Her perfume still scents my pillow,
this morning my black rose kissed her chest,
she now lies in peace,
longing to join her,
my eyes close
I drift into the darkness
you journey through my olfactory system
and meet me somewhere in temporal cortex
highly charged neurons tingle as they reach their action potential
soma to axon I’m building to a frenzy,
(thankful for my myelin sheath)
until sweet synaptic release
sends neurotransmitters flowing,
and blood fills my corpora cavernosa
my sympathetic nervous system is fully at work
heart racing as my epididymis empties
and I soon return flaccid.
you \are\ here with me
but it’s with damp skin and sheets amiss
that I awake, to only your scent
and a neurological short-circuit
________________________________________________________
Considering an alternate beginning:
Her perfume still scents my pillow.
From hand they fell, tumbled sub-terra
and kissed her chest; white lilies.
Longing join her
I surrendered to the night
Author notes
Written August 7th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Hi, thanks for stopping by - I'm glad you enjoyed it.
If you don't mind my asking which opening did you prefer?
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this made me smile.. the switch from romantic to scientific is quite charming and cheeky Love it K x
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Rachel, thanks for stopping by and for your very kind words. Your time and feedback is very much appreciated.
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Hi Hobby, sorry it took me a while to get to read your stuff.
This is quite brilliant...exquisite language use creates abundant imagery and expression. I especially like the incorporation of 'scientific' rational terms and the way you work them to become means to emotion.
original and contemporary.
As I said - quite brilliant.
rachel
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crazirazberri,
thanks for reading, I'm pleased you enjoyed it!. I don't think this will be to everyone's taste
I agree with your feedback on the opening, it is purposefull though. I am placing a lot of weight on the title, hopefully it is strong enough to have readers continue past the first stanza, thereby setting up the contrast (and hopefully a little shock!) with the second.
I am considering revsions and will concentrate on the opening, thanks again for your reading and commenting.
rgds
hobby -
wow... amazingly creative. luv how u go beyond "i smell ur perfume" to strong, specific details, build on it.
"meet me somewhere in temporal cortex"
"highly charged neurons tingle"
"(thankful for my myelin sheath)"
quite clever. not what ur expecting, yet fitting somehow.
the black rose "kissing" her chest... great way to say it, but still not sure im too fond of the black rose... even with the creativetwist seems kind of clique and distant as opposed to the tingling, intense details of most of the poem. the beginning just seems a bit bland and weak, i dont know...
"longing to join her" *shrug*
but over all, a very engaging and original piece.
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