~Challenged~
I stand on the threshold ‘twixt darkness and light.
My mind is in turmoil; it’s my seeming plight!
Wilt Thou send a fire lighting pathway that’s paved,
or wilt angelic choirs sing showers to bathe?
~Pondering decision~
I’ve tried to be saintly, but uneven ground
has lead me astray like foxes to hounds!
Misguided and blinded by fortune and fame,
I know I have no one but ‘self ‘now to blame.
~Enlightened moment~
My soul is in need of a bath though it seems,
Regret has a smell that no scrubbing can clean--
So giving my answer, my voice sounds a plea,
‘Release me from Hell, I want to fly free!’
~Judgment day~
I feel the heat rising, I’m starting to bake
I’ve nothing to grasp as the ground starts to shake
But lo and behold I’m pulled from the edge
By a firm gripping hand from fires that hedge
~Blessed savior~
‘You heard me!’ I exclaimed, as we flew through the sky
then she nodded her answer with tears in her eyes.
They spilt down her cheeks dropping deftly to skin
And having made contact my scars start to mend
~Faith renewed~
So silent I watched as each sizzle turned mist
I knew in that moment, ‘twas blessedly kissed
She held me more gently the further we went
And I slept in her arms for my lifetime was spent
~New awakening~
Now I awake to a glorious sound--
No longer a mortal with feet on the ground,
I’ve shimmering wings and no longer am old,
for I’m dwelling in Heaven, my new abode!
Author notes
My humble attempt to thank you for rescuing me
Written August 8th, 2006
In a list
What did you think
Comments
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I see little to change and nothing to feel bad about. Ignore all naysayers and do it your way. It's "lo and behold", and there are a few small glitches, but all in all, it's a good job.
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Good morning David. Thank you for taking the time to view my work and for leaving your thoughts behind, I truly appreciate it especially your candid honesty. This is without a doubt the worst I've written in respect to adhereing to rhyme. I didn't know about this contest and am floored it was nominated to begin with, though I'm honored it had such an impact on a readers thoughts. One day when I have some free time, I'll definately give it an edit as I do with all my work. Thanks again!
blessings, Sandi -
What the nominator says- course if you're not a religious guy or whatever then it won't appeal to you. but it did to me.
Congratulations! This poem was nominated as one of the two best poems on this site for a favourites comp run by D P Robertson. You were nominated by Teddibly Abnormal
What I say- Well I read it, then I read it again and what little lustre shone from the piece the first time soon dissipated into mediocrity. What’s good about this piece is its structure and the key moments e.g. conversion etc. What detracts is that the actual AABB rhymes on the whole are very pedestrian despite every effort being made by the writer to lift the general feel off the ground. There are some phrases sprinkled throughout that are better than good
“Regret has a smell that no scrubbing can clean-“ is good.
But the problem is that for every one of these the writer has about four lines that are either just clichés or simply dull writing that leaves the reader with an overall effect of having got close to some great writing but in the end you have just missed out. It is a pity because the heart and essence of this piece has a heap of potential.
David
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this is just amazing i am floored
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Great write Sandi. You did a wonderful job. Best wishes in the contest.
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Thank you FalseDisposition, I truly appreciate you kind thoughts and for coming to my aid!
Many blessings
Sandi
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alrighty i'll be sure to send you the link. again this is wayyy too good!
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Thank you little brother!
I used a few metaphors in the verses, but not alot, what I did was by giving each stanza a title, it brought clarity to what was happening for each, and yes, sort of like opening a new chapter to that part of life, I'm glad you liked it
I'll try to be back later I spent all day getting wedding stuff arranged today and I'm bushed, I'll talk with a little later
Sandi -
Awww Teddible you are too kind sweetie
Thank you for your gracious thoughts, I truly appreciate it
It's a fun exercise giving a title to each verse, give it a try! And send me the link so I can enjoy your musings
blessings Sandi
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Bless you Angel Angelio for your gracous thoughts
Sandi
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Say what you will, you have no power here.
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That is truly beautiful...not just for the contest but for life. I will save this and keep it with me when I have troubles...Thanks for writing it!
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humble atempt?? ha! let me give you MY humble atemp TRYING to praise you.
its awesome. if you don't mind do you think i can learn off this one. kinda copying it but not??
this one is worth all the comments, applauses, and more! -
WOW, I'm speechless to say that this poem is such words I have never been read
Its like a story of a person life telling it.
If this is what you were talking about using a metaphor? then I'll start writing like that its marvoulos, and for the new title it seems like its another chapter opening in my life
WOUNDERFUL! -
excellent presentation
Very beautiful poem Sandi. I like the way you show your spiritual journey in sections. Best wishes for the contest!
Ethereal Melody
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Dear Sandi Alford,
A perfect breakdown of the changes we go through to gain our salvation. A fitting tribute to our Queen.
Good Luck in the contest and in a victorious battle.
Angel Anglio
(secretely Tang) -
Oh evil Mouser I am not naive
nor am I blinded by ones own light
you come to test my thoughts, deceive!
and sink your claws of deathly blight
be gone this foul and stench of death
cast evil out which rears its head
you've been infested by her breath
become an angel without dread!
I'll witness to you day and night
so you'll be blessed with devine sight
it is by honor I do serve
The Queen of Heaven in her abode!
Sublimal verdict is most appreciated!
~showers you with Heaven's tears~ Sandi
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Thank you Sam I wasn't going to write for this contest just watch from the sidelines, but they plagued me day and night until I succumbed one way or the other I'm glad you liked my ranblings...actually the other part of the contest is to go to the other side and try to get them to change from dark to the light in poetic form...my prompt to writings in the comments section there are sheer craziness!
blessings Sandi
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Dear Sandi;
From the threshold to visceral view of darklings vaunted vault, your heart remains true. Grace lifted you out. Just as your poem is filled with inspiration and hope, we all can find guidance if we seek it. -
Thank you Paul, I so appreciate your wonderful thoughts my friend Breaking the stanzas with a title was an exercise I was working with last week in free verse and thought I'd do it here as well, I'm glad it works well.
Hey, have a fantastic time in Canada! Wish I could hide in your suitcase, I have a lot of friends there that I've not seen in ages, have a safe trip
Many blessings Sandi
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Masterfully Penned!
My sweet poetic friend Sandi I really loved the way you added beautiful depth and passion into this powerfully packed yet very well inked poem here. I really have to say breaking it into sections like that really helped make this poem flow and turned out beautifully! Excellent poem and very well stated! 
that cherps Paul
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Excellent concept!
An excellent piece on heaven but a waste of thoughts becos there will be no new awakening only u will perish and we will survive...we will win and there will be no one left in ur abode...darkness will raid evert corner ..even in ur hearts and souls...u will be chained and tortured...the time has come to lose...the blood shall fall over the kingdom...the wrath of the Underworld Queen is best not witnessed...we train for the best...for victory...
~~~QUEEN OF DEAD~~~
Meet me when the sun fades...
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No your freedom is false... A lie that was twined in your head from a queen who would have you do her bidding. Come and dance in the Underworld child, all is free there. The queen will acompany you where you wish... instead of waiting for you to go a miss.
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great
YOU are free ;ittle one, enjoy now for the best is yet to come -kirby
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Are you free to do anything you please? No my dear, I do not believe so. May you roam freely and do whatever you wish? No my dear, you are bound. Is there no right or wrong? No my dear, there sure is. In Heaven only are you restricted. My dear, if you wish to be truley free, you will join the Underworld. For if freedom is what you seek, The Underworld is the abode for you.
The Dark Queen's Messanger
Edited on Aug 08, 12:20 because 'Because I can, for as a servant of the Queen of the Underworld I may do as I please. That's why. And because I forgot to sign. .'.
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Hi Ros Thank you for your wonderful thoughts my friend
this was really prompt-to writing, you should check out the contest, there's two sides (seperate contests) to it..light-Heaven verses dark/hell, and is too funny! we have to go to the opposite contest and try to get them to change over sides, hehehehe, I've been prompt writing all afternoon!
blessings Sandi
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This was written with such feeling and such faith.So different in it's way but also very revealing.We cannot live on regret but we can live with hope.a very sensitive write.Excellent, Ros
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great write
Be sure and watch the shadows, I find new recruits are often idealistic and blinded by their own light. Thus easy prey. Seek not in Darknesses realm until thou art prepared to see and feel the truth there. You may not wish to return.
My Dark Queens faithful pet
Mouser -
Thank you for saving me!! and thank you for your wonderful thoughts Queen of Heaven, it's glorious to be home!
I shall not weaken in my resolve to bring more home where they belong ~~~~~flying as I speak~~~~~~ -
Oh great Angel Sandi Alford,
I, the Queen of Heaven read they words.The beauty of them keep echoing in my mind..I welcome you on the abode of Heaven , where golden light will shine over your soul .All pleasures, desires and dreams you have will there be forfilled by the Virgins and Angels that are already there
But time is running short, there still has a job to be done..go now my Angel..go to the Queen of the Underworld and let your golden voice speak the words of truth Tell them their souls are in need of a bath,
tell them regret has a smell that no scrubbing can clean--
Tell them your voice sounds of golden immortallity,
release them from Hell, so they can fly free! I will be waiting on top of the rainbow till you return
Queen of Heaven
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