Please, Don't

Do you want to know what's wrong?




Cut my heart out,
And let it tell my story.
Kill my soul,
And breathe it in.
Then you'll know.

Open me up.

Tear an incision into my worthless flesh,
Let the autopsy report,
Tell my story.

This ragged doll,
With stitches covering her arms,
Tears along her wrists..
Holes where acid has burned her skin,
..They tell my story..

Search my soul.
See it in my body.
What colours can you see?

In my head..
A hurricane forms..
Whirlwinds of thoughts and ideas
Stopping my breath..

These lungs are collapsing in on themselves..
I'm drowning in myself.

Don't offer help.
I have to do this.
If I can't even survive this nothingness?
This.. void?
How will I survive,
When something actually happens?

I have no reasons to feel these desires..

It's not normal.
To feel the wheels of a train,
Crushing my rib bones,
Driving them into my shattered heart,
Over and over,
Molesting my very sense of esteem.

It's not normal,
To wish to drink that bleach,
To feel that burning tongue of fire,
Kiss my throat,
And lick my own tongue of flames..

It's not normal,
To wish so badly to not exist,
To cease to *be*,
And lose all hold of the world.

Please,
Don't save me.
Please don't make me weak.

I spent so long building
These barriers..
To keep myself away from humanity..
To keep my heart safe,
Locked in its cage,
Thorns growing around it
To stop others venturing forward.

Now these vines are suffocating me,
Choking my fragile excuse for a heart..
Piercing holes in weak outer cells..

The fabric on my heart,
Torn and tattered,
I am just a broken doll.
I am but a silken rose,
Forlorn and wilted still.

Please,
It's not normal,
Don't help me.
Don't lift me high
Just to throw me down..

I don't care if you won't hurt me.
Promises are made to be broken.
Please don't do this to me.
I don't deserve love.
I don't want to be so weak,
To have emotions for another..

To have the worry about others..
To feel what it's like to truly care..

I'm weak enough without you..
Please,
Don't kill me like this.
I've fallen so many times before..

As each square of material is ripped
From my doll's useless body..
Each shard of mirror
From within my glass heart,
Shatters:
Piercing my lungs
So can no longer breathe.



...And Here I Bleed...



Please,
Don't do this to me,
I'm on my knees,
I'm begging you.

Don't make it so hard to let you go.
It's not right..
We shouldn't be doing this..
Don't let me fall in love with you..

Please,
Don't make me hurt..
Don't let me suffer like this..
I can't handle this all alone,
But with you,
The weight is only harder
To carry..

Please,
Don't try to mend my heart.

You can't break something,
If it was never put back together.