resonating righteous ruin of self
cruel tormenting and hungry
tired
painful
offset as the golden oblivion within
echos softly
calls out as waves do
to distant passings
of the yet unborn
growing colder
singing softly
rhythmic melodious
crooked and broken
wasted
twisted
barren
alive
then not living
never meant to breathe
Author notes
Uncertain weither this was what you were looking for, but this is my entry. I hope I Understood your criteria for the contest. If not, let me know so that I might better it.
Written August 11th, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- short poems by cadaver mentality.
400 points, ended August 28, 2006, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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It took you that long to actually comment on this? I find that amusing. I am glad you liked the poem, but I must admit that most did not really grasp the poem either. "The distant passings of the yet unborn" was sort of a metaphor for the souls of the children born dying before they had a chance to live. Is that understandable? If not its still fine. lol I don't really write short poems. This contest was a little of a challenge for me. If you knew my writing, you'd understand why. I am a free verse poet mostly, but I really enjoyed trying something new. Your commenting on this really meant alot. Thank you so much.
Jessica -
Very good
Hey devotionemotion,
"golden oblivion", what an odd and perfect meshing of words.
This is a tough subject to write on and you did so very well. I thought it flowed well and though it was a little longer than I would have liked I understand why.
To me the line, 'to the distant passings of the yet unborn' was hard to grasp. I think I know what you were going for and, to me, missed the mark only slightly.
Overall, The imagery and the wording carried this very well. Kudos. camen -
Thank you for entering. camen
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Wow.. really you never told me that !!! I SHOULLD KICK THAT MOTHERF!CK#RS ASSS!!!
What a d!ck no one deserves that ever especially you.. sorry about bringing that up for you....
I FEEL SAD NOW....
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I was raped, impregnated and the father hitme in the stomach until my - well our but I still call hm/her - child slipped out of me. This poem made me remember that. You did amazing
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Although I have given birth to four children after having four pregnancies... I understand the emotions set to the melancholy mood of this writ. I follow and understand. Excellent! I wish you the best in this contest. Very clever musing here Poet.
Much Love ♥
Renee
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Good luck in the contest.
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Had a little trouble grasping the meaning of some lines and how they apply to the title, but the last three lines were very powerful. It seems to sum up the painful swirl of emotions surrounding an abortion.
Take care,
Mark -
I like the soft nature of the wording (well atleast that's the way it seemed to me). It doesn't mute the pain the poem gives off but helps you to understand it a little better. The only thing that is missing, is grammer, but that's just my picky streak. Well done and best of luck to you.
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This is far from simplistic but sad and I think anyone could understand it. It is very...true and a message is sent through this very short poem. great job on this poem.
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I am working on the idea yet still, but the words flow real well, I wish you luck in the AP contest, its really nice, and after a time or two more, (i'm running on stupid today) I should be able to understand it a bit more, thanks for giving me the chance to read such good work.
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I like the flow of this, truly sad though. Good work.
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Really? Can you really follow this? I hope you can. This is an entry for a contest that could get me a years membership to AP. I really hope it is worth something. Thanks. I was going for one fo those fung shuhay type feelings..
Edited on Aug 14, 3:39 because 'n'. -
echos in the dark
That is really pretty cool Jessica, it tells a story I can follow. Very nice!
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