Icy tears cling to her pale cheeks
The room holds a stench of failure and shame
Life took a paint brush, dipped in crimson & painted her miserable
She drowns herself in fantasies of perfection
They tease and taunt her without any clemency
The words hang lazily in the stale air
Tormenting her, breaking her, killing her
She's taken as a prisoner to her own mind
Heavy metal blares effortlessly, filling her with rage
Her inner defenses have been completely shut down
Scars and wounds creep gracefully up her arm
They leave her stained with self mutilation
She's trapped within herself
Dangerously close to self destruction
Icy tears cling to her pale cheeks
The room holds a stench of failure and death
Author notes
ugh, hate this. having some trouble writing lately. just tell me what you think please....
Written August 12th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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great
Wow... it was really ... i don't want to say depressing... full of emotions and stuff. it makes me sad and thats how i know it's good, when it makes me feel. Yeah, so you know, my friend was reading it at the same time and repeatedly was saying "awesome, awesome, Awesome, AWESOME!" yeah, with increasing intensity and everything. So great job. Ahem. WE LOVE YOU ISA! lol, i dont even know you, but you know jessie-chan! lol. TTYL.
-Teh lovely Kelsey-chan - she loves teh sharpies. -
i like this..i dont know why but i do..really dark and sad..but great write and keep it up
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Not your best but still very wonderful =] The flow was a bit off but that may just be 'cause I'm so used to your rhyming, I don't know. But I did like the wordings and such, and how you took the first two lines and repeated them at the end with only the changing of the last word.
And don't be so down on yourself! >: It may not be your best but it's still really great.
xxJessieMK -
I totally like the other one better, but this ones cool too. Nice write..and for those people that think this really isn't a comment, I know this chick outside of Ap.
ME
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Wasn't yor best Isa, but it was good! Dark. Nice.
~Crissi -
Wow.. That was... Dark. I really liked the line 'she drowns herself in fantasises of perfection' OMG such a strong line. Dont know why or how.. But yea. I loved it.
Well done with this peice it was good!
x -
OMGGGGGGGG lol ahhh this is so friggen awesome and brilliant... wooooow yes its "emo" but its also very emotional and true... I LOVE your word usage!!!!! wow... keep it up... wow.. lol
.lucinda. -
alright,
it was emo, BUT... it was actually pretty well written. Your word usage was great, you used larger words then most angsty poems and that definitly helped. there were quite a few good lines such as
'Life took a paint brush, dipped in crimson & painted her miserable
She drowns herself in fantasies of perfection'
the only thing I didn't really like was the last word 'x death x'
if you took the x's off it would probably be better. overall you have a very great write though!
-gibson
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Such a dark piece. Keep writing, this was a good poem, quite sad.
Best wishes
Pozo
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