I sat at a screen and inhaled steady light
Suffocating while waiting for a Valentine to pop-up
Fingers flying out vows and promises
Caressing grey keys while spelling out a mask
Much like they once stroked the keys of a piano
-A contemporary exchange
Polished ebony for something much blacker:
The bright of a plasma heart
I sat at a Kohler & Campbell and played out a message
The SaveOurSouls of something inhaling black ink
Rhythmically writhing, strangled by exaggeration
Wrapping itself around a sunken ideal
Surfacing for something more than vapors,
Screaming out a song for corporeal romance.
Author notes
It's almost my birthday...
Written August 11th, 2006
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Comments
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This is about playing the piano, I think? I mean, of cousre it's about more, but I think the speaker is playing the piano. Either way, structurally, of cousre, I suppose suppose it could use a bit of work, but how much poetry is structurally sound anyway, right?
I think the emotions in it, however, is quite easy to relate to and the method you utilize to sort of calm your emotions is quite common and therapeutic. Overall, I think the idea and sentiment are fabulous, even if the structure isn't at it's full potential. It still gets my applause, however! Be well, dear Annandhel.
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The one thing that flashes its banner to me in a blatant fashion is the repetition of Inhale, nothing else repeats, so to me it feels akwardish.
Remember, in whatever you do, editing or... otherwise... you have the time to do it only if you make the effort to create the time to do it.
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