Your beauty is like butterfly wings
covered with a silky dust of gold
with deep, soft shade of brown
followed with a fragrance
of your femininity.
Where the flowers' scent came from?
I can hear you breathing slow
as a late summer breeze.
Shadows and warmth is floating
from you to me.
Turn your face to my side,
I want to see your eyes.
May I see me in their altitude,
may I ask you to smile for me,
once again?
Only once.
Shadow will come to cover your body,
stars will show their beauty,
but you, you are not by my side.
Please
forgive me.
I am still a beggar for your love.
Author notes
For the firs time in my life I tried to write a verses from male side. Sorry if this one do not fits for your contest. Tried to caught Neruda style.
Written August 10th, 2006
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1 - 36 of 36
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Thank you very much for your kind comment. I am always (well, mostly, whenever that is possible) trying to paint with my words, to make picture with verses to be vivid and warm. I am glad you like it.
~Sonja~ -
I like this poem, it is alluring and nice to read. I particularly like the title and the end, but also the feeling I get from this, it's almost like your paint the words, or like a slow dance. It's like this poem has it's own rhythm, slow but somehow firm. I like that and the fine images you have penned.
~Diana -
Thank you abscessed for this contest and for a chance and challenge to write using Neruda style. I agree with you and your opinion about (...). I will remove them right now.
~Sonja~ -
Forgive me...
I am still a beggar for your love.
This sounds so typically Neruda. I loved the note on which you ended this. A small bit in the poem that bothered me was your use of '...', I find it tends to rob a poem of its polish and I hate to see that happen here. But thats just my personal opinion so feel free to ignore it
Thank you for entering my contest and taking time out to write something for it Sonja
abscessed
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Thanky very much dear K for your comment and applause.
~Sonja~ -
sensitive, fluttering sensuality, quite, quite gorgeous K x
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BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN
With these beautiful words you have captured feelings that I have had so many times before.
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My dear Mina, you realy want to make me blush this morning with your compliments.Thank you from the deepest place of my heart for each word and good wishes.
~Sonja~ -
sonja, this is really nice... you're a poetess of high callibre without doubt... it's beautifully worded...
Turn your face to my side,
I want to see your eyes.
May I see me in their altitude,
may I ask you to smile for me,
once again?
Only once?
this stanza is complimentary to the photo you've chosen...
well penned my friend...
Good luck in the contest..
mina
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I am sure that somebody very special will tell you something nice and much better than I said with my verses. Thank you for your nicee comment.
~Sonja~ -
Dear Wanda, you and your comments are always something what makes my days better and easier to live as a poet. We all have some better and some worse days with our works and expressions but it worth to try to do something different.
~Sonja~ -
Thank you Linda. This time I tried to do something different. It was a challenge to me.
~Sonja~ -
Thank you my dear Shahrzad.
~Sonja~ -
so romantically mellow and beautiful and take
that is beautiful too, and the so sensitive and meticulous description of a love like butterfly wings is so beautiful. you know dear Sonja, i wish my love would say something like that to me, but Alas!sigh -
"I can hear you breathing slow
as a late summer breeze.
Shadows and warmth are floating
from you to me."
This is a wonderful display of sentiment & depth of heart, Sonja. Beautifully done from the opposing point of view, as well. It isn't easy, cutting your chest open & exposing your Self to the world. Your words are well~defined memories, scented by the flowers of the imagery you use. You are a skilled writer, one deserving of praise & further reading. You have written an amazing piece. It holds a great sense of clarity & definition. Your imagery is vivid & well~chosen. Your use of language is musical & artistic, as well. You paint an intense portrait of breathing deeply of Love & Sorrow; it is an incredible journey that we walk with you. Please continue sharing your gift with the world; the world needs all the Poets it can hold. Well done, Poet. Good luck in the contest, my Friend. Wanda
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you did really well with this poem, turning the gender around is hard to do, but you penned it well, thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest..MM
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hi dear Sonja
Don't worry, your poem is not that bad! lol..kidding.
You've done a very nice job here.
Wish you luck in the contest.
Shahrzad
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Well I love the name Moonlight Soul.. it is much prettier But I was looking at it from a male point of view.. Great write as always!!! Glad I could make you smile
Linda
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You are amazing Linda. I still have another name what Mornigstar gave to me but to be Sonny? lol
Thanks for comment and applause. Yes, we must appreciate their love and feelings.
~Sonja~
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Excellent!!
Oh Sonja, How your wings are flying!! You wrote this from the heart.. Men have the same feelings as us and the sensuality of your write made it so captivating!! You def. lived up to this challenge!!
Silly note from me...I think when you write from this perspective you should sign your name sonny!! Beautifully written!!!! Bravo!
Linda
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Dear Sam, I am not used to writefrom this point of view, this kind of challenge was always something like a dark side of Moon, but I sad to myself - hey - men have a feelings the same as we have. They could be vulnerable but most of them never will show their real feelings because - "boys ne'er cry" - so to speak. Poetry is the best place to see the other side at the right way. Thank you for your great comment and as always your great support.
~Sonja~ -
Thank you my dear blondone. I tried to do something different. It was a great challenge to me.
~Sonja~ -
The perplexities of writing from a transgender viewpoint is a daunting undertaking. I think you handled it wonderfully. You have fantastic insight into the words and emotions that might be expressed to a lover. You have done excellent credit to this contest and to your abilities as a multi-faceted writer.
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oh this is a beautiful poem, loving and caring all wrapped up nicely... I've seen this contest a hard one you have brought beauty to the words you write great job from a man's point of view... Good Luck to you....
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Thank you dear Ravenrae for your time to read and comment my work.
~Sonja~ -
Thank you my dear Morningstar. Your comment is always like a morning sun rays on my site.
~Sonja~ -
Thank you my dear Abigail for comment and applause. I am glad to see you back. Hope to talk with you soon.
~Sonja~ -
Oh I loved this so. It reminded me of one of mine "The Beggar".
Excellent job. So lonely in the end. You portrayed this very well. The FaeryPixieFey. -
beautiful and well Written
Moonlight Soul
You did a beautiful poem here. Iam also proud of you. I know it took alot to do this. But Sis you did it. and I love reading it.
Your Sister
Morningstar -
hi my dear friend i have been away for so very long it seems. and here i find this splendid write on my return it made me blush in the most magicallay romantic way and your words flow like a rose so golden, this form a new one from when i was last here but it was smooth like a song, a delightful read and a good impression of the male side
beauty surrounds this poem
well done
i hope your well
abigail
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Oh my, what a comment my dear friend.
Thank you from the deep of my heart.
~Sonja~ -
EXCELLENT WORK!!!!!
GirLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sonja:
How can you even think that this is not a good piece??????????
I think it is beautifully wirtten and the message came through loud and clear.....
Hell, I was glued here to the very end!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A wonderful, beautiful piece, heartfelt, thought provoking and elegant......
My hat's off to you, you go girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Be blessed with love and light always......
May the ease and gift of words always come to you to share their beauty with us, the whole world!
Great job, I truly enjoyed this:
Please...
Forgive me...
I am still a beggar for your love.
Your friend always:
AngelicMistress
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Thnak you endeavor4u for such a great comment and applause. I realy didn't expected that this kind of my poetic trial will be accepted this way.
~Sonja~ -
Excellent
Just wonderfull and delicate word to word
Shadow will come to cover your body,
stars will show their beauty,
but you, you are not by my side.
Please...
Forgive me...
I am still a beggar for your love.
Excellent -
Thank you for this great comment. You makes me to blush, but you know a lot about Neruda poetry and this kind of comment was a great surprise and support to my work. I am not sure what Neruda will say, but I must say - thanks once again to you.
~Sonja~ -
excellent
Such a talented poem Sonja. Pablo would be proud of you. Magnificent you captured the male side with style and brilliance. You can be so happy that this poem is unique in every way ,for you and the reader. Thank you for writing and sharing such a wonderful poem ...Bravo and Bravo.
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