The house of an old lady known for kindness,
neat and clean though nobody else was around.
Some said her children were settled abroad
leaving mother alone after father died.
She helped others,
nobody looked after,
she expired.
Author notes
Sandip Saha, I give my permission for printing my poem as you have asked for. Please indicate to me why you want to print?
A contest entry
- New! Try Writing a 'Duette' (The author & audience are required) by CookieZeal.
400 points, ended September 18, 2006, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Write A Duette - LAST WEEK! Readers are required! by CookieZeal.
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Honorable winner
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What did you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Very nice poem and fits the contest well.
Thank you for your entry.
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I need your name and permission to print in your Authors Notes before I can comment.
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This is very sad, and pretty straightforward in my mind. The classic elder that gets left alone with nobody to care for her, even though she probably had family somewhere, nice duette
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Hi there.
I'm glad that you decided to send this back to us.
I'm seeing why many thought it was good and what
my thoughts on it. Looks like you've buffed this
one out to a tighter view.
*Suggestions*
So many adjectives here:
well off grand old lady. Can you substitute one of them?
~ lots of verbs not seen, settled abroad, husband died
I guess what I'd do is breathe a little more poetic
into it so that it doesn't read like a quick bio.
Other than that, the images are great and I remembered
why I liked it a few years back! Thank you so much.
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Very different.
Great description.
Good job. -
Thank you for your IM. I was wondering about it not knowing about the contest this long. Hope everything is fine.
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Thank you for a much more active edit!
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Oh yes! I liked your spontaneity of reaction and well thought out critical review to my duette. I shall try to implement those in my future endeavour. Thanks a lot.
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I couldn't help holding my heart a bit. There as so many Maggies that get neglected somehow. The content reflects
your compassion and I am glad that you entered. sigh.
A critical review is invited
Splendidly written overall. You followed the 'hook' required in the duette.Yes!
The only part that caused my eye to jump was the arrangement of the words in the last several lines. Just my take on it.
might be settled abroad, lost husband<-- a little more action would move it
helping always others <----- to point to the woman, I'd have juggled the words
Helping others always. Maybe a punctuation there for the final two lines.
nobody today there <------- like the pronoun
she expired.<------- sad and conclusive.
Very nice. Thank you so much!
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