No one does anything anymore,
No one goes outside.
All we do is sit around,
Since the day you died.
We used to be so very happy,
We used to have joy inside.
All we have now is sorrow and grief,
Since the day you died.
Mother is endlessly crying,
And here I sit and hide.
Brother doesn’t speak anymore,
Since the day you died.
Why did you leave us?
It was in you I could abide.
A part of me has been forever lost,
Since the day you died.
I wish I wasn’t so selfish,
I wish I lacked in pride.
For it has gotten me nowhere,
Since the day you died.
You’ll never know how much I loved you,
And how hard I really tried.
I tried to save your fragile life,
On the day you died.
Author notes
Best Rhyme
I'm sure anyone who has lost someone can relate to this write
Written July 21st, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- Prewrite Craziness!!! :D Options Galore! :D by XxLoverOfDarknessxX.
400 points, ended July 14, 30 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Life is Pain by mitchybaby.
1000 points, ended August 31, 36 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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your rhyme runs really good....nice poem!
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Very beatiful piece! I am very sorry for your loss. This is exactly what I am looking for, thank you so much for entering and good luck!
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i can relate to this, very well done
thank you for entering -
WOW.This was an amazing poem. I'm sorry you had to go through this.
This was just...WOW. it took my breath away and made my heart clench. This was amazing. 
Keep up the good work! thanks for entering and good luck in my contest!
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The beginning starts ut wonderfully strong. Repetition of the phrase "Since the day you died" was powerful and emotional. it emphasizes your loss, the absence. I don't quite understand the last stanza, but I have never lost anyone close to me, so I don't know what it's like to try to save someone. I can only imagine. And even my thoughts aren't as strong or enduring as the emotion and feelings you put into this lovely poem. I applaud your courage for being able to write about it.
thank you for entering my contest, and good luck
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Wow. I can relate.
It hard to lose ones you love..
great write. -
Hey, I wasn't trying to be mean...but you yelled at me about giving you constructive criticism...so I did. I DO like it!
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the poem is an awesome piece... wishing u the best..many blessings
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i dont think theres nothing to change,awesome!
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what you have is really great. it being repitive really showed your point. i know the feeling of losing a dear one. my father dropped out of my life and my grandfather passed about two years ago on nine-eleven. keep it up, kudos! kudos!!
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fine I'll revise it when I get the time
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hey girl. good write. I like the message a lot, but I think some of the lines are...I don't know...awkward. they don't flow very well, for example: "It was in you I could abide." and "And hard I really tried"...some places seem to wordy, others are missing words. Like I said, over all I like it, but I would keep working on it.
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wow all i can say so full of pain and heartache keep up the great work
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I really enjoyed this one. Reminds me of one that I wrote. I don't know if you've noticed it or not but in 3rd staza, I believe you left out the "r" in brother. Just thought I'd let ya know...hehe. Anyways, this was a really good write. I loved it.
Nikki
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