmatic Rounds-PREWRITES- Round 1 by MysteriousWhisper.
400 points, ended July 24, 20 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 34 of 34
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Good job on this one. You've made it fit a motif without making it sound forced.
Yes -
yes
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wow i can't even imange how difficult it was to write this... great job. thank you so much for entering my contest and best of luck!
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Great job with the ABC acrostic form. I've done these before and found them somewhat difficult too, especially when they rhyme.
s and best wishes always... ~Genie~
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Because I got so many entries, I am going to judge this a little different than I normally do. On the contest page the challenge was to write a rhyming poem that shows instead of tells, with imagery and metaphor galore. In addition to those things, I am going to take the meter and rhythm into account along with originality. So I am going to award points for each of those things and then sort of tally them at the end to decide on the winners.
Show vs. Tell: 30/100
Nearly every line begins with two adjectives, and an adjective’s job is to tell, whereas it is a poet’s job to show, so adjectives should really be kept to a minimum.
Concrete Imagery: 10/100
Metaphor/Symbol/Allusion: 10/100
Originality: 80/100
Meter: 80/100
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I did an alphabetic one using just the letter in each line… and it gave me a headache for a week! And still isn’t as good as I would like! So I know it isn’t easy¡! http://allpoetry.com/poem/310103
As to yours the only thing I would have liked was a more cogent theme running through the whole thing – other than that good stuff – have a few points for effort.
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What a fantastic feat of a to z. Rhymed suttle with alliteration in it's lines. Well done!No wonder it took the gold.
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Impressive!
I, too, was caught by surprise by the acrostic, I just thought you had some nice aliteration going on! This poem has a very nice flow, nice rhyme, all the more difficult when you have to work both ends of each line. Very nicely done.
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i think this was very well done, and your rhyming was so well done that i didnt notice the a-z form till mid way through ..
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Unfortunately I have to disqualify this poem because it exceeds the line limit.
I encourage you to enter a shorter poem!
Elizabeth -
Wow, that worked really well, I didn't even notice that it was A-Z until the x-ray line! It is really awesome what you can do with the alphabet! You could probably make the phone book sound poetical, though. Great job!
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Fabulous! I've never attempted this form but you make it look so easy! Creative and interesting way to make these words connect. This took talent! Thanks for your entry!
~Lori -
Okay, so i noticed it started with A-Z, but it took me to the middle of the page to figure out the same was true for the second word of each line.
Okay, now that i confessed my stupidity, i would like to say well done. Most often you'll see when people do A-Z poems the difference in quality of words. For example, they start with All, Because, Cause, Dad, etc. (ha, i didn't mean to do that) but when it comes to Q and X, they use Words never heard in anyones everyday life. You did a good job at making the words seem somewhat normal by using more difficult words for the other letters instead of vise versa. Thank you for entering, it's a very good piece. -
wow
anyone who can use meter impresses me. your use of alliteration is great.
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hehe ah my evil twinster!! excelllent verbage here my dear, great flow and very expressive. I am running out of adjectives in our little task here, but great write and i think we have like 7 - 8 og them saying same things no ROF, although some we oppose, heh
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a good piece, i have some done in this form with ten per line, helps the flow a lot i find. i wish that you have good luck in this contest you have entered. spill ink and twist me into the crazy shape of love...
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I love the ABC... form of this and also the amazing alliteration. Though, it doesn't tell to much and it doesn't really work out in the ending. It turns out fairly confusing. This is an elegant write though. Well penned.
--RYAN -
lol
Now that was the most unique comment I've ever received and it makes me want to rush off , eat some alphabet soup and write another one! lol Thanks for the wonderful review! Have a great day!
Frog~ -
Now I feel like having some Alphabet soup lol...
All I can say is, it was altogether beautiful, creative, delicious, effervescent, fun, gorgeous, happening, ingenious, joyous, kicka*, laudable, mezmerizing, natural, original, perfect, qualitative, romantic, sensational, tantalizing, unforgettable, vivacious, wondeful, xtra-ordinary, youthful, and zestful.
Okay, my soup is getting cold, thanks for posting your poem, and good luck in the contest.
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Thanks so much for the wonderful comments! Hope your day is blessed! You all really have your work cut out for you...lol Enjoy~
Frog -
Thanks so much for the wonderful comments! Hope your day is blessed! You all really have your work cut out for you...lol Enjoy~
Frog -
Hi Frogster,
Wow is right!
ABC Poem with flawless rhyme!!!!
Bravo~Bravo, I am impressed!
Outstanding entry you have added to this competition!
Thank you for sharing your lovely talent with all of us!
Jasminerose
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Thanks so much Lynda... this was my very first and only rhymation and a bit out of the box for me! So glad you enjoyed because when I wrote it, I really thought it sucked! lol Told ya, I don't know what is good and what "ain't" when it comes to my own writing!
Blessings and hugz,
Many thanks for the kind words!
Frog...a.k.a. (Sandy) -
OMG! I have read many of your poems and loved them, but I must say that I am so very impressed by this one! I find this poem to be very beautiful and flows magically. As I have told you many tiimes, your rhyme is flawless...I cannot choose favorite lines. I loved it all and found it to be a very unique and creative choice for the contest! Bravo!
Lynda
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I'm just coming around for a second look now that I have some time on my hands for judging. Between school and work and what not, I often either don't have time to come onto AP, or feel too tired to give the poems my full attention when I am, which is why it's taken me this long to get to you.
I still really like what I see, and want to thank you again for entering.
I hope to be finished judging, if not by the end of this week, then the beginning of next.
Love and light,
Jenna -
Wow, I really enjoyed this. It's got a quiet sensuality to it that I really, really liked.
And I thought it was beautiful.
Thank you for entering.
Love and light,
Jenna -
BRILLIANT PENNING!
WOW!!!!!! Incredible in one word is what this poem is! You are so talented a writer to have written such an outstanding poem. I liked everything here right from the title to the last line. My favourite line is "Kinetic kiss forever in lust". Loved that! Wonderful use of alliteration throughout the poem. Excellent vivid imagery and flawless flow... the poem just rolled on my tongue's tip, it danced without missing a step anywhere. It was THAT GOOD. Wonderful use of rhyme as well. This is worthy of a Platinum and Diamond studded trophy! Congratulations on winning the contest with Gold. For this being your first rhymation poem, you did outstanding! You have my applause.
Best wishes,
Charishma
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ooh you poetry vixen you lol..
Great job from A-Z clappinggggggggg
and you have put some great effort into making
this flawless.
Thanks for sharing
Sista
Tearz
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Hi sis! Thanks for the comment... This was my first attempt at one of these, it was difficult, so I wrote a little bit of it off and on all day in between my slumber...lol I finally finished it after talking to you. Hope you enjoyed dinner with your family. Much love,
Frog -
Thanks so much. This was the first rhymation I've ever written, so it was a bit of a challenge. Your contest allowed me to move out of my comfort zone and do something different. Thanks for hosting.
Frog -
A really brilliant piece and one of the best rhymations I've seen till now.The alliterations flowed smoothly and did not feel forced at all.Brilliant work, thanks for entering and best of luck
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Sandy... this is awesome... the ABC's have never been prettier... did you write this before I called or after? No matter... I hope things are well for you...
Please know that I love you... and that you are worthy of so much good...
~Melissa -
Thanks for catching that! You know it's odd that I had "bear" there originally and then changed it! Guess I should have used my first instinct. It's just one of those days when I'm unsure of myself and everything around me! Thanks for the kind words and I'm glad that it wasn't so abstract as to take away from the meaning behind the words. Should have known you'd see right through it! Much love ann many huggles,
Frog~ -
Writing Skill Delivered with Excellence
Wow, Sandy, this is really abstract yet painfully clear, as well. You talent just keeps growing by leaps and bounds. Now, I've never had cause to 'edit' one of your fine pieces; this time,however, I noticed this line: "Ghostly goblins no longer can bare" -- bare/naked, thus I think you meant bear/carry a burden, etc.
Still, you have written a piece worthy of the ancient masters. Very well done, sweetheart.
Much love and hugs, M♥mma 
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