They gather in dark corners,
the eagles and the swine,
Making all their battle plans
and drinking all the wine
They shake their fists proclaiming
"some one else has more,
we must take all we can
then close and lock the door"
They legislate their thievery,
in the land in which they rule,
Lay waste to the populous,
declaring them all fools.
Then when they feel secure enough
in the places that they stand,
they turn against each other,
with knife and gun in hand,
and gather in dark corners
the eagles and the swine,
making all their battle plans
and drinking all the wine.
Author notes
Written August 5th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Liking your work Dwn.
This one quite a political stance, tell me if I've misinterpreted, I hope I havn't, if I have I'll reread.
Very good. -
thanks for your comments, corrections made, I should have spell checked it , but when this one was wrote, I was brand new here and wasnt aware we had the option
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Before I forget where it was, in line 3 thier should be their
Actually I think you may have done that on all your instances of thier. Although the rule is normally i before e, their is one of those dreaded exceptions.
Easily corrected though and it definately is not so grave as to affect the readers enjoyment of the poem. It is quite thought provoking and has a great rhytm and flow to it.
Thanks so much for enterring
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Wow that was deep! And it's early too!!Still waking up although the swines and the eagles got all the wine. Give me some. LOL!
Your poem had great rhyum(notice i can't spell today) and flow to it. Good Luck in the contest!! -
I love it, I really don't know what else to say.
It's wonderful,keep up the good work. -
I love this! So rich in metaphor is almost tear drawing. You did very well with your flow and rhyme, the eagle and swine were also two very good animal choices, being very opposite. I must agree with Madison however, your structure could get tweeked a little to add a lot to the poem.
They legislate thier thievery,in the land in which they rule,
I love the way you wrote this. You've got a couple grammar/sp errors in it but thats alright, just needs a quick run through and other then that, excellent write, very creative and thoughtful. For some reason it reminds me of something.... I cant remember but I think it was a novel... oh well, I'm rambling, worthy of applause indeed! -
Fantastic! The metaphoric meaning of this piece is phenomenal and the rhyme and rhythm is flawless. You are very intelligent and gifted with talent. The only suggestion i can afford to say is to re-think the structure of your poem to make it (for lack of better words) poetic. Don't change ANY of the words though, because i think that would only take away from the piece.
Madison -
WOW this is really good work I love it. you have out done urself on this write. it shows so much that wrods can not explain. good luck on the contest I hope u win.
~Serenity~ -
wow i loved it ,it expresses a lot
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Deep!
Wow that was deep. Thank you very much for sharing it with us. I loved the words used in this.
Kari
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