There is within an easy reach
Stretches of pure white sugar sand
A magical, enchanted beach
That clings when pressed with pleading hand
Into rooms that hold the screams
The fears, of night's returning dreams
The pain of those whose journey's end
Deprives the breathers of the air
The comfort of skilled, caring friend
The memory of struggles that were not fair
Rejected for the hand picked teams
Bring fear to where the ocean sings
Encase in alabaster battlements
Commit to the salvation of the wave
Freed from the prison of entanglements
Released from the limits of the grave
The ocean lips, with gentle sips
Pull the hateful towers down
Released, forgiven, renewed, unbound.
Author notes
I love my mommy
Written August 5th, 2006
A contest entry
- POEMS FOR MY GOD CHILDREN AND MANY MORE by Ami amour.
375 points, ended December 19, 2006, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Forgiveness by RunningFree.
700 points, ended May 20, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Christian Prayer Contest by Angels Delight.
600 points, ended May 26, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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The ocean contains great healing and I empathise with this message. Your poem seems to say that when we consider it everything is put into perspective and the small things don't seem to matter.
Peace Georgia
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This is very well written but I am looking for something more in the form of a prayer and more personalized. Thanks for your entry. Ami
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i agree with night hope...
very magical and has a definite enchantment all it's own!!!! great writing, your thoughts are very clear and very individualistic... your a thinker!!!!!!!!!!!
Take Care,
brian
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EXCELLENT
This is truly a beautifull piece of writing. The poem flows well, the rhyming does not seem to be forced. Thank you for entering my contest and I wish you all the best of luck. Ami
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This is REALLY great, really interesting and flowed really well! Thanks SO much for entering my contest, best of luck to you in it!!
Hannah -
I try to communicate in multiple layers to capture and inspire pleasant memories; tie oneself to the beauty of nature as a commitment to life, when life is on the line...
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"into rooms that hold the screams" does have the feel of a torture chamber." You have a good command of language, and do well with rhyme, although the pace and pattern changes some in the second part of the poerm. I found it interesting that you use a metaphorical fantasy to work in your poem to banish 'the foe'. It is not something I would normally have associated with someone dealing with cancer.
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Well, this is an insightful symbolic piece... and I can see how the author relates it to the subject of the competition...
Though personally, I find it a little difficult to relate the idea of a sandcastle to fear and pain... But that is doubtless MY problem.
As for the sea image, as a Londoner, I live sufficiently near to the sea and the tidal Thames to expect, that, barring accidents, I shall eventually "go out decently with the tide"... But I have a lot of work I have to finish before then! -
I suppose this could be taken, in a very oblique and indirect manner, as having something to do with the subject of this contest. It's a good poem in any case. Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest.
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I loved this little piece, a bit strange, but that is certainly not a bad thing. I loved the image created, mystical and so real, beautiful and magical. Well done for this one and good luck in the contest
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"A magical, enchanted beach
That clings when pressed with pleading hand
Into rooms that hold the screams
The fears, of night's returning dreams
The pain of those whose journey's end
Deprives the breathers of the air..."
Sighhh...A lovely thought, Poet...but I live in the city, surrounded by concrete...That's why I took a vacation in the trees, near the river...It was so much easier to breathe there...As soon as I crossed the state line, I felt the heaviness descend again...I battle it constantly...Beautiful, magical thoughts, Poet...I'd like to dip my toes in the surf again one day...Thank you for pointing me in this direction...Now, if I could only import a beach...
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noonayee, the syntax is correct. I added a line break to set up the change. The second section is instructions on how to use the magic; to encase the fear, the pain, the bad memories in the sand castle you build with pleading hands. When the incoming tide, takes away the sand castle, the pain will wash away, too. Thanx for your caring support!
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This is much better and easier for me to read. Loved the line"The Ocean lips with gentle sips". The rhythm stumbles on line nine as if you have a new beat. All in all a very nice poem even if a bit sad and grusome. The good news is you are on your way to recovery over freeverse but I think I have stumbled in mine. Maybe we should shoot doves next month. I know I am...
Jim -
great
how do i find this enchanted beach? it sounds wonderful, just like this pom! great work! -
This is indeed a very magical and very beautiful. I really liked it and enjoyed reading it very much.
Excellent choice of words, rhyme and flow.
It should be "Encased" in this line: "Encase in alabaster.." as the whole poem is in the past tense.
(This is the third poem I have read today that has "down" and a word ending with -ound today lol)
Keep on writing and good luck in the contest.
Nooni
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Yes, this is very outstanding poetry. You did such a wonderful job on this. Great idea for a poem. Good luck in the contest
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Awesome. I really enjoyed reading this, and I'm very glad I clicked on it. Great job, keep up the good work.
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Good rhymes and the flow was nice, the metaphor was good also. Thank you and good luck.
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Wow. I'm speechless, I don't know what to say. This is just...
Outstanding...So heartfelt...Enchanting...I can't say enough anout it. More than Wonderful is about all I can think of. I can't beleive how well you wrote this. Great job! -
Very good show of feelings and emotions. I thought this was done with excellent taste. Great job
Soulful Woman -
My goodness. This is a little bit of a strange little poem that you have written here. But I like it! What I mean by strange is that it starts out with very pretty thoughts and words when you beginning reading it and everything and then all the sudden turns into very dark and sad thoughts and I was a little surprised by it. I hope that isn't how you feel right now or that your life is falling apart or anything. That would just be too sad. But I think that you did a good job of expressing yourself here. So thanks for featuring this so that we all got a chance to share your words and feelings with you!
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this is a great read!!! i enjoyed it very much! the words flow nicely and it is just all togeather beautifull! good luck on the contest i really hope you win!!!
Kat -
This is really special and beautiful. Your rhyming here is really well done. You were clever with that. Thank you for entering my contest.
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Very touching, loved it
"There is within an easy reach
Stretches of pure white sugar sand
A magical, enchanted beach"
Love these lines
The ending is beautiful "Pull the hateful towers down
Released, forgiven, renewed, unbound"
I think I will read this many times. I love magical, enchanted places.
A wonderful place to find some childlike faith wouldn't you agree?
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Just a quick stop/note to tell you how pleasant and lovely you were today. You made magic for me...
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outstanding
Outstanding poetry. One of your best, dear one. I understood this more with heart than brain. There is such longing and expression of raw human emotion. What a blessed place to find.
Excellent poetry.
hugs Wolfie
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