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Desolate Land

The city lights float on by
I call out, but there is no reply
Only the silence of the sky
A unspoken tear with a sigh

Where am I, I think as I look around
All I see for miles is sky and ground
The sky is black and the earth is brown
The silence is broken by my heart’s pound

A desolated land is where my heart is forced to be
For all my life I could not open my eyes to see
The lies I was entangled in that I could not be set free
Abandoning myself, my dreams, in life’s open sea

So the real question is now what shall I do?
Shall I give up all that I know is true?
Fixing the problem has been long overdue
I’m now afraid that I will not pull through

by Sharcu (Tim)

Author notes

This is not personal. I wanted to enter something into this contest and this is what I came up with. The rhyming may sound a little forced... decided to try a little different. Wanted to use some metaphors and different styles than I have been using lately.

The message of the poem is simply that often times we get wrapped up in life's problems, lies, complexities, worries, etc. We create a world for ourselves where, like the poem says, there is no sound except our own heart beating. Then we end up waking up to find ourselves there, but it's too late to leave for we have lived there so long that we don't want to leave. Are you in that place? If so, I hope you are willing to do something different to change.

Background inspired first stanza and was designed by me using Photoshop CS.
Written August 5th, 2006

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 15 of 15
  • June-bug
    February 14, 2007

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    excellent

    Found this to be of wise words choices, the metaphor is great. Wonderful write and inspiration to anyone who may be in this state with life, a reminder that life is our to control or let it be controled. Excellent flow. Nice to see you back in the group and taking your rightful place. Thanks for all you do and the wonderful contributions you make. Mostly for getting such a wonderful group underway. Happy Valentines Day, and you have been Hoodwinked..


  • Ragan
    November 5, 2006

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    I love it. Sorry, I can't think of anyhting else to say.

  • lightwing
    October 6, 2006
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    I really like the way you've played with format and rhyme in this piece. You've tied great depth of feeling into it. I especially liked the line 'Shall I give up all that I know is true?'


  • GuardianPhoenix7289
    August 10, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    HARD to describe how amazing this is!

    You know, sometimes, I feel kind of like this, in a way as that, I understand many aspects of the world, and life, and just... everything, better than anyone else... Like with Jesus Christ, I have become a solid believer, and he gave me something, so that now, I am not longer believing, I am knowing. But man dude, this poem, is just so hard to comment about, I am like straying off about myself, lol, sorry, it's just, ahh, it's so well written!


  • troyias silver member
    August 7, 2006
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    2 thumbs up

    Tim this is beautiful. the flow literally melts. there's a sadness that underlies with an indescrible pain. Life is that way sometimes causing us to leave our dreams behind because life just get's too hetic. The only shelter in the storm of life is in Jesus Christ. I really liked this poem. ya did good kid!


  • Tabitha-Robin
    August 7, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Excellent write. I love the vivid picture you have painted with words. Love it. Keep it up.


  • Sharcu silver member
    August 6, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Actually, those lines were inspired by "A Lonely Tree" background that I made. The first lines were from the background I made on this poem (made it a while ago using a skyline of some city) and so ya. Glad you liked it
    --Tim


  • RevHead
    August 6, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    this was gooood i liked it you seem to have dich a way with words, not only could i picture it but i could feel it especially this bit:
    "Where am I, I think as I look around
    All I see for miles is sky and ground
    The sky is black and the earth is brown
    The silence is broken by my heart’s pound"
    I dont know why but the heart's pound bit just got me... wierd how different things do that ay
    this was awesome NMNM


  • quiksilver
    August 5, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Great write.. As always
    Hope you do well in the contest !


  • Molassis
    August 5, 2006
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    This, my dear lil brother, is simply an awesome entry into the contest!!! I wish you all the best... and I see this as a sure winner!!!

    God bless you sweetie!!!

    ~Melissa

  • lillmissunshine
    August 5, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Hey tim this is a great poem. I love the style you used here, it went well with the poem. Good luck with this contest
    and 's to ya


  • runandhide
    August 5, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Wow! This is brilliant! It is so genuine, searching, n ur heart goes out to the person ur writing about...
    Brilliant write.
    Rah

  • Sharcu silver member
    August 5, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I saw your contest when you first created it and so I bookmarked it. Haven't had any inspiration just to write. This poem pretty much just came to me line by line with nothing really inspiring it. Didn't really try to make it seem personal or dark or have a message. Glad I could get an entry in before it closed. Thanks for hosting!
    --Tim


  • xDemonicxAngelx
    August 5, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Wow, I actually really liked this!... I really liked the last stanza, I can relate to that a lot... You did a greart job with this... Thanks for entering something, means a lot!... Good luck! ♥


  • Abscessed
    August 5, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Invited to private contests and all eh?
    This was lovely like I told you before Sharky - Even though you say it isnt personal, it has that lonely desolate echo that only comes with a lot of grief!

    Anyway good luck in the contest sweety MWAH
    Ro

1 - 15 of 15