do clouds shelter rain?
fuzzy halo grows
round the moon
Author notes
biological resource:
www.maddogcarter.com/clouds_and_rain.html
Written August 9th, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- The Technique of the Riddle by azure85.
300 points, ended August 26, 2006, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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I love this haiku.
fuzzy halo grows
round the moon
I really LOVE the melodious sound to these two lines.
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thanks for working on your haiku.
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As I also contacted Myron, here is a 4th and final edit, I think.lol. Please review. Thanks
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4th and final edit, I think.lol. Please review. Thanks.
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You know, I like that as well. I'm glad you see that.
Guess that's what being interactive is about. As always,
appreciated and considered.
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Nope! Wrong! The first example on the page has the question first, therefore this might work better:
"do clouds shelter rain?
halo grows
round the moon"
It's your do with it as you wish. However, I do love the learning process that happens in azure85's contests.
.
Renee
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First let me say; this is a metaphorical wonder. If it were not in a contest with such strict rules and restraints it would be perfect. Absolutely beautitful! Presentation and words are ethereal!
May I suggest;
halo grows
around the moon
do clouds shelter rain?
Makes it very simple, no poetic vices, and the question then becomes a surreal puzzle. I also believe the question in the examples is always the last line of the haiku.
Anyway, I am no myron or azure85...I just love haikus and yours is splendid.
Much Love & Many Blessings ♥
Renee
P.S. I have missed reading your work and pray that all is well with you and your family.
Edited on Aug 17, 1:35 p.m. because ''. -
Such beauty - both of the poem and background. The images are very vivid to me. 'mossy' does puzzle though...
good luck,
rachel
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I like the image of the fuzzy outline round the moon and I liked the question but I didn't get the connection...maybe I'm Just thick. Good luck in the contest.
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Well I'd never had guessed but how interesting to discover moss as once water soluable and on the moon at that. Thanks for the link as well. Learn something new everyday. Best regards,
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I'm such an abstractist<----- my word...lol, But for good example and criteria, I edited for the contest.
Edited on Aug 11, 11:39 because ''. -
do clouds frown at rain?
mossy halo grows fiercely
round the moon
thanks for entering this poem into our haiku contest. it is very poetic with its use of personification. your first line would be excellent in any other form of poetry, and even in some haiku, as some of the haiku masters sometimes used personification.
however it contravenes our rule #4 - so if you get a chance, could you please revise this poem?
i look forward to see what you do here.
best wishes,
myron. -
Hi. Isn't it amazing how different writers do the little form?
I've written a collection of haiku and have had teachers to the American spectrum since it's been revolutionized to our language.As you may know, the original haiku is
in the Japanese glyphic which scrolls according to the word
itself, rather than the alphabet needing no differentiation
of large or small case letters. That's as far as I know.
However, I didn't view 'moss' as symbolic or non-available since there were discovered plant remains of some kind, once thought as water-soluble.......on the moon. The total visual of that seemed adequate and relative, though also puzzling according to your criteria. I'd have to get launched to prove it....lol.
Therefore, let me play with it a bit more to the requirement of the contest.
Thank you for your critique! Always appreciated and considered.
Warmly, CookieZeal/DB
Edited on Aug 10, 11:41 because ''. -
Welcome CookieZeal to our haiku contest.
A very interesting haiku about nature.
Do clouds frown at rain?
Moss is growing fiercely
Round the moon.
My grammatical suggestions for this haiku: You do not need any capitalization, or the period at the end of the haiku.
do clouds frown at rain?
moss is growing fiercely
round the moon
Ha-doesn't it feel good to write a sentence with a small letter! The teacher is me rejoiced to be contrary!
My other question is, the answer to your question, is the moss growing around the moon. I know the moon can have a ring around it, I have never seen it in any shade of green, but it may be that way in other parts of the world. Could you explain it to me a little more? I look forward to your response.
Myron and others will leave many helpful comments, you may revise later if you want to, it is always your choice.
I wish you good luck in the contest.
Susie -
I like the question do clouds frown at the rain, because as it rains it will eventually be the end of the clouds. I think that you are referring to the moss around the moon as the clouds cover the moon. But that is only my interpretation.
Edited on Aug 09, 9:34 p.m. because 'typos'. -
Cute!
This was very clever...I loved the background with it. Good luck to you in the contest!
Kari
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